Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve pronunciation and grammar, be concise, start with a clear topic sentence, and provide one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases and incorrect words (e.g., 'Eye' → 'I', 'hails' is formal but okay, fix verb forms and word order).

例: I come from Haryana, a small state in northern India. It is known for its strong agricultural industry and for producing many soldiers. In addition, Haryana has a rich cultural heritage with traditional festivals and sports.

提案: Be more specific and avoid repetition. Use linking words (firstly, secondly, moreover) and give concrete examples (names of universities or sports) within 3–4 sentences. Correct and complete phrases (e.g., 'IT' not 'it').

例: I like the education system in my hometown because it has several universities offering agriculture, business and IT degrees. Moreover, the area is excellent for sports — for example, local schools have strong wrestling and hockey programs that many youths join.

提案: Use correct tense and a concise structure: start with a direct answer stating the length of time, then add a brief supporting detail. Avoid filler words and incorrect grammar (use 'I have lived' and 'I was born and brought up there').

例: I have lived in my hometown for about 24 years. I was born and brought up there, so most of my family and childhood friends still live nearby.

提案: Give a clear opinion with two specific reasons and use linking words (for example, 'Firstly... Secondly...'). Finish your thought and avoid hesitations. Provide concrete examples of opportunities for young people (jobs, education, sports).

例: Yes, it is a good place for young people. Firstly, there are many universities and vocational colleges offering courses in healthcare, science and IT, which help with career prospects. Secondly, there are active sports clubs and local businesses that offer internships and part-time jobs.

× Eye hails from a small province named Haryana which situated in the north part of India.

✓ I hail from a small province named Haryana, which is situated in the northern part of India.

Pronoun 'Eye' is a misspelling of 'I' (pronoun error). Additionally, the relative clause lacks the verb 'is' and 'north part' should be 'northern part' (adjective form). Use 'which is situated' to form a correct relative clause and 'northern' as the adjective form of 'north'.

× And if I talk about some specific details regarding my progress, it is quite famous for producing so many soldiers and it is quite famous for its farming industry.

✓ If I talk about some specific details, it (Haryana) is quite famous for producing many soldiers and for its farming industry.

Sentence is awkward and contains repetition ('it is quite famous' twice) and 'my progress' is incorrect contextually. Replace with clear subject reference and avoid repetition. Use 'many' instead of 'so many' for formal statement. Clarify the subject by repeating the place name or using 'it (Haryana)'.

× What do you like about your home town?

✓ What do you like about your hometown?

This is a prompt sentence from the examiner; combine 'home town' into the standard single word 'hometown'. This is an orthographic/article style correction rather than grammar category but fits 'Article errors' as a closest match in the list.

× There are many different things which I really like about my hometown.

✓ There are many different things that I really like about my hometown.

Use 'that' (or 'which' with a preceding comma) for a restrictive clause. 'Which' is acceptable with a non-restrictive clause and would need a comma; here the clause is restrictive so 'that' is better. Also this improves sentence flow.

× Firstly, the education system is quite fabulous.

✓ Firstly, the education system there is quite good.

'Fabulous' is informal and hyperbolic; 'quite good' fits neutral descriptive tone. No strong grammar error but refining article use and adjective choice improves clarity.

× There are several universities in the field of agriculture, business and it.

✓ There are several universities in the fields of agriculture, business, and IT.

Use plural 'fields' when listing multiple areas and correct 'it' to 'IT' (information technology). Also separate items with commas and include the final item. 'In the fields of' is the correct prepositional phrase.

× Apart from it, I like the agriculture and sports field of my.

✓ Apart from that, I like the agriculture and sports sectors in my hometown.

Original sentence is incomplete and uses wrong pronoun 'my'. Replace with 'that' and complete the noun phrases as 'sectors in my hometown' to be grammatically correct and clear.

× Uh, I lived in my hometown since I born there.

✓ I have lived in my hometown since I was born.

Use present perfect 'have lived' with 'since' to indicate an action that started in the past and continues to the present. 'I born' is incorrect; use passive voice 'I was born'. 'Lived' alone would normally require a past time reference.

× If I talk about in years, I live in my hometown approximately 24 years apart from it.

✓ If I talk about years, I have lived in my hometown for approximately 24 years.

Use present perfect 'have lived' with 'for' to indicate duration up to now. 'Apart from it' is unnecessary and incorrect. 'Approximately 24 years' requires 'for' to show duration. 'If I talk about in years' is awkward; simplified to 'If I talk about years'. Also avoid 'live' present simple here.

× I born there and brought up there.

✓ I was born and brought up there.

Use the passive 'was born' and past participle 'brought up' with auxiliary 'was' or 'were' if needed; here 'brought up' should be 'was brought up' or combined as 'I was born and brought up there.' The original omitted 'was' for 'born' and 'brought' was misspelled as 'brought' but missing auxiliary.

× Is your home town a good place for young people?

✓ Is your hometown a good place for young people?

Combine 'home town' into 'hometown' for consistency. No major grammar error otherwise.

× Yes, my hometown is very amazing place for young people.

✓ Yes, my hometown is a very good place for young people.

Missing article 'a' before 'very amazing place'. 'Amazing' is strong; 'very good' is more neutral for this context. Include 'a' to make the noun phrase grammatical.

× There are many for reason behind it.

✓ There are many reasons for this.

Original has word order and wrong word 'for'. Correct phrase is 'many reasons for this' or 'there are many reasons behind it.' Use plural 'reasons'. Replace 'for reason' with 'reasons' and adjust word order.

× Firstly, education system is quite uh, good because there are many universities in the field of healthcare, science, IT sector and construction.

✓ Firstly, the education system is quite good because there are many universities in the fields of healthcare, science, IT, and construction.

Include definite article 'the' before 'education system'. Use plural 'fields' and parallel list formatting for the areas. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity. 'IT sector' can be shortened to 'IT' to match others.

× What is more uh, my hometown provides.

✓ What is more, my hometown provides many opportunities for young people.

Original sentence is incomplete and ends abruptly. Complete the idea by specifying what the hometown provides (e.g., 'many opportunities for young people'). Remove filler 'uh' and add a full object to the verb 'provides'.