Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 정확한 정보 전달과 문장 구조 개선이 필요합니다. 먼저 장소에 대한 사실 오류(광저우는 중국에 있음)를 바로잡아야 하고, 한 문장에 여러 정보를 넣을 때는 명확한 연결어를 사용하세요. 불필요한 말더미(uh)와 어색한 구문을 줄이고, 열차 소요시간을 말할 때는 출발지와 목적지를 명시해 자연스럽게 표현하세요.

例: My hometown is Guangzhou, which is in southern China. It takes about two hours and thirty minutes by train to travel from Guangzhou to a nearby major city.

提案: 사실관계와 단수·복수 일치, 어법을 바로잡으세요. ‘delicious food’라는 표현은 좋지만 구체적 예시(특정 음식, 맛집 지역)를 추가하면 더 풍부해집니다. 또한 'in Korea'라는 표현은 혼동을 주므로 삭제하거나 정정하고, 동사·대명사 일치와 불필요한 반복('taste try')을 고치세요.

例: I like Guangzhou mostly for its food, especially Cantonese dim sum and roast pork. Many people travel there to try the famous street markets and traditional restaurants.

提案: 시제와 문장 연결을 명확히 하고 문장을 간결하게 만드세요. ‘since’ 또는 ‘for’를 사용해 기간을 정확히 표현하고, 불완전한 문장과 반복을 피하세요. 또한 감정(그리움)을 표현할 때는 이유를 덧붙이면 더 설득력 있습니다.

例: I lived in Guangzhou for about twenty years, from my birth until I graduated from high school. Now I live in Seoul, but I really miss the city because my family and childhood friends are there.

提案: 문장 구조와 논리적 연결을 개선하세요. ‘although... but’ 같은 중복 연결사를 피하고, 일관된 주어·동사 형태를 사용하세요. 구체적인 근거(직업 기회 부족, 여가 활동 제한 등)를 제시하여 의견을 뒷받침하면 더 설득력 있습니다.

例: Although Guangzhou is calm and pleasant, it is not ideal for young people because there are few job opportunities. As a result, many young residents move to larger cities for work and entertainment.

× My hometown is Guangzhou. It is located in the southwest of Korea. Uh, it takes about two hours and 30 minutes by train.

✓ My hometown is Guangzhou. It is located in the southwest of China. It takes about two hours and 30 minutes by train.

The student used the wrong country preposition; Guangzhou is a city in China, not Korea. Use the correct geopolitical reference. Also remove filler 'Uh' and split into two clear sentences for clarity. Keep present simple for facts and travel time.

× My favorite part of this city is delicious food.

✓ My favorite part of this city is the delicious food.

When referring to a specific aspect as a noun phrase, use the definite article 'the' before 'delicious food'. This makes the sentence grammatically complete and natural.

× In Korea, Guangzhou is famous for their traditional food, and also many people from another city comes to Guangzhou to taste try this city's food.

✓ In China, Guangzhou is famous for its traditional food, and many people from other cities come to Guangzhou to try the local food.

Pronoun: 'their' is plural; Guangzhou is singular so use 'its'. Preposition: Guangzhou is in China not Korea. Verb agreement: 'people' is plural so use 'come' not 'comes'. Redundant words 'taste try' removed; use 'try' or 'taste'. Use 'other cities' (plural) for general sense.

× From the time when I was born to. When I graduated high school, so I lived there by 20 years, and now I live in I'm living in Seoul, but I really miss.

✓ I lived there from the time I was born until I graduated high school, a total of about 20 years. Now I live in Seoul, but I really miss Guangzhou.

Original contains fragments and mixed tenses. Combine related ideas into coherent sentences: use 'from... until...' for time span, 'a total of about 20 years' to state duration, present simple 'I live in Seoul' for current situation, and specify the object 'Guangzhou' after 'miss'.

× Honestly, although this city is a calm and quiet city but for young people. There are not much jobs, so people are young people in this city go out to the other city like so.

✓ Honestly, although this city is calm and quiet, it is not good for young people. There are not many jobs, so many young people leave this city for other cities.

The original mixes conjunctions ('although' with 'but') and has word order problems. Use either 'although' + clause or 'but', not both. Use 'not many' for plural countable nouns (jobs). Reorder to 'many young people leave' for clarity and correct verb agreement.