Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and start with a clear topic sentence naming your hometown. Limit supporting detail to one or two brief, relevant points and use a linking phrase. Also correct small naturalness issues (e.g., "that's my uncle, my grandma and my cousins" → "I live with my extended family, including my uncle, grandmother and cousins").

例: My hometown is Abuja. I moved here fairly recently and I live with my extended family, including my uncle, my grandmother and my cousins, which makes settling in easier.

提案: Avoid hesitations and repetition; open with a direct topic sentence. Give one clear reason and a specific example, using linking words like "because" or "for example". Remove filler phrases such as "I don't really like much before I have to pick one thing."

例: I like the strong sense of community in Abuja because people are friendly and it's easy to meet new friends. For example, my neighbors often organize weekend barbecues where everyone chats and helps each other.

提案: Be factual and sensitive. Start with a clear time statement (e.g., "Since late last year"). Avoid informal or unclear words ("legos") and contractions in formal test. Provide a brief, well-phrased reason if appropriate, but keep it concise and neutral.

例: I have lived in Abuja since late last year. I moved after my mother passed away, and I now live with other members of my extended family.

提案: Answer directly and support with a specific reason and example. Use linking phrases like "because" and avoid vague wording such as "around" repeated. Keep it to one topic sentence plus one supporting sentence.

例: Yes, I think Abuja is a good place for young people because there are many peers and social activities. For example, there are several youth clubs and weekend events where newcomers can meet people quickly.

× 'I don't really like much before I have to pick one thing.'

✓ 'I don't really like many things, but I have to pick one.'

'Like' in this context needs an object: 'like much' is ungrammatical in present tense; use 'like many things' to express the idea. Also 'before' is the wrong connector here; 'but' shows contrast between not liking much and having to choose one thing. Suggestion: use clear objects with verbs (like + noun) and the correct conjunction to join clauses.'

× 'people here are just generally, generally very nice.'

✓ 'people here are just generally very nice.'

'Generally' is repeated in the original sentence, which is redundant and awkward. Remove the duplicate to make the adverb placement natural. Also placing 'just' before 'generally' is acceptable to soften the statement.'

× 'I'm an extrovert, so I enjoy that very much.'

✓ 'I'm an extrovert, so I enjoy it very much.'

'Enjoy' normally takes a noun or pronoun object; using 'that' is grammatically acceptable but 'it' is more natural when referring to the previously mentioned situation (the sense of community). Ensure pronoun choice matches natural reference.'

× 'I moved here around the ending of last year.'

✓ 'I moved here near the end of last year.'

'Around the ending of last year' is awkward and ungrammatical. Use the common past-time expression 'near the end of last year' or 'towards the end of last year.' This corrects idiomatic past-time phrasing.'

× 'I used to live with my mom in legos but I had to move 'cause she passed away unfortunately.'

✓ 'I used to live with my mom in Lagos, but I had to move because she passed away, unfortunately.'

'legos' is a misspelling and likely a place name 'Lagos' which requires capitalization. Also 'cause' is informal; use 'because' in standard speech. Add commas for clarity and natural pause before 'unfortunately.' Ensure proper nouns are capitalized.'

× 'There are lots of people around my age that live around, so it will be very easy to make friends for young people who decide to move here in the near future.'

✓ 'There are lots of people my age who live here, so it will be very easy for young people who decide to move here in the near future to make friends.'

Placement of 'around' and word order is awkward: say 'people my age' rather than 'people around my age' for clarity. Use 'who' instead of 'that' for people. Move 'to make friends' to the end to complete the infinitive clause naturally. This preserves tense and meaning while improving word order and relative pronoun use.'