Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and precise: correct minor word choice errors (e.g., "large data" not "large digits"), avoid unnecessary length and keep within 3–4 sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words.

例: I work as a research scientist at the National Institute for Nuclear Science and Technology. I design and run experiments and analyze large datasets, and I also collaborate with researchers from physics and materials science. Because of this teamwork, I often learn new techniques and contribute to interdisciplinary projects.

提案: Be concise and use correct vocabulary and grammar. Capitalize proper nouns and avoid vague phrases (e.g., "1 experience"). Use linking words to connect location and description, and give a clear, specific recent example of work instead of an unclear phrase.

例: I work at the National Institute for Nuclear Science and Technology, located in the eastern part of Ulaanbaatar. The institute is a two-story building with a basement full of well-equipped laboratories, so I often run experiments there. For example, recently I conducted an experiment on radiation shielding in the basement lab.

提案: Good structure and content; improve naturalness and vocabulary. Use a concise topic sentence, then add one clear supporting reason and an example, using linking words like "because" or "for example." Avoid repetitive phrases like "I appreciate that."

例: Yes, it's a very good place to work because the institute offers strong support for new staff. For example, when I joined two years ago my colleagues trained me in laboratory techniques and recommended me for a professional development workshop.

提案: Reduce hesitations and correct grammar. Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid filler words ("umm", "uh"), use correct verb forms and clearer sequencing (e.g., "a nearby building was demolished and is being rebuilt"). Give one specific effect and a linking phrase to explain.

例: I don't really like the current situation at work because a nearby building was demolished and is now being rebuilt as apartments. As a result, the ongoing construction is very noisy and makes it difficult to concentrate during lab work.

提案: Clarify vocabulary and grammar, avoid mistakes ("power scholarships" unclear). Use conditional forms correctly and provide specific steps or timeline. Keep responses to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like "then" and "if".

例: I plan to pursue a master's degree abroad and am preparing to apply for scholarships to fund it. After graduating, I hope to find work there and build my career; if I can't find a suitable job, I will return to Mongolia.

× My work is quite complex because I design and run experiments, analyze large digits, and collaborate with researchers from different disciplines.

✓ My work is quite complex because I design and run experiments, analyze large datasets, and collaborate with researchers from different disciplines.

The phrase 'large digits' is incorrect collocation; 'digits' are individual numerals. Use 'large datasets' or 'large amounts of data'. This is a word choice/usage issue related to the verb phrase 'analyze' taking an appropriate object; replace 'digits' with 'datasets' to convey the intended meaning.

× The institute has a two-story building and the basement with laboratories is basically designed for experiments.

✓ The institute has a two-story building, and the basement with laboratories is basically designed for experiments.

This sentence needs a comma before the conjunction 'and' to join two independent clauses; the original reads awkwardly but the grammatical number is acceptable. The main issue is punctuation and flow rather than singular/plural; however the plural 'laboratories' is correct. Suggest adding a comma to improve clarity and connection between clauses.

× So lately I conducted 1 experience there.

✓ So recently I conducted one experiment there.

'Lately' is typically used with present perfect (e.g., 'I have conducted'), while 'conducted' is simple past and '1 experience' is incorrect collocation and formatting. Also 'experience' is the wrong noun; use 'experiment'. Use 'recently' with simple past, or change to present perfect: 'I have recently conducted an experiment there.' Write numbers as words in formal writing.

× Oh yes, it is nice place to work because the company has a very supportive environment for new employees.

✓ Oh yes, it is a nice place to work because the company has a very supportive environment for new employees.

The indefinite article 'a' is required before the singular count noun 'nice place'. Omitting the article is incorrect. Insert 'a' to form 'a nice place'.

× As I said, it's located in the eastern part of ulaanbaatar city, the capital of Mongolia.

✓ As I said, it's located in the eastern part of Ulaanbaatar, the capital of Mongolia.

Use the proper noun capitalization 'Ulaanbaatar' and omit the redundant word 'city' after the name. 'Eastern part of Ulaanbaatar' is the correct prepositional phrase. Also capitalize proper nouns.

× When I joined two years ago, my colleagues helped me learn many scientific techniques and gave me opportunities for professional development.

✓ When I joined two years ago, my colleagues helped me learn many scientific techniques and gave me opportunities for professional development.

This sentence is grammatically correct in tense usage (simple past for a past event). No change needed; included here to indicate it's correct and fits the past time frame.

× Umm, I don't really like the place where I work because about a year ago, uh, nearby building was demolished and this being rebuilt as apartments.

✓ Umm, I don't really like the place where I work because about a year ago, a nearby building was demolished and it is being rebuilt as apartments.

Missing article 'a' before 'nearby building' and incorrect verb form 'this being rebuilt'. Use passive construction correctly: 'it is being rebuilt' or 'it was rebuilt' depending on timing. Here 'is being rebuilt' indicates ongoing action. Ensure subject 'a nearby building' and verb 'was demolished' agree and follow correct passive structure.

× Then going construction is very noisy and uh, distracting, so it makes it difficult to concentrate during.

✓ Then the ongoing construction is very noisy and distracting, so it makes it difficult to concentrate.

'Going construction' is incorrect; use 'ongoing construction'. Place adverbs and modifiers correctly and remove the trailing preposition 'during' which lacks an object. The corrected sentence uses proper noun phrase order and removes the misplaced adverb.

× I plan to pursue a master's degree abroad and then I'm preparing to apply power scholarships to fund it.

✓ I plan to pursue a master's degree abroad and I am preparing to apply for scholarships to fund it.

'Apply power scholarships' is incorrect collocation. Use the verb phrase 'apply for scholarships'. Also maintain parallel structure: 'I plan... and I am preparing...' Use 'apply for' with the noun 'scholarships'.

× After completing my studies, I hope to find work there and build my career in that country.

✓ After completing my studies, I hope to find work there and build my career in that country.

This sentence is correct; the tense (present for future meaning 'I hope') and structure are appropriate. No change needed.

× If I couldn't find job, I go back to my home country.

✓ If I can't find a job, I will go back to my home country.

Conditional sentence is incorrect: mix of past conditional with present simple 'I go'. For a real conditional about the future, use first conditional: 'If I can't find a job, I will go back to my home country.' Also add the article 'a' before 'job'. Use 'will' to indicate future consequence.