Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and tighten your response. Start with a concise topic sentence stating you are a student, then add one clear reason for studying. Reduce redundancy and correct word choice (e.g., “industrial hospitality” → “the hospitality industry”). Keep to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like “because” or “so”.

例: I am a student studying commercial cookery at ANIBT College. I am studying this because I want to build a career in the hospitality industry, especially in professional kitchens.

提案: Improve accuracy, grammar and clarity. Begin with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I work part-time as…”). Correct vocabulary (e.g., “Japanese restaurant” or “Japanese izakaya”) and grammar (“I work five days a week”). Provide one specific detail about your duties or what you enjoy and avoid unclear names or phrases.

例: I work part-time as a cook at a Japanese restaurant on San Kuta Beach, and I usually work five days a week. I enjoy preparing sushi and small hot dishes, and I especially like seeing customers enjoy my food.

提案: Focus on clear grammar, appropriate vocabulary and logical linking. Start with a direct answer (“Yes, it’s a great place to work”), then give two specific reasons (friendly staff, supportive environment) using linking phrases like “because” or “which makes me”. Avoid incorrect words (e.g., “ghost pair”, “goose”) and use precise expressions such as “pleasant atmosphere” or “supportive team”.

例: Yes, it’s a great place to work because the atmosphere is pleasant and the staff are very friendly and supportive, which makes me feel confident and proud of my work.

提案: Refine pronunciation errors in writing (e.g., “place” not “pace”) and improve sentence flow with linking words. Start with the direct answer then give one or two concise reasons. Use varied vocabulary like “motivated”, “comfortable”, “collaborative”.

例: Yes, I like the place where I work because it is comfortable and the team is friendly, so I usually feel motivated and enjoy collaborating with my colleagues.

提案: Be specific and correct word choice. Start with a clear topic sentence about your goal (e.g., “I want to become a chef in a Japanese restaurant”), then briefly state how you will achieve it (training, practice, gaining experience). Use linking words like “so” or “by” to connect ideas and avoid repeating phrases.

例: My future plan is to become a chef in a Japanese restaurant. To achieve this, I intend to continue practising my cooking techniques, complete professional training, and gain experience working in different kitchen roles.

× I am currently studying in commercial cookery at ANIBT College because I want to work in industrial hospitality in the future.

✓ I am currently studying commercial cookery at ANIBT College because I want to work in industrial hospitality in the future.

Remove the unnecessary preposition 'in' after 'studying'. We say 'studying X' or 'studying at [institution]'; 'studying in commercial cookery' is nonstandard here. The rest of the tense and meaning are correct.

× I am a part time I cook as a Japanese lesalon at San Kuta Beach.

✓ I work part time as a cook at a Japanese restaurant called Lesalon on San Kuta Beach.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and has word order problems. Use 'I work part time' to indicate employment, 'as a cook' for role, and include an article before 'Japanese restaurant'. Provide a clearer name phrase 'called Lesalon' if that is the intended name. This fixes sentence structure and word order.

× I work there for five days a week.

✓ I work there five days a week.

Use simple present to indicate habitual action and omit 'for' which is unnecessary with frequency expressions like 'five days a week'.

× I enjoy cooking and also happy when Hazuma is my food.

✓ I enjoy cooking and am also happy when Hazuma is my food.

A verb is missing before 'happy'; add the auxiliary 'am' to form the correct predicate 'am happy'. Also the phrase 'Hazuma is my food' is unclear but kept literal; consider 'when Hazuma is my meal' if appropriate.

× Yes, definitely it is a ghost pair to work because the environment and staff there were really friendly and supportive is made me feel goose and proud of myself.

✓ Yes, definitely it is a great place to work because the environment and staff there are really friendly and supportive and they make me feel good and proud of myself.

Multiple errors: 'ghost pair' is likely a mispronunciation of 'great place'. Use present tense 'are' for environment and staff (general truth). Replace 'is made me feel goose' with 'they make me feel good' and include 'and proud of myself' connected with 'and'. This fixes word choice, subject-verb agreement, and sentence cohesion.

× Would you like the place where you work?

✓ Do you like the place where you work?

Question should ask about liking in the present: use 'Do you like...' not 'Would you like...' which implies preference or offer. No article changes required but the modal was inappropriate for simple opinion.

× Yes, I like my pace where I work because it is comfortable and the team is friendly so I usually feel motivated and enjoy working with other people

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because it is comfortable and the team is friendly, so I usually feel motivated and enjoy working with other people.

'pace' is a misspelling of 'place'. Add a comma before 'so' for clarity. Sentence otherwise uses correct tense and pronouns; fix the noun spelling to correct meaning.

× My future workpen is I would like to be a chef in Japanese Lesalon and I would like to practice my cooking skill and techniques.

✓ My future work plan is that I would like to be a chef at the Japanese Lesalon, and I would like to improve my cooking skills and techniques.

'workpen' is a typo for 'work plan'. Use 'is that' to introduce the content of the plan. Use 'at' for working at a place and pluralize 'skills'. 'Improve' is a better verb than 'practice' when talking about developing abilities. This corrects vocabulary, article use, and sentence structure.