Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời cần chính xác và ngắn gọn hơn; sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và chọn từ phù hợp. Nên bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, sau đó nêu thêm 1-2 chi tiết hỗ trợ. Tránh từ thừa và sửa lỗi từ "federal year" (không rõ nghĩa) bằng "final year" hoặc "a final-year student".

例: I am a final-year student at a university in my country. I am majoring in Finance and have been focusing on courses in investment and corporate finance.

提案: Trả lời trực tiếp, rõ ràng và ngắn gọn; sửa lỗi ngữ pháp (đảo cấu trúc, động từ). Nên dùng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng, có thể thêm lý do ngắn gọn. Tránh lặp từ và tiếng lắp.

例: I don't work at the moment because I am a final-year university student. I am concentrating on my studies and preparing for graduation.

提案: Cần cụ thể hóa đối tượng và nội dung, loại bỏ tiếng ừ/ứ và diễn đạt mạch lạc. Nên bắt đầu với một câu trả lời trực tiếp rồi giải thích cụ thể các lợi ích bằng ngôn ngữ chính xác (ví dụ "employee" not "EM").

例: Yes, I think it is a good place to work because it offers high salaries and generous staff benefits. For example, employees receive free meals and beverages and have access to wellness programs.

提案: Câu trả lời hơi rời rạc và gặp lỗi trật tự từ. Nên dùng cấu trúc "I would like to work at a place that..." rồi liệt kê 2 lý do rõ ràng, sử dụng liên từ để nối ý. Tránh lỗi ngữ pháp như "short distance from my house" (should be "is a short distance from my house").

例: I would like to work at a place that is a short distance from my house and offers good employee benefits. For instance, free meals and flexible working hours would be ideal for me.

提案: Ý tưởng tốt nhưng câu thiếu rõ ràng và có nhiều tiếng ngập ngừng. Cần một câu chủ đề rõ ràng: nêu mục tiêu nghề nghiệp cụ thể (ví dụ: work in investment banking or investment management), rồi giải thích lý do và cách bạn sẽ phát triển kỹ năng. Tránh nói ngắt quãng và hoàn thành ý chưa xong.

例: In the future, I would like to work in investment management to improve my skills and professional knowledge. I plan to gain practical experience in financial analysis and learn how markets operate by doing internships and taking specialised courses.

× I'm a federal year student in a university in my country.

✓ I'm a final-year student at a university in my country.

The student used 'federal year' which is incorrect vocabulary and 'in a university' is less natural than 'at a university'. Use 'final-year' as a compound adjective with a hyphen and 'at' for institutions. Suggestion: say 'I'm a final-year student at a university in my country.'

× My major is finance.

✓ My major is finance.

This sentence is grammatically correct. 'Finance' as a field of study does not require an article. No change needed.

× Oh I am now I'm don't work because I am a final year student.

✓ Oh, I don't work now because I am a final-year student.

Word order and auxiliary usage are incorrect. Use 'I don't work now' for present simple negative; remove duplicate 'am'. Keep 'final-year' as a hyphenated adjective. Suggestion: 'Oh, I don't work now because I am a final-year student.'

× Umm yes, uh, absolutely. It has a lot of benefits for EM employees such as high salaries, umm umm a lot of drinks or food. Food.

✓ Umm, yes, absolutely. It offers many benefits to employees, such as high salaries and free food and drinks.

'It has a lot of benefits for EM employees' is awkward and 'EM' unclear. Use 'offers' and 'to employees'. Combine items with 'and' and use 'free food and drinks' for clarity. Remove filler repetition. Suggestion: 'It offers many benefits to employees, such as high salaries and free food and drinks.'

× I would like to work the place where I'm short distance from my house and have many benefits for employees such as free meal drinks.

✓ I would like to work at a place that is a short distance from my house and offers many benefits to employees, such as free meals and drinks.

Incorrect verb and article usage: use 'work at a place', not 'work the place'. Use relative clause 'that is a short distance' and 'offers' for benefits. 'Free meal drinks' is incorrect; use 'free meals and drinks'. Suggestion: 'I would like to work at a place that is a short distance from my house and offers many benefits to employees, such as free meals and drinks.'

× In my future, I would like to work uh, uh, investment business to improve my skill and, umm, professional knowledge.

✓ In the future, I would like to work in investment banking/business to improve my skills and professional knowledge.

Use 'in the future' not 'in my future'; 'work in' is needed before a field. 'Investment business' is awkward—use 'investment banking' or 'investment business'. 'Skill' should be plural 'skills'. Suggestion: 'In the future, I would like to work in investment banking to improve my skills and professional knowledge.'

× I I want to learn how market and.

✓ I want to learn how the market works.

Sentence is incomplete and ungrammatical. Use a complete clause: 'how the market works.' Remove duplicate 'I'. Suggestion: 'I want to learn how the market works.'