Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition and make the response more concise with a clear topic sentence. Add a brief supporting detail about what preparing involves. Keep to 2–3 sentences and avoid hesitation.

例: I'm currently not working; I'm preparing full-time for PhD applications. Specifically, I'm improving my English and drafting research proposals to strengthen my applications.

提案: Avoid repetition and tighten the structure: state location first, then one or two concise reasons with linking words. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'drafting' instead of repeating 'write').

例: I work from home at the moment because I'm preparing for PhD applications; therefore I spend time improving my English and drafting my research proposal, which requires a quiet environment.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid redundancy. Use one linking word to add a concise reason and give a brief example of how it helps your work.

例: Yes, it is. Working at home suits me because it provides a quiet environment with minimal distractions, so I can focus deeply and complete complex tasks like writing proposals.

提案: Be more concise and correct awkward phrasing (e.g., 'it's also very clear near to my home'). Use linking words to contrast benefits and give a specific example of visiting the park.

例: Yes, I enjoy it because I can concentrate at home; additionally, there is a large natural park nearby where I often take short walks to clear my mind between study sessions.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence about your plans, then add concise reasons and show commitment. Replace vague phrases ('related with') with precise language and avoid contradictions between 'no clear plan' and 'hopefully'.

例: I don't have a fixed plan, but I hope to pursue research in anthropology or a related field because I'm interested in studying human cultures and society, and I'm preparing by applying for PhD programs.

× I I am preparing for my PhD applications and I just treat it as a full time period of study.

✓ I am preparing for my PhD applications and I just treat it as a full-time period of study.

Repeated 'I' is a typing/repetition error; 'full time' should be hyphenated when used as a compound adjective before a noun: 'full-time period'. Use present continuous 'am preparing' is correct for current ongoing action. Suggest removing duplicate word and hyphenating the compound modifier.

× The main reason is that I am preparing for my PhD applications, so my main job is to improve my English skills and write my write my research proposal, which needs a very quiet environment.

✓ The main reason is that I am preparing for my PhD applications, so my main job is to improve my English skills and write my research proposal, which requires a very quiet environment.

There is a repeated phrase 'write my' (typing/repetition error) and 'needs' is less natural with 'research proposal'; 'requires' is a better verb collocation. Keep present continuous 'am preparing' and use base verb 'write' in parallel with 'improve'. Remove duplicate words and choose appropriate verb collocation.

× Working at home is a much better choice for me because I really need a very quiet and peaceful environment with minimal distractions to help me concentrate and produce some valuable work.

✓ Working at home is a much better choice for me because I really need a very quiet and peaceful environment with minimal distractions to help me concentrate and produce valuable work.

'Some valuable work' is not incorrect but 'produce valuable work' is more natural and concise. This is a style/word choice improvement; preposition use is fine. Suggest removing 'some' to make phrase more direct.

× Yes, I really enjoy the place where I work because I can concentrate on my study and work at home, but at the same time there's a very large natural park where I can go to have a visit at any time and it's also very clear near to my home.

✓ Yes, I really enjoy the place where I work because I can concentrate on my studies and work at home, but at the same time there's a large natural park nearby that I can visit at any time and it's also very close to my home.

Use plural 'studies' for general academic work. 'Go to have a visit' is wordy and unidiomatic; use 'visit'. 'Near to my home' is nonstandard; use 'nearby' or 'close to my home'. Rephrase for natural preposition usage and smoother phrasing.

× I don't actually have a very clear straightforward future planned because in my opinion future is always unpredictable, but hopefully I can go into research related with anthropology or some related fields.

✓ I don't actually have a very clear, straightforward plan for the future because, in my opinion, the future is always unpredictable, but hopefully I can go into research related to anthropology or to some related fields.

Several issues: word order and missing articles—use 'a very clear, straightforward plan for the future'. Add commas for clarity. 'Related with' is incorrect collocation; use 'related to'. Include 'the' before 'future' when speaking generally here. These changes correct present-tense description and preposition use.