Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and directly responds to the question, but it is a bit short and could include one brief supporting detail to show purpose or context. Avoid filler sounds (umm) and keep sentences concise. Add a linking phrase to expand naturally.

例: I'm not working at the moment because I'm preparing my PhD applications. For example, I'm researching potential supervisors and refining my research proposal, which takes most of my time.

提案: The answer contains useful information but is slightly confusing (contradictory locations). Be specific and coherent: state one clear location and then give supporting details using linking words. Remove redundant phrases and hesitations.

例: I mainly work from home in Suzhou, where I do research and improve my English. In addition, I sometimes visit a smaller western city in China for short stays with family.

提案: Good points about workspace and nearby park, but speech is full of fillers and repetition. Streamline into one or two sentences, use linking words (for example, moreover) and be specific about why those things help your work (quiet, inspiration, breaks).

例: Yes, it is: I have a few quiet corners at home for focused writing and reading, and moreover there is a natural park nearby where I can take refreshing breaks to clear my mind.

提案: Direct and relevant. To improve, avoid repeating phrases (quite) and correct grammar (more efficient → more efficiently). Add a brief specific example of how the environment helps your productivity.

例: Yes, I like it. The quiet, peaceful environment helps me concentrate, so I can write for long periods without interruption and meet my weekly research goals.

提案: The answer communicates ambition and purpose. Tighten phrasing, avoid hedging words (could), and be more specific about the type of research or the impact you hope to achieve. Use one linking phrase to expand.

例: I'm preparing PhD applications because I want to conduct research in anthropology, focusing on cultural change in urban communities. Ultimately, I hope my work will inform policy or community programs that improve people's lives.

× I'm not working at the moment, I am preparing for my PhD applications.

✓ I'm not working at the moment; I am preparing my PhD applications.

The original sentence uses 'preparing for my PhD applications' which is acceptable, but 'preparing my PhD applications' is more concise and common. Also replace the comma with a semicolon to connect two independent clauses correctly. Suggestion: use a semicolon or separate into two sentences and prefer 'preparing my applications' for clarity.

× I spend most of my time at home doing some research and improving my English skills. So basically I live in Suzhou and a western city in China.

✓ I spend most of my time at home doing research and improving my English skills. Basically, I live in Suzhou, a city in eastern China.

The student wrote 'a western city in China' which contradicts Suzhou's location (it is in eastern China). Also 'doing some research' is wordy; 'doing research' is preferred. The two sentences are better connected: start the second sentence with 'Basically,' and remove 'So' at the start. Use commas to set off appositives: 'Suzhou, a city in eastern China.' If the student meant 'western-style city', they should say 'a western-style city in China'.

× I think so, umm, the main reason is that there are a couple of, uh, little corners for me to write and read at home. Umm, on the other hand, umm, there there is, there is a natural park near my home, so it's quite nice.

✓ I think so. The main reason is that there are a couple of small corners at home where I can write and read. Also, there is a natural park near my home, so it's quite nice.

The original contains hesitation fillers and repeated words ('there there is, there is'). Remove fillers and repetitions. Use 'small corners' instead of 'little corners' for natural phrasing. Change clause order: 'corners at home where I can write and read' is clearer. Replace 'on the other hand' with 'also' since the ideas are additive, not contrasting.

× Yes, just like I said before, the whole environment is quite quiet and peaceful, which is quite important to me and it can help me to work more efficient and productive.

✓ Yes, just like I said before, the whole environment is quite quiet and peaceful, which is very important to me and helps me to work more efficiently and productively.

The adjective 'efficient' and 'productive' were used where adverbs are required after 'work' (work more efficiently and productively). Also use 'very important' instead of repeating 'quite'. Remove 'it' to make 'helps me to...' or use 'helps me work...' for conciseness.

× Well, currently I am preparing for PhD applications, so I wish that in the future I could do some research work in anthropology or related fields and produce some work that can be really helpful to somebody.

✓ Well, currently I am preparing my PhD applications, so I hope that in the future I can do research in anthropology or related fields and produce work that will be really helpful to someone.

Use 'hope' instead of 'wish' for realistic future plans and 'can' rather than 'could' when expressing intention or expectation. 'Research work' is wordy; 'do research' is preferred. 'Somebody' is informal—use 'someone'. Use 'will be' to express future usefulness.