Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cần cải thiện độ rõ ràng và ngữ pháp: trả lời trực tiếp trong câu chủ đề, sửa lỗi động từ và cấu trúc, giới hạn độ dài (1-4 câu). Thêm liên từ khi nêu chi tiết và dùng từ vựng chính xác (ví dụ: “major in”, “subjects”, “help me build”).

例: I am currently a university student majoring in Finance at the Academy of Finance. I study subjects such as accounting, financial management and statistics, which help me build the technical skills I need for a career in finance.

提案: Câu trả lời nên ngắn gọn, trực tiếp trả lời câu hỏi rồi bổ sung chi tiết với liên từ rõ ràng. Sửa lỗi mạo từ và từ vựng (ví dụ: “the capital”), và tránh lặp ý. Giữ tối đa 4 câu.

例: I study at a university in Hanoi, which is the capital of Vietnam. Because it is far from my hometown, I rent a small apartment near campus so I can get to my classes easily.

提案: Cần trả lời rõ ràng (Yes/No) ngay lập tức và sửa ngữ pháp. Dùng liên từ để nối lý do và cung cấp ví dụ cụ thể. Tránh mơ hồ về “company” nếu đang nói về nơi học/ làm.

例: Yes, I think it is a good place to work because there are many career opportunities and modern facilities. For example, the company uses up-to-date technology that helps employees develop skills and improve their job prospects.

提案: Cần tránh lặp từ và sửa ngữ pháp (a supportive colleagues -> supportive colleagues / a supportive colleague). Dùng liên từ để làm câu mạch lạc, và cho ví dụ cụ thể, rõ ràng (e.g., “team-building events”). Giữ dưới 5 câu.

例: Yes, I really like my workplace because it has a friendly atmosphere and supportive colleagues. This makes it easier for me to make friends and feel more confident. For example, we often have team-building events where we collaborate on activities.

提案: Cần trả lời trực tiếp bằng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng và sửa lỗi từ vựng/ngữ pháp (e.g., “a bank”, “job security”, “support my family financially”). Tránh liệt kê lộn xộn; sắp xếp lý do theo thứ tự hợp lý và thêm liên từ để mạch lạc.

例: I want to work as an accountant at a bank because it offers good job security and strong career prospects. This would allow me to earn a stable income and support my family financially.

× I am currently a university student at the Academy of Finance. I start at the car still subjects in finance, accounting and satisfaction statistics which are have been me build the skills I need for a career in financial.

✓ I am currently a university student at the Academy of Finance. I am studying core subjects in finance, accounting and statistics, which have helped me build the skills I need for a career in finance.

The original contains multiple sentence structure and word choice errors: 'I start at the car still subjects' is meaningless and should be 'I am studying core subjects'. 'Satisfaction statistics' is incorrect word choice; likely 'statistics'. 'Which are have been me build' mixes tenses and grammar; use 'which have helped me build'. 'Career in financial' needs noun form 'finance'. Suggestion: use present continuous 'I am studying' for current activities, correct noun choices, and use present perfect 'have helped' to show past actions affecting the present.

× I study at the university in Hanoi, which is a capital of Vietnam, and because it is far from my hometown, I have to rent a small apartment near the university so I can get to classes easily.

✓ I study at a university in Hanoi, which is the capital of Vietnam, and because it is far from my hometown, I have to rent a small apartment near the university so I can get to classes easily.

Use of articles with 'capital' is incorrect: say 'the capital' not 'a capital' because Hanoi is the single capital. Also 'the university' can be 'a university' when introducing it; both are possible but 'a university in Hanoi' sounds more natural. Suggestion: use definite article 'the' with unique nouns (the capital).

× I absolutely yes. I think it is a good place to work because there are many career opportunities and modern facilities. For example, the company used up to date technology so I can develop my skills and find better jobs in the future.

✓ I absolutely do. I think it is a good place to work because there are many career opportunities and modern facilities. For example, the company uses up-to-date technology so I can develop my skills and find better jobs in the future.

'I absolutely yes' is incorrect; respond with 'I absolutely do' or 'Yes, absolutely.' 'Used up to date technology' mixes tense and form; correct is 'uses up-to-date technology' (present simple for habitual/company fact). Hyphenate 'up-to-date'. Suggestion: use appropriate auxiliary 'do' for short answers and present simple for general truths about the company.

× Yes, I really like my workplace because it has a friendly atmosphere and a supportive colleagues. This this makes me this makes it easy for me to make new friends and feel more confident. For example, we often have a team building events and a group is that.

✓ Yes, I really like my workplace because it has a friendly atmosphere and supportive colleagues. This makes it easy for me to make new friends and feel more confident. For example, we often have team-building events and group activities.

Errors: 'a supportive colleagues' mixes singular article with plural noun; remove 'a' or make singular. Duplicate 'This this makes me this makes' is repetition; use single 'This makes'. 'a team building events' has article-number mismatch; use 'team-building events' (plural) or 'a team-building event' (singular). 'a group is that' is unclear; likely 'group activities'. Suggestion: ensure noun and article/number agree, avoid repetition, and use correct collocations ('team-building events').

× I want to work as an accountant in the bank because it offers a high salary, good job, said security, and strong career prospects so I can support my family about practice finance.

✓ I want to work as an accountant in a bank because it offers a high salary, job security, and strong career prospects so I can support my family and practice finance.

Problems: 'the bank' can be 'a bank' when speaking generally. 'good job, said security' is garbled; intended 'job security'. Remove duplicate adjectives and reorder: 'high salary, job security, and strong career prospects'. 'about practice finance' is incorrect; use 'and practice finance' or 'and gain practical experience in finance'. Suggestion: use parallel list structure, correct collocations, and conjunction 'and' to connect purposes.