Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clear, direct topic sentence stating your status, use correct verbs and nouns, and avoid filler words. Keep it concise (1–2 sentences) and natural. For example, say you work part-time in a coffee shop rather than using unclear phrases like “walk a coffee.”

例: I’m not a student; I work part-time in a coffee shop. I serve customers and prepare drinks in the mornings and evenings.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the location, then add one or two specific details using linking words (e.g., because, so) to explain why it’s convenient or pleasant. Avoid vague phrases like “perfect picture.”

例: I work in my hometown, near the central bus station. It’s very convenient because public transport stops nearby, and there are many shops around.

提案: Answer directly (Yes/No) and give specific reasons with clear linking words. Avoid unfinished sentences and unclear references. Mention one or two concrete positive aspects such as friendly colleagues or flexible hours.

例: Yes, it’s a good place to work because my colleagues are friendly and the manager is supportive. The shifts are also flexible, which helps me balance other responsibilities.

提案: This answer is generally clear and relevant. Improve grammar and fluency by starting with a direct statement, using correct tense and smoother linking words like “because” or “so.” Keep it to 2–3 sentences and be specific about what colleagues do to help you learn.

例: Yes, I like my workplace because my coworkers are friendly and patient. Even though I’m new, they take time to show me tasks and offer useful tips.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence about your plan, then give specific goals and reasons. Use correct grammar (e.g., “I want to be” not “to be the person”) and organize with linking words like “because” or “so that.” Be concise and concrete about how you will help the community.

例: I’m still deciding, but I’d like to work in community services. I want to help immigrants and local people integrate by organizing language classes and community events so they can connect and access support.

× I'm not a student, I walk a coffee as a part time job stuff.

✓ I'm not a student; I work at a coffee shop as a part-time job.

The sentence has several issues: 'walk a coffee' is incorrect—likely mispronounced 'work at a coffee shop'. 'shop' is needed (countable noun) and 'part time' should be hyphenated as 'part-time' when used as an adjective. Also 'stuff' is unnecessary and informal. Improve by using the correct collocation 'work at a coffee shop' and the adjective form 'part-time job'.

× I work at our hometown, which is a very perfect picture and the places in the station, so which is very convenient to go there.

✓ I work in my hometown near the station, which is very convenient to get to.

The original uses incorrect prepositions and unnecessary relative clauses. Use 'work in my hometown' (not 'at'), and 'near the station' is a clear location phrase. 'Perfect picture' is idiomatic error; likely unnecessary. Use 'which is very convenient to get to' to refer to the location. This fixes preposition and sentence-structure issues and keeps meaning clear.

× This week so I worked for about. That's good, but from now on it's very they are very nice.

✓ This week I worked for a while. It was good, and from now on they are very nice to me.

Tense and sentence structure are inconsistent. 'This week I worked for about' is incomplete; change to 'worked for a while'. Use past tense 'It was good' for that period, then present 'they are very nice to me' for ongoing state. This corrects tense mismatches and completes fragments.

× Where I would I like this the place I work now because the coworkers are very nice and friendly so even I'm new they are very kind to teach me.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work now because my coworkers are very nice and friendly; even though I'm new, they are very kind and teach me.

Pronoun and word order errors: 'Where I would I like this the place' is ungrammatical. Use 'Yes, I like the place where I work now'. Add possessive 'my coworkers' and connect clauses properly with 'even though'. Use 'teach me' (present simple) for habitual action. This improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Well, that's really difficult question. I'm still thinking actually, but I what I'm thinking now is to the to be the person who can help community in my local in my place to get involved immigrants and local people.

✓ Well, that's a really difficult question. I'm still thinking, but what I'm considering now is becoming a person who can help my local community get immigrants and local people involved.

Multiple structural problems: missing article 'a' in 'a really difficult question'; awkward phrasing 'I what I'm thinking now is to the to be'. Use 'what I'm considering now is becoming' for correct noun phrase. 'Help community in my local in my place' should be 'help my local community'. 'To get involved immigrants and local people' needs reordering to 'get immigrants and local people involved.' These changes fix article use, word order, and clarity.