Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and include a clear topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repeating similar ideas and keep within 3–4 sentences. Use linking words (for example, “I mainly... and I also...”) and a wider range of vocabulary (e.g., “full-stack developer” instead of separately saying front end and back end).

例: I work as a full-stack web developer for international clients, mainly in the US. I design and build websites for industries like e-commerce and education, and I often manage both front-end interfaces and back-end systems. For example, I recently developed an online store with inventory management and a responsive shopping interface.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about your work location, then add one or two specific reasons or details (e.g., why your hours are that way, advantages). Avoid abrupt phrasing and ensure time expressions are correct (e.g., “from 6:00 PM to midnight”).

例: I work from home, and my typical workday runs from 6:00 PM to midnight because I collaborate with clients in different time zones. This schedule lets me attend live meetings with US clients and maintain a quiet, focused environment.

提案: Start with a clear opinion (Yes/No) and explain briefly with specific examples. Avoid tense inconsistency and incomplete sentences. Use linking words (e.g., “because,” “for example”) and keep answers to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, it is a very good place to work because I have been with the team for 15 years and developed strong friendships with colleagues. For example, they mentored me when I started, and I have learned many technical and project-management skills over the years.

提案: Give a direct response then expand with clear, specific reasons. Correct awkward phrases (e.g., “real office” → “a physical office,” remove fragments like “visi vicinity”). Use linking words like “but” and “because” properly and keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I like working from home, but I would also enjoy working in a physical office because it would give me more opportunities to mingle with colleagues and learn from their daily practices. For instance, informal office discussions could help me pick up new design techniques quickly.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence about your future plans and follow with specific goals and steps (e.g., target roles, skills to develop, timeline). Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences. Use linking words like “so that” or “by” to explain purpose and methods.

例: In the future, I plan to move into senior or leadership roles such as Senior Developer or Technical Lead so that I can manage projects and mentor junior developers. To achieve this, I intend to improve my architecture skills, take leadership training, and lead at least two major projects within the next two years.

× I work from home and my day usually starts around 6:00 PM until 12 midnight.

✓ I work from home and my day usually starts at around 6:00 PM and ends at midnight.

The original sentence mixes 'starts around' with 'until' which makes the time range unclear and uses 'until 12 midnight' awkwardly. Use parallel verbs for start and end ('starts' and 'ends') and correct preposition 'at around' for approximate start time. Also use 'midnight' without redundant '12'.

× It was. It has been an amazing work experience working with them for the past 15 years and through the years I have developed strong friendship with my coworkers and also learned a lot of things from them from the beginning until the end, from basic to.

✓ It has been an amazing work experience working with them for the past 15 years, and over the years I have developed strong friendships with my coworkers and learned a lot from them, from basic to advanced skills.

The sentence begins with 'It was' which conflicts with 'for the past 15 years' that requires present perfect ('has been'). Use plural 'friendships' to match 'coworkers' and remove redundant phrases. Complete the final phrase ('from basic to advanced skills') to make the comparison clear. Use commas to separate clauses.

× I like the place where I currently work at, but somehow I also would love to experience a real office where I could mingle with my coworkers and also learn from different experiences.

✓ I like the place where I currently work, but I would also love to experience a real office where I could mingle with my coworkers and learn from different experiences.

The phrase 'where I currently work at' has redundant 'at' because 'where' already indicates location. Remove 'at'. Also streamline 'also would love' to 'would also love' for natural word order and delete duplicate 'also' before 'learn'.

× I also like to experience real office visi vicinity and.

✓ I would also like to experience the atmosphere of a real office and its vicinity.

The original fragment is incomplete and contains non-word 'visi'. Recast sentence to a complete structure: 'would like to experience the atmosphere of a real office and its vicinity.' Include article 'the' before 'atmosphere' and use 'its vicinity' to refer to the surroundings.

× I plan to explore different senior roles in the in the future as I also want to gain more vast knowledge and experience from any senior roles.

✓ I plan to explore different senior roles in the future, as I want to gain broader knowledge and experience in senior positions.

Remove duplicated 'in the in the'. 'More vast' is unidiomatic; use 'broader' or 'greater'. Replace 'from any senior roles' with 'in senior positions' to express gaining experience while occupying such roles. Ensure tense 'plan' fits future intention.

× I also would like to.

✓ I would also like to gain more responsibility and leadership experience.

The original is an incomplete sentence fragment lacking an object or complement. Provide a complete clause that logically follows the previous sentence about exploring senior roles, e.g., 'gain more responsibility and leadership experience.'