Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 答えがやや混乱しており、文法と発音の誤りが多く見られます。まず、最初に直接的なトピック文（I work. / I'm working.）で答えをはっきり述べてください。その後、必要であれば簡潔に期間を述べ、冗長な言い換えや言いよどみ（um, uh, then, though）を避けましょう。また、時制の一致（I have been working for two years）と冠詞（a manufacturing beverage company / the beverage manufacturing company）の使用を正しくしてください。具体的な改善ポイント：1) 最初の一文で明確に職業を述べる。2) 続けて在職期間を現在完了形で1文にまとめる。3) つなぎ言葉を減らし、最大5文以内に抑える。

例: I work for a beverage manufacturing company. I have been there for two years since I changed jobs, and I currently hold a sales development role.

提案: 内容が不明瞭で語彙や文法の誤用が目立ちます（“I buy in manufacturing the credit card company”など）。まず職場の種類と担当業務を明確に述べ、続けて具体的な業務内容や範囲（例：海外営業、欧州市場の拡大）を1～2文で補足してください。接続表現（for example, because, especially）を正しく使い、語順と前置詞（in abroad → abroad / in Europe）を修正しましょう。具体的な改善ポイント：1) 会社の業種と自分の役割を簡潔に述べる。2) 海外での仕事の範囲や目標を具体的に示す。3) 文法（動詞、前置詞）を正しく使う。

例: I work for a beverage company in Tokyo as a sales development manager. My main responsibility is to expand our sales volume abroad, especially in Europe, so I often communicate with international clients.

提案: 意見は示せているものの、表現がぎこちなく冗長で、語順や語彙（emotionally → emotionally, geography → geographically）の誤りがあります。まず肯定の一文で始め、次に理由を2つ程度に絞って簡潔に述べましょう。接続語（because, and, also）を使って論理的に繋げ、不要な繰り返しや言いよどみを避けること。具体的改善ポイント：1) 明確な理由を1～2点に絞る。2) 形容詞・副詞の正しい形を使う（geographically）。3) つなぎ言葉を適切に配置する。

例: Yes, it is. I enjoy working there because the office is conveniently located near Tokyo Station, and the company culture is supportive, which makes me feel comfortable at work.

提案: 満足度は伝わるが、表現が曖昧で語の選択や語順に誤りがあります（in time results physically → unclear; geography → geographically; 'a lot of convenient transportation links' → many convenient transport links）。まずは簡潔に満足している旨を述べ、その後具体的な理由（通勤の便利さ、職場環境、待遇など）を1～2点挙げてください。不要な繰り返しを避け、文を短く保つこと。具体的改善ポイント：1) 明瞭な理由を示す。2) 正しい語句（physically → physically healthy? or 'in terms of location'）を使う。3) 文を二～三文にまとめる。

例: Yes, I'm very satisfied with my workplace. The office is close to Tokyo Station, so commuting is very convenient, and the working environment is comfortable and supportive.

提案: 意図は残れるが不自然な表現と多くのためらいがあり、文法的にも改善が必要です（I like to walk my company → I would like to stay with my company; many opportunity to have a potential → many opportunities to develop my potential）。将来計画は簡潔で現実的に述べ、理由を1文で補足してください。条件節（if possible）は使えるが冗長にならないよう注意。具体的改善ポイント：1) 'stay with the company'など自然な表現を使う。2) 機会や理由は具体的に（career development, promotion opportunitiesなど）。3) 言いよどみを減らし、1～2文でまとめる。

例: If possible, I would like to stay with this company for the foreseeable future because my current role is satisfying and offers many opportunities to develop my skills and advance my career.

× I work in the manufacturing beverage company then I've been working there for two years already.

✓ I work for a beverage manufacturing company, and I have been working there for two years.

The original sentence has word order and connector problems. Use 'work for' with companies and place 'manufacturing' before 'company' as a modifier. Combine clauses with 'and' and use present perfect continuous or present perfect ('have been working' is correct) to indicate an action continuing to the present. Also remove unnecessary 'then' and 'already'. Suggestion: say 'I work for a beverage manufacturing company, and I have been working there for two years.'

× I changed my job two years ago then though.

✓ I changed my job two years ago, though.

The action 'changed' is correctly in past tense; only word order and extraneous 'then' were incorrect. Use a comma before 'though' at the end of a clause. Suggestion: remove 'then'.

× So umm, I'm not working here.

✓ So, I'm not working there now.

Pronoun reference: if speaker previously mentioned a company, use 'there' not 'here' when referring back. Add 'now' if meaning current employment status. Also remove filler 'umm'. Suggestion: 'So, I'm not working there now.'

× Uh, that is not long term.

✓ It is not a long-term position.

Use 'it' as the subject, hyphenate 'long-term' when used as a compound adjective before a noun like 'position', and supply the noun 'position' or say 'long term' with 'position' implied. Suggestion: 'It is not a long-term position.'

× I buy in manufacturing the credit card company, then my law is to expand the sales volume in the abroad.

✓ I work in the credit card manufacturing company, and my role is to expand sales volume abroad.

Many preposition and vocabulary errors: 'buy in manufacturing' is incorrect for 'work in' or 'work at'; 'law' should be 'role'; 'in the abroad' should be 'abroad' (no article). Also 'credit card manufacturing company' may be reordered as 'credit card company' or 'company that manufactures credit cards'. Suggestion: 'I work at a credit card company, and my role is to expand sales volume abroad.'

× So I have an opportunity to interact with customers in all over the world.

✓ So I have the opportunity to interact with customers all over the world.

Do not use both 'in' and 'over' together; use 'all over the world'. Use 'the opportunity' or 'an opportunity' depending on context; 'the opportunity' is more natural here. Suggestion: 'I have the opportunity to interact with customers all over the world.'

× Especially we are waiting for expanding in Europe, which is.

✓ We are especially planning to expand into Europe.

'Waiting for expanding' is unnatural. Use 'planning to expand' or 'preparing to expand'. Use 'into Europe' or 'into the European market'. Remove trailing 'which is'. Suggestion: 'We are especially planning to expand into Europe.'

× Personally, I feel my workplace is great for emotionally and geography as well because umm, my office is located next to Tokyo Station, which is high end place, uh, people are really proud of and my position is.

✓ Personally, I feel my workplace is great emotionally and geographically because my office is located next to Tokyo Station, which is a high-end area that people are really proud of, and I am satisfied with my position.

Many issues: use adverb forms 'emotionally' and 'geographically'. 'High end place' should be 'high-end area'. 'People are really proud of' needs an object and better integration. 'My position is.' is incomplete; change to 'I am satisfied with my position.' Remove fillers. Suggestion: 'Personally, I feel my workplace is great emotionally and geographically because my office is located next to Tokyo Station, which is a high-end area that people are proud of, and I am satisfied with my position.'

× Yeah, I'm really satisfied with my workplace in time results physically, uh, emotionally and geography.

✓ Yes, I'm really satisfied with my workplace in terms of results, physically, emotionally, and geographically.

Use the phrase 'in terms of' rather than 'in time results'. Use adverbial form 'geographically'. Insert commas between items in the list. Remove filler. Suggestion: 'I'm really satisfied with my workplace in terms of results, physically, emotionally, and geographically.'

× My office is next to the station, which is, is a lot of convenient transportation links and I'm very satisfied with.

✓ My office is next to the station, which has many convenient transportation links, and I'm very satisfied with it.

The clause after 'which' should describe the station: 'has many convenient transportation links'. Remove repeated 'is'. The sentence ends missing object; add 'it' to refer to the office/station. Suggestion: 'My office is next to the station, which has many convenient transportation links, and I'm very satisfied with it.'

× In my view, I like to walk my, uh, my, uh, company, uh, for the rest of my life if possible because, uh, my position is really, umm, satisfying because I have many opportunity to have a potential.

✓ In my view, I would like to stay with my company for the rest of my life if possible because my position is very satisfying and gives me many opportunities to reach my potential.

'Like to walk my company' is incorrect; use 'would like to stay with my company'. Use conditional/future preference 'would like'. Use plural 'opportunities' and 'reach my potential' for idiomatic expression. Remove fillers. Suggestion: 'I would like to stay with my company for the rest of my life if possible because my position is very satisfying and gives me many opportunities to reach my potential.'