Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence and then give one or two specific details. Correct unclear phrases (e.g. “E levels”, “neo artist”, “press ONS”) or replace them with clearer terms. Avoid run-on sentences by using linking words and punctuation.

例: I am currently working. I finished my A-levels recently and now I work as a nail artist. I run my own business selling nail press-ons online, and I also take client bookings for custom sets.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Use more natural phrasing (e.g. “I work from home” not “work from home based”) and avoid repetition.

例: I work from home. I welcome clients to my house for appointments and I also prepare and package the press-on nails here, which I sell online, so working from home is convenient for me.

提案: Structure your answer: state your opinion, then give two clear reasons with linking words. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g. “access them with their meals”) and unnecessary repetition. Use more precise vocabulary (flexible schedule, convenient for clients).

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because I have a flexible schedule and can manage appointments easily. In addition, clients find it convenient to visit my home studio, so running the business from home is more manageable.

提案: Give a direct answer and one or two concise reasons. Avoid repeating the same idea. Use clearer future phrasing (e.g. “I might open a shop in the future”) and linking words to show contrast when needed.

例: Yes, I enjoy working there because I started the business myself and I love doing nail art. However, in the future I might open a shop to expand the business and reach more customers.

提案: Provide a clear, structured plan with specific details and correct grammar. State one main goal and then explain two concrete steps or benefits. Avoid vague filler words and unclear phrases about hiring.

例: In the future I plan to open a physical salon. I would like to hire and train junior nail artists, including students who want experience, and make it easier for clients to find and visit my business.

× I am currently working, I have just finished my E levels and I have been working as a neo artist.

✓ I am currently working; I just finished my E levels and I have been working as a nail artist.

Mixed and incorrect tense/use: 'I have just finished' is fine but 'I am currently working' and 'I have been working' together are awkward. Use simple past 'I just finished' for a recent completed action and present perfect continuous 'I have been working' to show ongoing experience. Also 'neo artist' seems to be a typo for 'nail artist'. Use consistent, clear tenses and correct vocabulary. Suggestion: Use simple past for completed past events (I just finished) and present perfect continuous for actions that started in the past and continue (I have been working as a nail artist).

× I need my own press ONS and I sell it online.

✓ I need my own press-ons and I sell them online.

Plural and noun form error: 'press ONS' should be 'press-ons' (compound noun) and plural 'them' matches 'press-ons'. Also use lowercase and hyphen. Suggestion: Use correct compound noun and plural pronoun agreement.

× Currently I work from home based.

✓ Currently I work from home.

Awkward phrase 'home based' incorrectly placed; 'work from home' is the correct idiomatic structure. Suggestion: Use standard expression 'work from home' or 'I am home-based' if you want an adjective.

× I have clients that come at my house for their appointments and I do my works like my press ONS at home.

✓ I have clients who come to my house for their appointments and I do my work, like press-ons, at home.

Preposition 'come at' is incorrect; use 'come to'. Use relative pronoun 'who' for people. 'Works' should be 'work' (uncountable) and 'press ONS' corrected to 'press-ons'. Suggestion: Use 'come to', 'who', and uncountable 'work'.

× I generally enjoy doing my work at home.

✓ I generally enjoy doing my work at home.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Keep as is.

× I think it is a good place to work because I am able to control my timing and it is more flexible and also clients are able to just come to my house and I am able to access them with their meals and overall I think it is more manageable and easy.

✓ I think it is a good place to work because I can control my schedule and it is more flexible. Clients can simply come to my house, and I can accommodate them with refreshments. Overall, I think it is more manageable and easy.

Tense/word choice and run-on sentence: Use 'can' instead of 'am able to' for simplicity. 'Timing' better as 'schedule'. 'Access them with their meals' is unclear; likely 'accommodate them with refreshments' or 'offer refreshments'. Split long run-on into shorter sentences. Suggestion: Use concise modal verbs (can), correct nouns (schedule), and clearer phrasing.

× Yes, I like the place that I work because it is a business that I started on my own and it was all because I really wanted to start my own business and it is something I really like to do.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because I started the business on my own; I wanted to start my own business and it is something I really enjoy doing.

Use 'where' instead of 'that' for places. Reduce redundancy and use 'enjoy doing' instead of 'really like to do'. Tighten sentence for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'where' with places and avoid repetitive clauses.

× I maybe, however, I maybe in the future I would like to open my own shop.

✓ However, maybe in the future I would like to open my own shop.

Redundant and incorrect placement of 'maybe'. Use a single 'maybe' and proper sentence order. 'Would like to' correctly expresses future desire. Suggestion: Place adverbs like 'maybe' before the verb phrase and remove repeats.

× In the future, I would love to open a shop where hire people like stuffs to do new and hire like students or like maybe like people who aspire to be a new artist and also make it more convenient for my clients to find my shop.

✓ In the future, I would love to open a shop where I can hire people to do various tasks, including students or people who aspire to be nail artists, and make it more convenient for clients to find my shop.

Problems: missing subject 'I' for 'hire', incorrect words 'stuffs', awkward repetition 'like'. Clarify 'nail artists' and use 'can hire' to show ability. Keep 'would love to' for future desire. Suggestion: Use clear infinitive phrases ('hire people to do tasks'), correct nouns ('stuff' -> 'tasks'), and remove redundant fillers.