Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence indicating current status (graduate and plans), use correct grammar (e.g., "I have recently completed my Bachelor's degree in Business Administration") and keep to 2–3 sentences. Add one specific detail about where or what you plan to study to make it more informative.

例: I have recently completed my Bachelor's degree in Business Administration, and I plan to continue my studies abroad. For my master's I hope to study Human Resource Management in Canada to prepare for a career in HR.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence stating your job and role, avoid repetition, and add one specific detail about your responsibilities to enrich the answer. Use present simple for routines: "I work as... and lead a team that..."

例: I work as an insurance advisor and team leader at Girnar Insurance Brokers Private Limited. I lead a small team that advises clients on policy options and manages claims follow-up.

提案: Provide a clearer and grammatically correct explanation. Use a linking phrase (e.g., "because" or "for example") and give a specific reason or example rather than vague praise. Avoid fragments and fix grammar: "they have a quiet environment and treat employees well."

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because it has a calm office environment and managers treat employees respectfully. For example, they offer flexible hours and regular feedback sessions.

提案: Avoid repeating earlier points; instead summarize briefly and add a specific personal reason or example of what you like. Correct grammar (e.g., "perquisites" or "benefits") and keep to two sentences max. Use a linking word like "also" to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I like working there because it offers a quiet atmosphere and competitive salary. I also appreciate the benefits, such as health insurance and performance bonuses, which make the job more secure.

提案: This answer is clear and specific; improve fluency by using natural phrasing and linking words for sequence (e.g., "first..., then..."). Correct minor grammar: "start my own HR consultancy" and specify a short timeframe or reason to strengthen the response.

例: After I complete my master's, I plan to work as an HR manager to gain practical experience. Then I hope to start my own HR consultancy abroad—ideally in Edmonton—because the city has a strong job market and diverse workforce.

× I have currently completed my graduations with Bachelors in Business Administration degree and planning to further studies abroad.

✓ I have currently completed my graduation with a Bachelor of Business Administration degree and am planning to study abroad.

Errors: plural 'graduations' should be singular 'graduation' (ID 1), 'Bachelors' should be singular possessive form 'Bachelor' and properly formatted 'Bachelor of Business Administration' (ID 13/22), missing article before degree 'a' (ID 22), and missing auxiliary verb 'am' before 'planning' (sentence structure/verb form, ID 26). Suggestion: use singular nouns for completed qualifications, include the indefinite article before a countable degree, use the correct degree name, and include the appropriate auxiliary verb for present continuous ('am planning').

× I am working as an insurance advisor and working as a team leader with Girnar Insurance Brokers Private Limited.

✓ I am working as an insurance advisor and as a team leader at Girnar Insurance Brokers Private Limited.

Errors: repetition of 'working' is redundant and awkward (sentence structure, ID 26); incorrect preposition 'with' should be 'at' for place of employment (ID 11). Suggestion: combine roles with 'and as' to avoid repetition and use 'at' to indicate employer/location.

× Yes, because they have a quiet environment and having a. Good behaviour towards employee.

✓ Yes, because it has a quiet environment and good behaviour towards employees.

Errors: 'they' refers to the company but a company can be treated as singular 'it' (pronoun use, ID 12); 'having a. Good' is ungrammatical and should be rephrased to 'and good behaviour' (sentence structure/verb form, ID 26); 'employee' should be plural 'employees' (singular/plural issue, ID 1). Suggestion: use 'it' for the company, use parallel noun phrases ('has a quiet environment and good behaviour'), and pluralize 'employees' when speaking generally.

× Yes, as I mentioned earlier, I like the place due to its quiet environment and they provide competitive salary and value their employee. Also it offers attractive prequisites.

✓ Yes, as I mentioned earlier, I like the place because of its quiet environment; it provides competitive salaries and values its employees. It also offers attractive perquisites.

Errors: mixed subjects—'its' (singular) then 'they provide' (plural) causing subject-verb agreement and pronoun inconsistency (ID 27/12); 'competitive salary' should be plural 'competitive salaries' when speaking generally (quantifier/plural, ID 14/1); 'value their employee' should be 'values its employees' to agree in number (subject-verb agreement/pronoun, ID 27/12/1); 'prequisites' is misspelled, correct 'perquisites' (word choice/spelling, treated as sentence structure ID 26). Suggestion: keep company references singular ('it') and match verbs accordingly, pluralize countable nouns when generalizing, and spell specialized terms correctly.

× In future, after completing my masters, I want to work as an HR manager and later on I want to start up my own HR consultation agency in a foreign country.

✓ In the future, after completing my master's, I want to work as an HR manager, and later I want to start my own HR consultancy agency in a foreign country.

Errors: missing article 'the' in 'In the future' (article error, ID 22); 'masters' should be singular possessive 'master's' (grammar/plural issue, ID 1/22); 'start up' is better as 'start' or 'set up' and 'consultation' should be 'consultancy' or 'consulting agency' (word choice/sentence structure, ID 26). Suggestion: include 'the' for time expressions, use correct possessive for academic degrees, and choose the appropriate noun ('consultancy agency').

× Especially I like to open an HR consultation in Edmonton.

✓ In particular, I would like to open an HR consultancy in Edmonton.

Errors: sentence initial 'Especially' is awkward; better 'In particular' (word choice/sentence structure, ID 26); 'like to open' should be 'would like to open' to express future desire politely (modal/tense, ID 4/7); 'HR consultation' is incorrect noun choice—use 'HR consultancy' (word choice, ID 26). Suggestion: use 'In particular' or 'Especially' followed by a clear structure, use 'would like' for polite future intention, and use the correct noun 'consultancy'.