Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Уточните и упростите ответ: начните с прямого предложения (I am a full-time student...), затем добавьте короткое пояснение о подработке. Избегайте разрывов и ненужных пауз, исправьте слова (например, "sales assistant" вместо "cell assistant"). Ограничьте ответ 2–3 полными предложениями.

例: I am a full-time student at Ottawa University, and I also work part-time as a sales assistant in a clothing store. I work evenings and weekends to help cover my expenses.

提案: Начните прямо: назовите место и должность корректно (sales assistant at Bershka). Дайте одно-две конкретные детали о магазине — например, почему он популярен — и используйте связующее слово для логичности. Избегайте неясных фраз как "closed store" в данном контексте.

例: I work as a sales assistant at Bershka, a popular youth fashion store. Recently it has become especially trendy among teenagers because of its affordable and stylish collections.

提案: Дайте сначала прямой ответ (Yes/No/It depends) и затем объясните причины коротко и ясно. Исправьте грамматику и словосочетания (например, "I earn a good salary" и "cover my expenses"). Используйте связку "because" или "plus" для логики. Не повторяйте идеи несколько раз.

例: It depends, but for me it is a good place to work because I earn a good salary which helps me cover my expenses. Also, I enjoy working with my friends, which makes the job more pleasant.

提案: Ответьте прямо (Yes, I would) и объясните 1–2 конкретные причины. Исправьте выражения: "I'm drawn to" → "I like working there"; "behavior and attitude from colleagues" → "friendly colleagues". Упростите конструкцию, избегайте словесных ошибок.

例: Yes, I like working there because my colleagues are friendly and supportive, and I receive a good salary that helps me financially.

提案: Начните с прямого предложения о планах и затем конкретно объясните причину. Уберите междометия "uh" и исправьте грамматику ("protect other people's rights" и "stand up for them"). Добавьте краткую информация о шагах, которые вы предпринимаете, чтобы достичь этой цели.

例: I want to become a family lawyer in the future because since childhood I have wanted to protect people's rights and stand up for them. I am currently studying law-related subjects and planning to apply for law school after graduation.

× Currently I am a full time student in Ottawa University and at the same time a part time. Cell assistant in the clothes store.

✓ Currently I am a full-time student at the University of Ottawa and at the same time a part-time sales assistant in a clothing store.

The original contains sentence fragments and incorrect word order. Use 'full-time' and 'part-time' hyphenated as adjectives, 'at the University of Ottawa' is the correct preposition and name order, and 'sales assistant' or 'shop assistant' is a complete noun phrase. Combine fragments into one clear sentence to avoid sentence structure errors.

× Currently I work as a cell assistant in Bershka.

✓ Currently I work as a sales assistant at Bershka.

The word 'cell' is incorrect; likely intended 'sales'. Use the preposition 'at' for a workplace name (work at Bershka). Correcting the job title and preposition fixes the sentence.

× It is a closed store.

✓ It is a busy store.

'Closed' likely is a vocabulary mistake producing incorrect meaning; as written it is grammatical but context suggests 'busy' or 'popular'. If the intended meaning was 'closed', clarify context. Ensure the adjective matches intended meaning to avoid confusing sentence structure and meaning.

× In recent years it gained dramatic increase attention from teenagers.

✓ In recent years it has gained dramatically increased attention from teenagers.

The original has wrong tense and word order. Use present perfect 'has gained' to indicate change over time, use adverb 'dramatically' to modify 'increased', and adjust noun phrase to 'increased attention'. This corrects tense and collocation problems.

× It really depends on the person.

✓ It really depends on the person.

Sentence is acceptable as is; no correction needed. It is a grammatically correct response.

× Personally, I am drawn to work at this place because I have high salary and its meaning that I can take responsibility of my expense.

✓ Personally, I am happy to work at this place because I have a high salary, which means I can take responsibility for my expenses.

'Drawn to work' is awkward for context; 'happy to work' or 'glad to work' is clearer. Missing article before 'high salary' and wrong pronoun 'its' should be 'which'. Use 'responsibility for' and plural 'expenses'. These corrections fix pronoun, article and preposition errors.

× Moreover, I work with my best friends and it is the main reason.

✓ Moreover, I work with my best friends, and that is the main reason.

Use a comma before coordinating conjunction 'and' joining two independent clauses. Replace vague 'it' with 'that' to refer back to the reason. This improves sentence clarity and structure.

× Certainly, I'm drawing to work in this place.

✓ Certainly, I enjoy working in this place.

'I'm drawing to' is incorrect. Use 'I enjoy working' or 'I'm glad to work' to express liking. Correcting the verb phrase fixes sentence meaning and structure.

× It comes down to the behavior and attitude for my sights from the colleagues and my high salary which I receive.

✓ It comes down to the behavior and attitude of my colleagues and the high salary I receive.

'For my sights' is incorrect and unclear; use 'of my colleagues' to show possession. 'Which I receive' is wordy; 'I receive' after 'salary' is more natural. This corrects pronoun/possessive structure and improves clarity.

× To be honest, I would like to work as a family lawyer in future, uh, because since my childhood, uh, I always want to protect other people rights and stand up with them.

✓ To be honest, I would like to work as a family lawyer in the future because since my childhood I have always wanted to protect other people's rights and stand up for them.

Use 'in the future' or 'in future' depending on variety; 'in the future' is standard. Remove fillers 'uh'. Use present perfect 'have always wanted' to express a desire since childhood. Use the possessive 'people's rights' and the correct preposition 'stand up for' someone. These changes fix tense, article, possessive and preposition errors.