Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct: start with a clear topic sentence stating your situation, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid vague or irrelevant info (e.g. “earn a lot of money”) and minor grammar errors. Use linking words (first, then, and) to make the sequence clear.

例: I both work and study. I attend language classes in the mornings, and then I work at a local electronics company in the afternoons. This routine helps me improve my language skills while gaining practical experience.

提案: Answer directly and correct grammar: give the company type, your role or department, and precise working hours. Replace filler words (uh) with pauses and use a linking phrase if needed.

例: I work at a company that manufactures electronic devices. I usually work there four to five hours a day in the customer service department, handling product inquiries and technical support.

提案: Begin with a clear opinion and support it with two specific reasons. Fix grammar (plural/singular, sentence endings) and avoid repeating words. Use a linking word (because, so) correctly and finish the sentence fully.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because my colleagues are very helpful and the managers provide prompt support when I have problems. As a result, I feel comfortable asking for help and learning on the job.

提案: Give a clear, current opinion and avoid tense errors and fillers. Use one or two specific examples of what you like (quiet environment, supportive team) and state future intention correctly with proper verb forms.

例: Yes, I like my workplace because it has a peaceful atmosphere and colleagues are supportive and understanding. I would like to continue working there in the future because it helps me concentrate and grow professionally.

提案: Be specific and realistic: state one main goal and describe concrete steps you will take (study, training, timeline). Avoid vague phrases and filler words, and use correct collocations (work hard, study medicine).

例: My main long-term plan is to become a doctor. To achieve this, I will complete my current language courses, apply to medical school, and study hard for the entrance exams over the next two years.

× I balance work and student life together.

✓ I balance work and student life.

Redundant use of 'together' is unnecessary and awkward. The sentence is correct in present simple (habitual action). Remove 'together' to sound natural.

× I joined some languages courses in the morning and after that I work in a company where I earn a lot of money.

✓ I joined some language courses in the morning, and after that I work at a company where I earn good money.

Use 'language courses' (not 'languages courses') and 'some' is fine. Use preposition 'at' for company and 'good money' or 'a good salary' is more natural than 'a lot of money' in this context. Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× As I mentioned before, I work in a company uh which is related to electronic devices. I spend 4 to 5 hour with the company.

✓ As I mentioned before, I work at a company which is related to electronic devices. I spend 4 to 5 hours at the company.

Use 'at' for work locations. 'Hour' must be plural 'hours' with a number greater than one. Also use 'at the company' (not 'with') to indicate time spent at the workplace.

× Definitely it is a good place where I work because all staff member are very helpful and hardworking so if I have any issues so I can easily tell to the manager and they support me in the.

✓ Definitely, it is a good place where I work because all staff members are very helpful and hardworking, so if I have any issues I can easily tell the manager and they support me.

Use plural 'staff members'. Remove the redundant 'so' and unnecessary 'to' after 'tell'. The clause ending 'in the.' is incomplete; remove it. Commas improve clarity.

× Definitely, I like the place where I work because the environment was very is very peaceful. So Staffs are very, umm, helpful and understanding. So I think, uh, in future, I definitely work together.

✓ Definitely, I like the place where I work because the environment is very peaceful. The staff are very helpful and understanding, so I think in the future I will definitely continue working there.

Use present simple 'is' for current environment; remove duplicate 'was'. Use 'staff' (collective) rather than 'staffs'. 'In the future' is correct phrase. Use future form 'will continue working' to indicate future plan; 'work together' was unclear.

× There are many future plans. Uh, I want to achieve my goals, uh, as well, I want to become a doctor, so in future I, I will struggle hard.

✓ I have many plans for the future. I want to achieve my goals; I also want to become a doctor, so in the future I will work hard.

Use 'have' for possession of plans rather than 'there are'. 'For the future' is the usual phrase. 'Will work hard' is more natural than 'will struggle hard'. Remove filler words and use punctuation to separate ideas.