Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific details. Avoid repetition and use correct verb forms and small linking words for coherence.

例: I work full-time during the week and do a part-time job at a coffee shop on weekends. During weekdays I do production tasks in a disability services workshop, and at the café I help as a kitchen hand and all-rounder to support myself.

提案: Be clearer and more natural: open with a topic sentence naming the workplace, then list specific duties using correct vocabulary and linking words. Correct unclear phrases and avoid redundant words.

例: I work nearby at a disability services production workshop. There I do packing and boxing, quality-check tasks, and I also assist clients with simple daily activities.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then add 1–2 specific reasons linked by conjunctions. Remove vague phrases like “for some reason” and correct repetition.

例: Yes, it's a good workplace because it's flexible and casual, so I can take time off when I need to. Also, the pay helps me support myself financially.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and one or two concise reasons using linking words. Fix word order and eliminate repetition to sound more natural.

例: Yes, I like it because it's very close to where I live and well served by public transport, so my commute is convenient and quick.

提案: State your plans clearly with a simple structure: a topic sentence about your main goal, then specific steps or reasons. Use correct phrases (‘childcare sector’, ‘get sponsorship’, ‘gain qualifications’) and avoid filler words.

例: I plan to move into the childcare sector. Specifically, I want to gain relevant training and qualifications so I can find paid work or sponsorship by an employer to build a long-term career in childcare.

× I do work every day, on Monday through Friday I'm doing production work and on weekends I'm doing my part time job as a kitchen hand an all rounder at coffee shop.

✓ I work every day. From Monday to Friday I do production work, and on weekends I do my part-time job as a kitchen hand and all-rounder at a coffee shop.

The student used continuous forms ('I'm doing') where simple present is appropriate for habitual actions (routine work). Also minor article and compound-word errors corrected. Use simple present for routines: 'I work', 'I do production work', 'I do my part-time job'. Add articles ('a coffee shop') and hyphenate 'part-time' and 'all-rounder'.

× I work to support my life.

✓ I work to support myself.

'Support my life' is unnatural English. Use the reflexive pronoun 'myself' after 'support' to indicate the worker supports their own living expenses. This corrects sentence structure and word choice.

× I work just close by my place mostly.

✓ I work close to my home, mostly.

'Close by my place' is an incorrect prepositional phrase. Use 'close to my home' or 'near my place'. Also move adverb 'mostly' to natural position after the clause.

× I work in production work in disability service.

✓ I do production work in a disability service.

Redundant 'work in production work' is incorrect. Use 'do production work' and include the article 'a' before 'disability service' to specify the workplace.

× I do production things packing, boxing, ceiling waking and assisting some disability.

✓ I do production tasks such as packing and boxing, cleaning ceilings, and assisting people with disabilities.

The student used 'ceiling waking' and 'assisting some disability', which are incorrect forms. Use noun phrase 'production tasks' and parallel gerunds with 'such as packing and boxing'. Use 'cleaning ceilings' if that is meant, and 'assisting people with disabilities' for clarity and correct plural/noun usage.

× Yes, for some reason I can support my life and also this job is very flexible and it is casual so in in some time I can take day off without feeling guilty so it's all good.

✓ Yes, this job helps me support myself. It is very flexible and casual, so sometimes I can take a day off without feeling guilty.

'For some reason I can support my life' is awkward; rephrase to 'helps me support myself'. Remove repeated words ('in in'), use 'sometimes' instead of 'in some time', and include article 'a' before 'day off'. Maintain consistent tense and modal sense: ability/possibility expressed by 'can' is okay but rephrased for naturalness.

× Yes, I like the place where I work because it's close to my place, it's really convenient to travel and also not too far a lot of public transport.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because it's close to my home, it's really convenient for travel, and there is good public transport nearby.

Replace 'my place' with 'my home' for clarity. Use 'convenient for travel' and correct the fragment 'not too far a lot of public transport' to a grammatical clause such as 'there is good public transport nearby'. Also add 'there is' for existence.

× Uh, my future workplace plans are I want to work in a childcare sectors and the second I want to get sponsorship toward in childcare sectors and I want to learn more to work in childcare to, umm, to be someone who act.

✓ My future work plans are to work in the childcare sector. I also want to get sponsorship to work in childcare, and I want to learn more so I can work there and progress in my career.

Multiple issues: use of plural 'sectors' is incorrect here—use singular 'sector'. Replace awkward phrasing 'sponsorship toward in' with 'sponsorship to work in'. Remove redundant 'to' before infinitives and replace 'to be someone who act' with a clear goal like 'progress in my career' or 'work professionally'. Use infinitive forms 'to work', 'to get', 'to learn'. These adjust tense and verb forms to express future intentions.