Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and grammatically correct: use present perfect for duration, correct noun plurals, and reduce filler words. Keep it concise (max 5 sentences) with a clear topic sentence, one or two specific supporting details, and a short example. Use linking words like "for example" or "because" to connect ideas.

例: I am a dietitian and I have worked in this field for almost ten years. My work is both motivating and rewarding because I design evidence-based diet plans that help patients manage metabolic disorders. For example, a plant-focused diet I recommended recently reduced a patient's blood sugar spikes significantly.

提案: Avoid repetition and fillers, correct tense and article use, and make sentences more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons why the location is helpful, using linking words like "because" or "so".

例: I run my own clinic and I have been self-employed for over ten years. It is next to my house, so I can easily balance work and family life, which is especially important because I am a mother of three.

提案: Improve grammar and word choice, reduce redundancy, and organize ideas with linking phrases. Correct phrases like "tailored to my needs" and "children enjoy being there." Give one clear reason and a specific detail or example.

例: Yes, it is a very good place to work because about 40% of the clinic is planted with greenery, creating a calm atmosphere. I designed the space to suit my needs, and children enjoy the therapeutic garden and swings when they visit.

提案: Make the response more concise and fluent by removing hesitations and repetitions. Use correct comparative forms and smoother linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Provide one clear reason and a brief example of your investment.

例: Yes, I am very satisfied with my current workspace and plan to stay long-term because it is much more relaxing than the hospitals and clinics I previously worked in. For example, I invested in landscaping and furnishings to create a peaceful environment.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct vocabulary; "wedding over the hats" is unclear. Keep to a maximum of five sentences and state two specific, well-formed plans with reasons and chronological detail. Avoid hesitation and ensure grammar is correct (e.g., "I want to finish my current projects" and "return to sports after I turn 40").

例: I plan to complete the projects I have already started, such as expanding my clinic's patient education programs. Also, after I turn 40 I want to return to sports and regular exercise to improve my fitness and set a healthy example for my children.

× It has been almost a decade since I am working in this field.

✓ It has been almost a decade since I started working in this field.

Use 'since' with a past-time point and simple past tense to indicate when an action began. 'Since I am working' is incorrect because 'since' needs a reference point (started) or present perfect continuous (I have been working). Use 'I started working' or 'I have been working in this field for almost a decade.'

× I create scientifically based diet plan that helps patient manage their metabolic disorder naturally.

✓ I create scientifically based diet plans that help patients manage their metabolic disorders naturally.

Nouns must agree in number: 'plan' should be plural to match a general statement about what the speaker creates, and 'patient' should be plural to match 'their'. Also 'diet plans' and 'patients' require plural verbs 'help' and plural 'disorders' to maintain consistency.

× I have seen incredibly uh result especially in controlling the blood sugar spike with the plant diet.

✓ I have seen incredible results, especially in controlling blood sugar spikes with a plant-based diet.

Use plural 'results' for general outcomes. 'Incredibly' (adverb) must modify an adjective; use 'incredible results'. 'The blood sugar spike' is too specific; use 'blood sugar spikes'. 'Plant diet' is better expressed as 'plant-based diet'. Include commas for clarity.

× I'm self-employed, I'm running my own clinic for more than 10 years.

✓ I'm self-employed; I've been running my own clinic for more than 10 years.

For an action that began in the past and continues, use present perfect continuous or present perfect: 'I've been running' or 'I have run.' The original uses simple present 'I'm running' which is incorrect for duration.

× It is located uh, just next to my house.

✓ It is located just next to my house.

Remove filler 'uh' in formal speech. The preposition 'next to' is correct; this correction mainly removes the filler and comma placement.

× So it helps me to strike a balance between my professional duties and household responsibilities.

✓ So it helps me strike a balance between my professional duties and my household responsibilities.

Add 'my' before 'household responsibilities' for parallel structure and remove 'to' after 'helps me' (correct collocation: 'helps me do something' or 'helps me to do something' both acceptable; here concise 'helps me strike' is preferred).

× Since I'm mother of three, uh, so it is far more convenient for me to manage all the things.

✓ Since I'm a mother of three, it is much more convenient for me to manage everything.

Add indefinite article 'a' before 'mother'. Remove redundant 'so' when using 'since'. 'Far more' is acceptable but 'much more' is more natural; 'all the things' should be 'everything.' Remove filler 'uh.'

× Definitely yes, because 40% of this place is dedicated to plantation, which provides a pleasant atmosphere.

✓ Definitely yes, because 40% of this place is dedicated to planting, which provides a pleasant atmosphere.

'Plantation' refers to a large farm; in this context 'planting' or 'green space' is more appropriate. The quantifier '40%' is fine; change the noun to fit meaning.

× Moreover, I designed it myself so it is tailored to my need and patience.

✓ Moreover, I designed it myself so it is tailored to my needs and preferences.

Use plural 'needs' for general requirements. 'Patience' is incorrect here; likely intended 'preferences' or 'paces'—'preferences' fits better. Maintain parallel noun forms.

× And children have great enjoy by being uh, in such a place which is therapeutic and having lots of swings.

✓ And children greatly enjoy being in such a therapeutic place that has lots of swings.

Use 'greatly enjoy' (adverb + verb) instead of 'have great enjoy'. Remove 'uh'. Use a relative clause 'that has' instead of 'which is ... and having'. Correct word order for clarity.

× Definitely, I'm quite satisfied with the, the current space where I'm already working and really want to work for long time because I tried several hospitals and clinic where I wanted to work, but I didn't find them umm, as relaxing as I have uh, the condition in this place.

✓ Definitely. I'm quite satisfied with the current space where I'm working and really want to work here for a long time because I tried several hospitals and clinics where I wanted to work, but I didn't find them as relaxing as this place.

Remove repeated 'the' and filler words. Use 'work here for a long time' for intention. 'Hospitals and clinics' plural for parallelism. Simplify 'as relaxing as this place' rather than awkward phrase 'as relaxing as I have the condition in this place.'

× Umm, So I, I invested a lot in this.

✓ So I have invested a lot in this.

If the investment has relevance to the present (still owned), use present perfect 'have invested'. Simple past 'invested' is acceptable if referring to a completed past action; here context implies ongoing relevance, so present perfect is better. Remove filler 'Umm'.

× I'm wedding over the hats and I really want to finish all the project I have initiated and secondly, after reaching 40 I want to return back to sports game to keep myself more fit and healthy as nowadays my active schedule is going on uh, so I uh, can reward every time for myself and I.

✓ I'm wrapping up current projects and I really want to finish all the projects I have initiated. Secondly, after I turn 40 I want to return to sports to keep myself fitter and healthier because my schedule is very busy now and I want to reward myself occasionally.

'Wedding over the hats' is incorrect idiom; 'wrapping up current projects' or 'winding down' fits. Use plural 'projects'. 'Return back' is redundant; use 'return to'. 'Sports game' should be 'sports'. Use 'turn 40' for age. Rephrase for clarity and remove fillers. Ensure tense consistency and natural collocations.