Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one brief supporting detail. Remove filler sounds (uh) and keep it within two sentences.

例: I'm a high school student. In the summers I work as a waiter at a local café to earn extra money.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repeating information. Use a clear topic sentence naming the workplace, then add a short reason with linking words (so, because). Keep it under three sentences and give a specific example of what you buy or save for.

例: I work as a waiter at a small café near my school. I do this so I can save money for things like new clothes or school supplies.

提案: Give a balanced answer with specific reasons. Use linking words like 'but' or 'however' correctly and complete your thought. Replace hesitations with concise phrases describing what makes it hard (e.g., long hours, busy shifts).

例: It has some good aspects, but it's quite demanding. For example, busy shifts with many customers can be stressful because I must serve many people quickly.

提案: Respond directly and give specific reasons with correct grammar. Use linking words (because, so) and avoid vague phrases like 'not worth it.' Mention particular issues (low pay, long hours, limited learning opportunities).

例: Not really, because the pay is low and the hours are long. I would prefer a job that pays more and offers opportunities to learn useful skills.

提案: Give a clear, structured answer: state your main plan, then give specific areas and a short reason. Use articles and correct prepositions (in a bank, in the field of). Avoid filler words.

例: I plan to work in a bank or a business company in the fields of economics, analytics, or logistics because I'm interested in how companies manage resources and make decisions.

× I am a high school student, but in the summer sometimes I work uh, as a waiter in local cafe.

✓ I am a high school student, but in the summer sometimes I work as a waiter in a local cafe.

The noun 'cafe' needs the indefinite article 'a' because it refers to a single, non-specific establishment. Omitting the article causes a singular/plural/usage error. Suggestion: use 'a local cafe' when mentioning one non-specific place.

× As I already said, uh, I'm a high school student, but sometimes I work as a waiter in local cafe so I can earn some extra money, uh, to buy something I want.

✓ As I already said, I'm a high school student, but sometimes I work as a waiter in a local cafe so I can earn some extra money to buy things I want.

The phrase 'in local cafe' lacks the article 'a' (see previous). Also 'something I want' is awkward; 'things I want' or 'something I want to buy' is better. Suggestion: include the article and use plural 'things' or rephrase to 'something I want to buy' for clarity.

× Yes it is, but uh working there is very hard, especially uh when you have a lot of customers because it is difficult to uh.

✓ Yes it is, but working there is very hard, especially when you have a lot of customers because it is difficult.

The original contains filler 'uh' and an incomplete ending. The participial phrase 'working there is very hard' is fine, but end of sentence is incomplete. Remove unnecessary fillers and finish the thought or leave as general statement. Suggestion: avoid filler words and complete sentences.

× No, I don't really like it because uh working there is not worth it and have a low salary and it would be better if I got more money from this.

✓ No, I don't really like it because working there is not worth it, it has a low salary, and it would be better if I earned more money from it.

The clause 'have a low salary' lacks a subject and verb agreement; the place 'it' should be the subject and take 'has'. Also 'got' is informal; 'earned' or 'received' fits better. Suggestion: ensure the subject 'it' is present and matches the third-person singular verb form 'has', and prefer 'earned' for clarity.

× I would like to work in bank or some business company, uh in economics, analytics or logistics sphere.

✓ I would like to work in a bank or some business company in the fields of economics, analytics, or logistics.

The phrase needs the article 'a' before 'bank'. Also 'sphere' is awkward; use 'field' or 'the fields of' and include commas in a list. Suggestion: add 'a bank', replace 'sphere' with 'field(s)', and remove filler words.