Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (“I’m a dietitian and have worked in this field for nearly ten years.”), avoid repetition, correct tense and article errors, and give one or two specific examples of your work’s impact with clear linking words (e.g., "For example"). Keep the answer to 2–4 sentences.

例: I’m a dietitian and have worked in this field for nearly ten years. I find the work very rewarding because I help people with metabolic disorders improve their health; for example, I create evidence-based diet plans and many patients show measurable improvements in blood sugar within a week.

提案: Organize into a clear, fluent response and fix grammar (use present perfect: "I have run my own clinic for almost ten years"). Avoid fillers and redundancy. Mention location and one or two benefits using linking words (e.g., "so", "therefore") and be specific about the green space's benefit.

例: I’m self-employed and I have run my own clinic adjacent to my house for almost ten years. This location is convenient for both my patients and me, so appointments are easier to keep, and the clinic’s large green space creates a calm atmosphere for consultations.

提案: Use natural phrasing and correct word choice (e.g., "a really good place"). Start with a direct answer, then give two concise supporting details. Avoid fragmented sentences and unclear phrases like "I get myself." Use linking words such as "because" and provide a clear result (how the environment affects you).

例: Yes, it’s a really good place to work because the clinic is surrounded by plants and a well-manicured garden. I often hear birds singing, which makes the environment calm and helps me feel relaxed and focused during consultations.

提案: This answer is generally good but can be tightened and made more natural. Begin with a direct sentence, then add specific supporting details using linking words like "because", and avoid minor tense/style slips. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to keep working here for many years because it’s close to my home and I helped design it to include plenty of green space and amenities like a gym and cafeteria. Overall, the environment feels therapeutic and supports my wellbeing.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence with correct grammar (use "I intend" or "My plan is to"). Separate work plan and personal activities into clear sentences and avoid trailing fragments. Use linking words ("because", "also") and be specific about the project and how hobbies benefit you.

例: My main plan is to finish a clinic project I started four years ago because completing it is my top priority and will advance my career. I also plan to resume rifle shooting in my spare time to relax and improve concentration, and I will continue regular exercise to stay fit and perform at my best.

× It has been almost a decade since I'm working in this field and my profession is both rewarding and motivating.

✓ It has been almost a decade since I started working in this field, and my profession is both rewarding and motivating.

The original mixes the present perfect expression 'It has been almost a decade since...' with 'I'm working', which is incorrect. Use simple past after 'since' when indicating the starting point (since I started) or present perfect continuous ('I have been working...') to show duration. Suggestion: use 'since I started working' or 'I have been working in this field for almost a decade.'

× I can bring lots of changes in public life or especially suffering from metabolic disorder.

✓ I can bring many changes to public health, especially for people suffering from metabolic disorders.

The sentence is unclear and has structural issues: 'in public life or especially suffering from metabolic disorder' is ungrammatical. Use 'to public health' to express impact and 'people suffering from metabolic disorders' to specify beneficiaries. Also use the plural 'disorders' and 'many' instead of 'lots of' in formal speech.

× I construct scientific diet plan for them and changes are visible within week.

✓ I construct scientific diet plans for them, and changes are visible within a week.

Use plural 'plans' when referring generally, and include the indefinite article 'a' before 'week' to indicate 'within a week'. Also add a comma for clarity.

× I'm self-employed, I run my own clinic.

✓ I'm self-employed; I run my own clinic.

This is a punctuation/style issue combined with tense: both clauses are fine but should be connected properly. A semicolon or conjunction improves sentence flow. No tense change required.

× It has, uh, been almost a decade since I'm working at my clinic.

✓ It has been almost a decade since I started working at my clinic.

Same error as earlier: after 'It has been almost a decade since', use simple past 'I started' or rephrase to 'I have been working at my clinic for almost a decade.' Mixing 'since' with 'I'm working' is incorrect.

× Moreover, it is far more convenient for my patient as well As for me to be there on time.

✓ Moreover, it is far more convenient for my patients as well as for me to be there on time.

Use plural 'patients' to be consistent, and the correct phrase is 'as well as' (not 'as well As'). The preposition 'for' should apply to both 'patients' and 'me'.

× In addition to this, my clinic has huge green space, so it is umm, provide.

✓ In addition to this, my clinic has a huge green space, so it is very pleasant.

'Provide' is incorrect here; likely intended 'pleasing' or 'pleasant'. Add the article 'a' before 'huge green space'. Replace filler 'umm' and choose an appropriate adjective such as 'pleasant'.

× Definitely, it is incredibly in good place.

✓ Definitely, it is an incredibly good place.

Incorrect word order: 'incredibly in good place' is wrong. Use the adverb 'incredibly' before the adjective 'good' and include the indefinite article 'a' before 'good place'.

× The environment is pleasant, I can see lots of plants in my surrounding and a manicured garden, well trimmed edge.

✓ The environment is pleasant; I can see lots of plants in my surroundings and a manicured garden with well-trimmed edges.

Use plural 'surroundings', and 'with well-trimmed edges' is the correct prepositional phrase. Use hyphenated 'well-trimmed' and plural 'edges' for clarity.

× Uh, that's around the clinic.

✓ Uh, that's around the clinic.

This short sentence is acceptable as spoken English; no grammatical pronoun error detected. Keep as is.

× Moreover, I can hear chirping of word anytime of the day.

✓ Moreover, I can hear birds chirping at any time of the day.

'Chirping of word' is incorrect. Use 'birds chirping' or 'the chirping of birds'. Also use 'at any time' rather than 'anytime of the day'.

× If the environment is so pleasing and therapeutic, I get myself.

✓ If the environment is so pleasing and therapeutic, I feel relaxed and restored.

'I get myself' is incomplete and ungrammatical here. Provide a clear result clause such as 'I feel relaxed' or 'I recover my energy'.

× Definitely I would like to work in this place for many years.

✓ Definitely, I would like to work in this place for many more years.

Add 'more' to indicate continuation into the future, and include a comma after 'Definitely'. Alternatively, 'I would like to keep working here for many years' is natural.

× It is close to my house, which makes my commute short, and I was also involved in designing it so it has a lot of green space and useful amenities such as a gym and a cafeteria.

✓ It is close to my house, which makes my commute short, and I was also involved in designing it, so it has a lot of green space and useful amenities such as a gym and a cafeteria.

Add a comma before 'so' to separate clauses. The sentence is otherwise grammatically acceptable; pronoun use 'it' refers correctly to the clinic.

× I find the environment quite therapeutic.

✓ I find the environment quite therapeutic.

This sentence is correct as written; present tense 'find' is appropriate.

× Intend to finish the project I started here four years ago because completing it is my top priority and it will advance my career.

✓ I intend to finish the project I started here four years ago because completing it is my top priority and it will advance my career.

The original lacks the subject 'I' before 'intend'. Add 'I' to form a complete sentence.

× In the spare time, I want to take up rifle shooting again to relax and improve my concentration, and I continue exercise regularly so I can stay fit and perform at my best like my sister who's.

✓ In my spare time, I want to take up rifle shooting again to relax and improve my concentration, and I continue to exercise regularly so I can stay fit and perform at my best like my sister does.

Use 'In my spare time' (add 'my'), and 'take up rifle shooting' is fine. 'Continue exercise' should be 'continue to exercise' or 'continue exercising'. Finish the comparison with 'like my sister does' rather than the incomplete 'who's.'