Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and word choice, then add one specific detail about your plans. Avoid unnecessary phrases like 'senior schedule' which are unclear.

例: I am a student. I recently finished my undergraduate studies in commerce, and I plan to pursue higher education abroad next year to study international business.

提案: Answer directly and correct grammar. If you are a student, say where you study and your subject. Use one clear sentence for the topic and one supporting detail if needed.

例: I don't work; I am a full-time student. I am studying public health at my university.

提案: Interpret the question as asking about the place (e.g. university or field). Give a clear opinion and one or two specific reasons using linking words (because, therefore). Reduce hesitation and repetition.

例: I think it is a good place to study because there are many opportunities for internships and research. Therefore, students can gain practical experience alongside their courses.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct grammar. Replace 'work' with 'study place' if you are a student. Give a brief reason to support your opinion, using a linking word.

例: Yes, I like the place where I study for my degree because the campus has great facilities and supportive professors.

提案: Structure your answer: start with a clear topic sentence about your main plan, then add one or two specific details (desired role, industry, or skills). Use correct tense and avoid unclear phrases like 'proportions and places'.

例: In the future I plan to find a job in marketing that matches my personality and skills. For example, I would like to work as a marketing coordinator where I can apply digital marketing techniques and keep up to date with industry trends.

× I am a student. I have just completed my senior schedule in commerce team.

✓ I am a student. I have just completed my senior studies in the commerce stream.

The phrase 'senior schedule' is incorrect; 'studies' fits academic context. 'Commerce team' is not idiomatic for a field of study; 'commerce stream' or 'commerce program' is appropriate. Use simple present perfect 'have just completed' correctly to indicate a recent action.

× Now I have a wish to go abroad for my higher education.

✓ Now I would like to go abroad for my higher education.

'Have a wish' is unnatural here; 'would like' or 'want' is more idiomatic for expressing desire. Maintain present tense/modal to express intention; no change in tense necessary.

× No, I do not have any work because I am a student. I am study of in health.

✓ No, I do not have any work because I am a student. I am studying health.

'I am study of in health' is ungrammatical. Use the present continuous 'am studying' to show current activity. Remove unnecessary preposition 'of' and place the noun 'health' directly after the verb.

× Uh, no, I'm not a work person, so I'm a student. I have a, there are many of good opportunities in my student fields and uh, I, I, I think it is a good place to study.

✓ Uh, no, I'm not a working person, I'm a student. There are many good opportunities in my field of study, and I think it is a good place to study.

'Work person' should be 'working person' or 'working professional'. 'Many of good opportunities' is incorrect order; correct is 'many good opportunities'. 'My student fields' is awkward; use 'my field of study'. Remove filler words and redundant clauses for clarity.

× Yes, I love place where I am study in my graduation.

✓ Yes, I love the place where I studied during my undergraduate studies.

Tense and word choice are incorrect. Use past tense 'studied' if referring to a completed degree. 'My graduation' is not correct for 'during my undergraduate studies' or 'during my degree'. Include the definite article 'the place'.

× My future work plans are I find perfect, I will find perfect job.

✓ My future work plan is to find a perfect job.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and repetitive. Use an infinitive phrase 'to find a perfect job' to express purpose. 'Plans are I find perfect' is incorrect structure.

× It is suitable for my personality and my professions.

✓ It should be suitable for my personality and my profession.

'Professions' is plural and awkward; use 'profession' (singular) when referring to the student's chosen career. Also use 'should be' or 'would be' if speaking about a future job's fit. Ensure parallel structure: 'my personality and my profession.'

× Then I worked there and it is my proportions and places and UH for marketing mix also and read latest to my business field.

✓ Then I will work there, and it will fit my responsibilities and role; I will also work on the marketing mix and keep up to date with the latest developments in my business field.

Original mixes past and present incorrectly and uses unclear words ('proportions and places'). The student likely means future intentions, so use future tense 'will'. Replace unclear nouns with 'responsibilities and role.' Use 'keep up to date with the latest developments' for clarity. Use parallel verb forms for coordinated actions.