Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Melhore a clareza e a correção gramatical da resposta. Use uma frase tópica direta e depois um detalhe de suporte curto; corrija preposições e estrutura (por exemplo, "degree in Education" e "the job I am doing"). Mantenha a resposta dentro de 2-3 frases para soar mais natural.

例: I currently work as a learning support officer. I got this job because I have a degree in Education, which prepared me for supporting students in the classroom.

提案: Torne a resposta mais natural e precisa, usando ligações simples entre as ideias (por exemplo, 'and' ou 'which') e corrija pequenas imprecisões (por exemplo, 'on Main St.' em vez de 'in the Main St.'). Forneça um detalhe específico e relevante.

例: I work at a Catholic school in the southern suburbs of Melbourne, which is known for its chilly weather and charming architecture on Main St.

提案: Seja mais conciso e evite repetições. Comece com uma frase direta e acrescente um ou dois detalhes específicos que exemplifiquem o ambiente de trabalho (por exemplo, 'colleagues often share resources' or 'management is supportive').

例: Definitely. The staff are welcoming and willing to help; for example, colleagues often share resources and management supports professional development.

提案: Melhore a fluidez e a gramática: use estrutura mais direta e corrija a concordância (por exemplo, 'I receive free housing' e 'I was able to get new devices' ou melhor 'I have access to new devices'). Seja específico e evite frases longas com muitas ideias sem ligação clara.

例: Yes, I enjoy working there. For example, I receive free housing and the school provides new technological devices, which makes my job easier.

提案: Clarifique a intenção e organize as ideias com ligações lógicas. Use condicional apropriado e corrija formas como 'get any sponsorship' para 'receive sponsorship'. Mantenha duas frases máximas: plano principal e condição/alternativa.

例: I plan to move into a teaching role. I am willing to relocate to find sponsored positions, but I would also stay at my current school if they could offer sponsorship support.

× At the moment I am working as a Learning support officer and my degree on education made me get the job that I'm doing right now.

✓ At the moment I am working as a learning support officer, and my degree in education helped me get the job I'm doing right now.

The sentence mixes awkward preposition use and a past action described with 'made me get' which is unnatural. Use 'degree in education' (correct preposition) and 'helped me get' (past tense verb that correctly expresses cause). Also 'Learning support officer' should be lowercased except for job title contexts. Improve by using 'helped me get' for clarity and smoother English. Grammar problem type ID:6

× I work in a Catholic school located in the southern part of Melbourne. It's known for its cold weather but charming architecture in the Main St.

✓ I work at a Catholic school located in the southern part of Melbourne. It's known for its cold weather and its charming architecture on Main St.

Use 'work at' for institutions or workplaces. Use 'and' rather than 'but' because the two qualities are not contrasting. Use 'on Main St' for street location and include 'its' before 'charming architecture' for clarity. Grammar problem type ID:11

× I would say that people who work there are quite welcoming and willing to help. I can find that the atmosphere is friendly and everyone is just able to support you whenever you need.

✓ I would say that people who work there are quite welcoming and willing to help. I find that the atmosphere is friendly and everyone is able to support you whenever you need it.

'I can find' is non-idiomatic; use 'I find'. Add 'it' after 'need' to complete the verb phrase 'need it'. Remove 'just' which is unnecessary. Maintain present simple for habitual truths. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Yes, I like the place where I work at the moment. There are some parts of being employed by this company such as housing and accommodation for free and also was able to get new technological devices from the school, so I do enjoy working there.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work at the moment. There are some benefits of being employed by this company, such as free housing and accommodation, and I was also able to get new technological devices from the school, so I enjoy working there.

Use 'benefits' instead of 'parts' when referring to perks. 'Housing and accommodation for free' should be 'free housing and accommodation'. The clause 'and also was able to get' lacks a subject—add 'I' and place 'also' appropriately: 'I was also able to get'. Remove unnecessary 'do' in 'I do enjoy'. Grammar problem type ID:11

× My future work plans involve getting a teaching job. I would be able to relocate to another area so in that way I can get any sponsorship, but I wouldn't mind staying here in the school that I'm working at the moment if they provide me any sponsor assistance.

✓ My future work plans involve getting a teaching job. I would be able to relocate to another area to obtain sponsorship, but I wouldn't mind staying at the school where I currently work if they provide any sponsorship assistance.

Use 'to obtain sponsorship' for clearer purpose. 'The school that I'm working at the moment' is better rephrased as 'the school where I currently work'. 'Sponsor assistance' is awkward—use 'sponsorship assistance' or simply 'sponsorship'. Maintain conditional phrasing with 'would' and 'wouldn't'. Grammar problem type ID:7