Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more natural by using correct tense and a clear topic sentence. Start with a direct statement about your current status, correct grammar (e.g. 'I graduated...and I currently work as...'), avoid unnecessary details about location unless relevant, and keep it to 1–2 sentences. Use linking to show sequence (e.g. 'I graduated two years ago, and now I...').

例: I graduated from university two years ago, and I currently work as a photographer at Etnet Limited. I mainly produce photos and videos for the company’s financial content.

提案: This answer is clear and relevant. To improve, make it slightly more concise and add one specific detail about your role or the company to enrich content. Use a linking phrase if you add supporting detail (e.g. 'which focuses on...'). Keep to 1–2 sentences.

例: I work as a photographer at Etnet Limited, a financial news platform in Coral Bay. I create photos and short videos for their market reports.

提案: Remove fillers and hesitations, correct articles, and organize ideas with a clear topic sentence plus 1–2 specific supporting points linked logically. For example, say 'Yes, it's a great place to work because... First,... Second,...'. Use precise vocabulary (e.g. 'financial topics', 'videography', 'live streaming').

例: Yes, it’s a great place to work because I learn a lot about financial topics like stocks. In addition, I have improved my photography, live-streaming and video-editing skills.

提案: Give a concise direct answer and follow with two clear reasons. Correct grammar (e.g. 'Yes, I do. The job gives me a lot of freedom, so I can manage my time and improve the quality of my work'). Avoid repetition and hesitations; use linking words like 'so' or 'because'.

例: Yes, I do. The job gives me a lot of freedom, so I can manage my time effectively and focus on improving the quality of my photos and videos.

提案: State your plan clearly, use correct verb forms, and give one or two specific steps or goals. Remove fillers and redundant words. Link present actions to future goals with 'so that' or 'in order to'.

例: I am currently training in event management and production so that I can become a producer. In the future I plan to lead projects that combine video production and live event coordination.

× I graduate from my university for about two years and currently serve as a photographer in for ET Net Limited, which is located in Corrie Bay, Hong Kong Island.

✓ I graduated from university about two years ago and currently serve as a photographer at ET Net Limited, which is located in Coral Bay on Hong Kong Island.

The sentence mixes present simple 'graduate' with a time expression indicating a completed action in the past. Use past tense 'graduated' and the time phrase 'about two years ago'. Preposition 'in for' is incorrect; use 'at' for a workplace. 'Corrie Bay' is likely 'Coral Bay' and add 'on' before 'Hong Kong Island' for correct preposition use.

× I work as a photographer at Etnet Limited, which is a financial platform located in Coral Bay, Hong Kong Island.

✓ I work as a photographer at ET Net Limited, which is a financial platform located in Coral Bay on Hong Kong Island.

Company name capitalization should be consistent ('ET Net' rather than 'Etnet'). Use the preposition 'on' with 'Hong Kong Island' to indicate location on an island. Maintain consistency in proper nouns.

× It is a absolutely good place to work because during, during your daily uh, work, I can learn more about financial uh, financial stuffs, stocks and also improve my uh skills regarding photography, live streams and videography taking and also editing videos.

✓ It is an excellent place to work because during your daily work I can learn more about finance and stocks, and also improve my skills in photography, live streaming, videography and video editing.

Use 'an' before a vowel sound; 'a absolutely' is incorrect. 'Absolutely good' is awkward; 'excellent' is better. Remove filler repetitions. 'Financial stuffs' is uncountable; use 'finance' or 'financial topics'. Use parallel noun forms: 'live streaming', 'videography' and 'video editing'. Also remove unnecessary words like 'taking' after videography.

× Definitely this place give this jobs gives me a lot of freedom so that I can make use of good make good use of my time to manage, uh, what should I do and and enhancing my product productivity.

✓ Definitely this place gives me a lot of freedom so that I can make good use of my time to decide what to do and to enhance my productivity.

Subject 'this place' requires the singular verb 'gives' not 'give'. Remove duplicated words 'this jobs gives' and repeated 'make good use'. Use infinitives 'to decide' and 'to enhance' to form parallel structure. 'Product productivity' is redundant; use 'my productivity'.

× Currently I'm taking training on event management and production so that in the future I think I will become a producer and uh, execute further all round projects, umm including videos taking and event management and management.

✓ Currently I'm receiving training in event management and production so that in the future I think I will become a producer and manage all-round projects, including video production and event management.

'Taking training on' is non-idiomatic; use 'receiving training in' or 'training in'. 'Execute further all round projects' is awkward; use 'manage all-round projects'. 'Videos taking' is incorrect; use 'video production'. Remove duplicated 'and management'. Ensure parallel nouns and natural collocations.