Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct article usage and verb forms, and add a brief specific detail using a linking word. Avoid redundancy (e.g., repeating 'account' or 'bank').

例: I work as a service associate at RCBC and have been there for almost four years. I mainly handle new account openings, so I assist customers with the application process and required documents.

提案: Answer directly with one clear sentence about location and role, correct tense and prepositions, then add a specific responsibility using a linking word. Keep total length under five sentences.

例: I work at RCBC’s Massena branch as a service associate and have been there for nearly four years. For example, I handle account openings and basic over-the-counter transactions such as deposits and withdrawals.

提案: Be natural and concise: use one or two reasons linked clearly. Remove repeated words (e.g., 'transport transportation') and use appropriate collocations like 'public transport' or 'public transportation'.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because it is close to public transport and offers flexible hours, which makes commuting and balancing personal tasks much easier.

提案: Combine sentences for coherence, correct comparative form ('closer to my home' is fine but link it), and avoid short fragmented sentences. Use a linking word to explain how the advantages help you.

例: Yes, I do. I like working there because it is close to my home and gives me free time, so I can easily run errands after work.

提案: Give a clearer, more concrete plan. Start with a topic sentence about your main goal, then add specific steps or areas you want to explore. Avoid vague phrasing and unclear terms (e.g., 'NBA graduate' is ambiguous).

例: Although I enjoy my current job, I plan to explore other opportunities in banking, such as customer relationship management or operations. For example, I hope to take professional courses in banking and apply for roles that make fuller use of my degree in business administration.

× I work as a service associate at RCBC for almost 4 years now.

✓ I have worked as a service associate at RCBC for almost four years now.

The sentence describes an action that began in the past and continues to the present, so the present perfect tense is required (have worked) rather than simple present (work). Also spell out numbers under ten in formal speech: 'four'. Suggestion: Use 'have/has + past participle' for actions continuing to the present.

× I usually open account of the client who are interested to have an bank account.

✓ I usually open accounts for clients who are interested in having a bank account.

Multiple issues: 'open account' needs plural 'accounts' when referring generally; use 'for clients' for correct preposition; relative clause must agree: 'clients who are' not 'client who are'; use 'interested in' not 'interested to'; use gerund 'having' after 'interested in'; use 'a bank account' (not 'an bank account'). Suggestion: Pay attention to pluralization, correct prepositions ('for', 'in') and article choice before consonant sounds ('a').

× I'm almost four years now on that branch.

✓ I have been at that branch for almost four years now.

Expressing duration requires present perfect ('have been') and the correct preposition for location is 'at' (or 'in') rather than 'on'. The time expression order is 'for almost four years'. Suggestion: Use 'have been + location' and 'for + duration' for ongoing situations.

× I handle account opening and basic over the counter transactions.

✓ I handle account openings and basic over-the-counter transactions.

When referring to general activities, pluralize 'account openings' and hyphenate 'over-the-counter' as a compound adjective. Keeping simple present 'handle' is fine for habitual actions. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for repeated activities and hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns.

× I think it is a good place to work because it is close to public transport transportation and I have flexible hours to go to the office.

✓ I think it is a good place to work because it is close to public transportation and I have flexible hours for commuting to the office.

Avoid redundancy: 'public transport transportation' repeats meaning; use 'public transportation'. Use 'flexible hours for commuting' or 'flexible hours that make it easy to get to the office'. Suggestion: Choose one term ('transport' or 'transportation') and use suitable preposition 'for' or phrase 'to commute'.

× Yes I do. I love the place because it is closer to my home and I have free time. Free time to do my other errands.

✓ Yes, I do. I love the place because it is close to my home and I have free time to run my other errands.

Add comma after introductory 'Yes'; 'closer' should be 'close' when stating location relative to home unless comparing; combine fragment 'Free time to do my other errands' into the previous sentence and use 'run my errands' or 'do my other errands'. Suggestion: Avoid sentence fragments by combining ideas and use correct adjective form ('close') for simple descriptions.

× Well, even though I like my workplace now, I like to explore other opportunities.

✓ Well, even though I like my workplace now, I would like to explore other opportunities.

To express desire for a future action or polite intent, use the modal 'would like' rather than plain 'like'. 'Like to explore' can sound habitual rather than a future intention. Suggestion: Use 'would like' for polite statements of preference or future plans.

× Well, I can execute my expertise as an NBA graduate.

✓ Well, I can apply my expertise as an MBA graduate.

Likely 'MBA' (Master of Business Administration) is intended rather than 'NBA' (National Basketball Association). 'Apply my expertise' is more natural than 'execute my expertise'. Suggestion: Verify the correct acronym and use 'apply' or 'use' with 'expertise' for natural phrasing.