Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetition, and correct grammar (e.g., 'master student' → 'a master's student'; 'responsible for look after those' → 'responsible for looking after dogs'). Keep answer within 2–3 sentences and add a brief specific detail about the job.

例: I'm currently a master's student in Tourism and Hospitality Management at the University of Queensland, and I also work part-time as a dog sitter. I usually look after small to medium dogs, taking them for walks and feeding them while their owners are away.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and correct vocabulary and grammar. Replace vague phrases and errors ('walk lame' → 'walk them'). Use linking words to organize details (e.g., 'usually,' 'sometimes'). Be specific about tasks and settings.

例: I usually work at the dog owners' homes. Typically, I walk the dogs, feed them, and keep them company — sometimes we relax and watch TV together if they are calm indoors.

提案: Answer clearly and with fewer fillers. Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give two specific reasons linked coherently. Use past/present consistently ('it is' instead of mixing tenses).

例: Yes, it's a great place to work because being in a quiet home with dogs helps me relax, and I enjoy the friendly atmosphere. Also, looking after dogs gives me flexible hours, which suits my studies.

提案: Clarify unclear words ('indoor pili' is unclear). Begin with a direct answer, then provide clear, specific reasons and link them (e.g., 'because'/'so'). Avoid long, run-on sentences and check word choice ('garden' plural).

例: Definitely. I work in a peaceful residential area with lots of trees and gardens, so walks with the dogs are pleasant and I can do a short jog while exercising them.

提案: Provide a concise, well-structured plan: state your career goal, give reasons or steps, and avoid irrelevant or unclear details (e.g., 'after graduate 18' is unclear). Use correct grammar ('a master's student in Tourism and Hospitality Management'; 'after I graduate I'll be eligible for a two-year visa').

例: I'm studying Tourism and Hospitality Management and hope to work as a tour guide or travel planner after graduating because I enjoy organising trips and interacting with people. After I graduate, I plan to apply for the two-year post-study work visa in Australia to gain industry experience.

× Uh, currently, uh, I'm a master student majoring in tourism and hospitality management at the University of Queensland.

✓ I'm currently a master's student majoring in Tourism and Hospitality Management at the University of Queensland.

Use present continuous for current status is fine but 'master student' is incorrect noun form; use 'master's student'. Capitalize proper noun of the degree. Move 'currently' after subject for natural word order.

× And also I have a part time job as a dog sitter.

✓ I also have a part-time job as a dog sitter.

Hyphenate 'part-time' when used as an adjective. 'And' at sentence start is unnecessary; remove for conciseness.

× Uh, I, I'm responsible for look after those.

✓ I'm responsible for looking after them.

'Responsible for' must be followed by a gerund (-ing). Use 'them' as the pronoun referring to the dogs, not 'those' in this context.

× Yeah, that's pretty much of me.

✓ Yeah, that's pretty much me.

'Pretty much of me' is ungrammatical; use 'pretty much me' or better 'that's pretty much it'.

× Umm, just I previously mentioned as I'm a dog sitter, I usually work at their home because uh, their dogs need uh, a company from dog sitter.

✓ As I mentioned, I'm a dog sitter. I usually work at the owners' homes because their dogs need company from a dog sitter.

Reorder for clarity. Use 'owners' homes' (possessive plural) and 'company' without article 'a' is acceptable but 'company from a dog sitter' requires 'a'. Also avoid 'their' without clear antecedent; here it refers to owners so rephrase.

× So I usually walk lame and feed them and also we watch TV together.

✓ So I usually walk them and feed them, and we sometimes watch TV together.

'Walk lame' is incorrect; likely intended 'walk them'. Add 'sometimes' to make 'watch TV together' natural. Use commas to join clauses.

× Well, I would definitely say yes because umm, umm, working at owners home with dogs can make you relax and, uh, I really like the atmosphere when I have this time to uh, look after someone's dog.

✓ Well, I would definitely say yes because working at owners' homes with dogs can help you relax, and I really like the atmosphere when I have time to look after someone's dog.

Use 'owners' homes' possessive plural. 'Can make you relax' is non-idiomatic; use 'help you relax'. Remove filler words and adjust word order: 'have this time to' -> 'have time to'.

× So overall it was, it is very enjoyable for me.

✓ So overall it is very enjoyable for me.

Mixing past and present 'was, it is' is inconsistent. Keep present tense 'it is' to match ongoing experience.

× Absolutely, because uh, currently I work in uh indoor pili and the place is peaceful with a lot of trees and the gardens, so when I walk the dogs it is a suitable place for me to do a small jogging as well.

✓ Absolutely. Currently I work in an indoor villa, and the place is peaceful with many trees and gardens, so when I walk the dogs it is a suitable place for me to do a short jog as well.

'Indoor pili' seems to be a mispronunciation; assume 'indoor villa'. Use article 'an' before vowel sound. 'A lot of trees and the gardens' -> 'many trees and gardens'. 'A small jogging' incorrect; use 'a short jog'.

× Just I previously mentioned I'm a masters student of tourism and the hospitality management.

✓ As I mentioned, I'm a master's student in Tourism and Hospitality Management.

Use 'As I mentioned' for better flow. 'Masters student' -> 'master's student'. Use 'in' rather than 'of' for fields of study and capitalize the program name.

× So I would like to apply for something related to tour guide or travel planner in the future.

✓ I would like to apply for a position related to tour guiding or travel planning in the future.

Use 'a position' for job applications and gerunds 'tour guiding'/'travel planning' or 'tour guide'/'travel planner' with 'a' before the job title. 'Something related to' is vague; be specific.

× And and also after graduate 18 we can get two years visa in Australia.

✓ Also, after graduation we can get a two-year visa in Australia.

'After graduate 18' is unclear; use 'after graduation'. 'Two years visa' should be 'a two-year visa' (hyphenate compound adjective and use singular 'visa'). Remove duplicated 'and' and correct word order.