Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence stating your current status, then give one or two specific details (course, previous job, purpose). Reduce filler words and correct tense/use of articles. Use linking words like “previously” or “now” to show timeline.

例: I am going to be a student. I will study for a master’s degree in Interaction Design. Previously, I worked as a software engineer, and now I am preparing for my graduate studies to move into design.

提案: Answer the question directly with a clear statement of workplace and role, then add one or two specific duties using correct grammar. Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences. Use a linking word like “there” or “where” to connect role and responsibilities.

例: Last year I worked at a software engineering company as a software engineer. There I wrote code and solved programming problems, and I often collaborated with the team to debug and improve features.

提案: Give a clear opinion (yes/no) and support it with specific reasons. Use linking words like “because” or “however.” Mention one or two concrete aspects (communication, atmosphere) and avoid vague or invented words.

例: Not really. I didn't find it a good place to work because the atmosphere was unfriendly and communication between teams was poor. As a result, collaboration and morale suffered.

提案: Answer directly (yes/no/partly) and explain why with specific vocabulary: ‘workplace atmosphere’, ‘communication’, ‘respect’. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use linking words like “because” or “so”.

例: Yes, I would like to work somewhere with a positive workplace atmosphere because it promotes happiness and better communication. When colleagues respect each other, teamwork improves and people feel more motivated.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence outlining your career goal, then give specific reasons and one concrete plan (study, skills to learn, type of company). Use linking words such as “because”, “so”, or “therefore” and avoid fillers.

例: In the future I want to become a user experience (UX) designer because I studied interaction design and I am passionate about understanding how people interact with technology. To achieve this, I plan to complete a master's degree and do internships where I can practice user research and prototyping.

× Umm, actually I will become a student and I will majored in interaction design and next, uh, last year I, I was a worker, but now I prepare my study, master study and uh, umm, wish I can become a.

✓ Umm, actually I will become a student and I will major in interaction design. Last year I was a worker, but now I am preparing for my master's studies and I hope I can become one.

The student mixed future, past and incorrect verb forms. 'Will majored' is wrong because after 'will' the base verb is required; use 'will major' or better 'will major in'. 'Prepare my study, master study' should be 'am preparing for my master's studies' using present continuous for planned near-future activity and correct noun form. 'Wish I can become a' is awkward; use 'I hope I can become one' or specify the role. Suggestion: separate ideas into clear sentences, use 'will' + base verb for future and present continuous for planned preparations. Grammar problem type ID:7

× Last year I looked at a software engineer technology company and and I I was a software engineer.

✓ Last year I worked at a software engineering company and I was a software engineer.

'Looked at' is incorrect for employment; the correct verb is 'worked at'. 'Software engineer technology company' is awkward; use 'software engineering company'. Use past tense 'worked' and 'was' to describe last year's employment. Suggestion: use 'worked at' for past employment and choose the correct noun phrase 'software engineering company'. Grammar problem type ID:5

× I needed needed to code in and solving coding problems. Even I need.

✓ I needed to write code and solve coding problems. I even had to do other tasks.

The sentence repeats 'needed' and mixes infinitive and gerund incorrectly. Use parallel structure: 'needed to write code and solve coding problems'. 'Even I need' is incomplete and unclear; clarify as 'I even had to do other tasks' or specify the tasks. Suggestion: use parallel verb forms and complete clauses. Grammar problem type ID:26

× I'm actually not, uh, I'm not really like the atopiclair in my workplace, umm.

✓ I'm actually not really comfortable with the atmosphere in my workplace.

The original contains a non-word 'atopiclair' and incorrect phrasing 'not really like the ... in my workplace'. Use 'comfortable with the atmosphere' or 'not satisfied with the workplace atmosphere'. Suggestion: use clear vocabulary ('atmosphere', 'environment') and correct adjective use to describe feelings. Grammar problem type ID:13

× In addition, I think my both umm lacks of communication with us and uh, umm, usually.

✓ In addition, I think there is a lack of communication between us and the management.

'My both lacks of communication with us' is ungrammatical and incorrectly uses pronouns and plurality. Use 'there is a lack of communication' and specify the parties 'between us and the management' (or 'between colleagues'). Suggestion: use 'there is' for existence and 'a lack of communication between A and B'. Grammar problem type ID:12

× MMM Actually, I hope I can because I think the, uh, the as atop fear in workplace is very important and it can bring a sense of happiness and, uh, we can and staff can communicate and respect each other. It is very important to.

✓ Actually, I hope so because I think the atmosphere in the workplace is very important; it can bring a sense of happiness, and staff can communicate with and respect each other. It is very important.

The phrase 'I hope I can' is vague; 'I hope so' fits the context. 'As atop fear' seems to attempt 'atmosphere' which is the correct noun. 'We can and staff can communicate' is redundant; use 'staff can communicate with and respect each other'. Suggestion: use correct modal expressions ('I hope so') and correct noun 'atmosphere', simplify redundant clauses. Grammar problem type ID:4

× Uh, in the future, I hope I can become a user experience designer because, uh, I majored in interaction design and, uh, it is my interested and, uh, I hope I can understand people and, uh, machine more and.

✓ In the future, I hope to become a user experience designer because I majored in interaction design and it is my interest. I hope I can better understand people and machines.

Use 'hope to become' rather than 'hope I can become' for a more natural future intention. 'I majored' is past simple and fine; 'it is my interested' should be 'it is my interest'. 'Understand people and machine more' needs plural 'machines' and clearer phrasing 'better understand'. Suggestion: use 'hope to' + base verb for future goals and correct noun/adjective forms ('interest' not 'interested'), and ensure parallel nouns ('people and machines'). Grammar problem type ID:6