Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I’m a recent secondary school graduate”) and avoid adding unnecessary words like “and yes.” If you want to clarify your status, add one brief supporting detail (for example, whether you are taking a gap year or preparing for university). Use linking words only if adding details.

例: I’m a recent secondary school graduate. At the moment I’m preparing for university entrance exams, so I’m not working full-time.

提案: Answer the question directly and use correct grammar. Say you don’t work at the moment, and optionally add a short reason or what you are doing instead. Use a linking word if you add extra information (e.g., “because” or “so”).

例: I don’t work at the moment because I’m focusing on my university applications. However, I plan to look for a part-time job next year.

提案: This answer is too short and unclear since you previously said you don’t work. Clarify the subject before judging the place. If you mean your school or a workplace, state that and give one or two specific reasons using linking words (for example, “because” or “although”).

例: If you mean my school, I wouldn’t describe it as a workplace. It has good facilities but limited career support, so it wouldn’t be ideal as a workplace.

提案: This is a good attempt: clear opinion and reasons. Improve grammar and conciseness. Use a correct verb form (“it gives” not “it's gives”) and avoid repetition. Keep it to two or three sentences and add a linking word like “because” or “and” for coherence.

例: Yes, I really like my school because it gives me many opportunities. For example, I can study and take part in extracurricular activities like debating and volunteering.

提案: Good content and clear goal. Improve grammar and clarity: use the correct phrase “study law” or “take a law degree,” and express the motivation succinctly. Use linking words such as “so” or “in order to” to connect your aim and reason. Keep within 2–3 sentences.

例: I plan to study law at university and train to become a solicitor. I want to help people in need and contribute to society by providing legal advice and support.

× I'm currently a graduate from secondary school and yes.

✓ I'm currently a recent graduate from secondary school.

The original sentence is awkward and contains unnecessary 'and yes.' Use 'a recent graduate' or 'recently graduated' to express the idea. Suggestion: say 'I'm currently a recent graduate from secondary school' or 'I recently graduated from secondary school.' This fixes sentence structure and clarity.

× I do not have a work.

✓ I do not have work.

'Work' as an uncountable noun does not take the article 'a.' Using 'a work' is incorrect unless referring to a countable 'a work' meaning a piece of art or task. Better: 'I do not have work' or 'I do not have a job.' Suggestion: Use 'job' with 'a' for countable meaning: 'I do not have a job.'

× I love my school a lot because it's gives me a lot of opportunities to do the things I want.

✓ I love my school a lot because it gives me many opportunities to do the things I want.

'It's gives' is incorrect: 'it's' is contraction for 'it is' or 'it has,' so combining with 'gives' is ungrammatical. Use the simple present 'it gives.' Also use 'many' instead of 'a lot of' for variety or keep 'a lot of' if preferred. Suggestion: say 'it gives me many opportunities' or 'it gives me a lot of opportunities.'

× I'm not only studying but also other extracurricular activities.

✓ I'm not only studying but also taking part in other extracurricular activities.

The original sentence lacks parallel structure: 'not only studying but also other extracurricular activities' mixes a verb phrase with a noun phrase. Make both parts parallel by using verbs: 'not only studying but also taking part in extracurricular activities' or 'I study and also participate in extracurricular activities.'

× I'm planning to take the law degree in university and I hope to become a solicitor in the future which I can help for the society and help people who are in need.

✓ I'm planning to study law at university, and I hope to become a solicitor in the future so I can help society and people in need.

Multiple issues: 'take the law degree' is non-idiomatic — use 'study law' or 'take a law degree.' 'At university' is the usual preposition. The relative clause 'which I can help for the society' is incorrect: use 'so I can help society' or 'and help people in need.' Remove unnecessary 'for' after 'help.' Also split into two clauses for clarity. Suggestion: 'I'm planning to study law at university, and I hope to become a solicitor so I can help society and people in need.'