Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a direct topic sentence ("I work"), avoid repetition and small errors (use "an IT"), and combine details smoothly. Keep within 3–4 short sentences and include one specific role or responsibility to enrich the answer.

例: I work for an IT service company called Rockton. It's headquartered in Tokyo, and I've been there for about 16 years. I currently work in the President's Office, handling financial reporting and coordination between departments.

提案: Open with a clear topic sentence naming the company and location, then add specific and concise supporting details (when you started and your department). Correct small grammatical points ("the President's Office"). Use linking words like "I joined in..." to make it coherent.

例: I work for an IT service company called Rockton, whose headquarters are in Tokyo. I joined the company in 2010 as a new graduate, so I've worked there for about 16 years. At present I work in the President's Office, where I support executive-level administration.

提案: Be direct and avoid filler phrases like "that's an interesting question" and "well." Start with a clear opinion ("Yes, it is") then give two concise, specific reasons using linking words ("Firstly... Secondly..."). Finish your sentence—do not leave thoughts incomplete.

例: Yes, I think it's a good place to work. Firstly, colleagues are friendly and supportive, which makes teamwork easy. Secondly, the company offers good benefits, such as a free cafeteria and regular training courses.

提案: Answer directly with a simple statement of preference ("Yes, I like it") then give one or two specific reasons and a brief example. Avoid repeating phrases and use linking words like "because" or "which" to connect ideas naturally.

例: Yes, I like my workplace. Because colleagues are friendly and cooperative, it's easy to collaborate on projects, and we often complete tasks more quickly as a team.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence about your plans (even if uncertain) and then provide concrete possible options or short-term goals. Avoid trailing off—complete your thought. Use linking words like "however" or "in the short term" to structure uncertainty vs plans.

例: I don't have a fixed five-year plan yet, but in the short term I aim to advance within finance. For example, I hope to become a senior finance analyst or take on a managerial role in the President's Office by gaining budgeting and leadership experience.

× I work and I'm working for a IT service company called Rockton.

✓ I work and I'm working for an IT service company called Rockton.

The sentence uses the incorrect article 'a' before a vowel-initialism 'IT'. Use 'an' before initialisms that begin with a vowel sound ('I' pronounced 'eye'), so it should be 'an IT service company'. Also, saying both 'I work' and 'I'm working' is redundant; choose one depending on habitual vs current continuous meaning. For clarity, prefer: 'I work for an IT service company called Rockton.'

× The headquarters is located in Tokyo and I've been working there for about 16 years.

✓ The headquarters are located in Tokyo and I've been working there for about 16 years.

'Headquarters' is a plural noun form and requires a plural verb: 'are' not 'is'. Use plural agreement: 'The headquarters are located in Tokyo.'

× I work for an IT service company called Rockton. Its headquarters are located in Tokyo and I've been working there for about 16 years, since I was hired as a new graduate in 2010. I work for a department called President Office.

✓ I work for an IT service company called Rockton. Its headquarters are located in Tokyo and I've been working there for about 16 years, since I was hired as a new graduate in 2010. I work for a department called the President's Office.

'President Office' needs the definite article and possessive form to be idiomatic: 'the President's Office' or 'the President Office' is not standard. Use 'the President's Office' to indicate the office belonging to the president of the company.

× That's an interesting question. I suppose my company is a good place to work. This is because, well, first of all, people are nice. That's a very good factor. And another thing is the cafeteria is free and you can.

✓ That's an interesting question. I suppose my company is a good place to work because, first of all, people are nice. That's an important factor. Another thing is that the cafeteria is free.

The original has sentence fragments and an unfinished clause ('and you can.'). Combine related ideas and remove filler words for clarity. Use 'important factor' rather than 'very good factor'. Include 'that' after 'is' for the cafeteria clause: 'Another thing is that the cafeteria is free.'

× I suppose I can say that I like the place where I work currently.

✓ I suppose I can say that I like the place where I currently work.

Adverb placement: place the adverb 'currently' before the verb phrase 'work' for natural English word order. 'Where I currently work' sounds more fluent than 'where I work currently.'

× This is because, first of all, as I mentioned before, the people are nice, so it's fairly easy to collaborate with other coworkers.

✓ This is because, as I mentioned before, the people are nice, so it's fairly easy to collaborate with my coworkers.

'Other coworkers' is redundant when referring to people within the same company; use 'my coworkers' or simply 'coworkers'. Also remove 'first of all' when no subsequent points follow; but main grammatical fix is pronoun use.

× That's an interesting question because I don't have a clear vision about how I will be working in like 5 years or so.

✓ That's an interesting question because I don't have a clear vision of how I will be working in about five years.

Use 'vision of' rather than 'vision about'. Avoid colloquial filler 'like' and use 'about' for approximate time. Spell out numbers in speech transcription optional but 'five' is clearer. The corrected version fits future-tense planning.

× But one thing I can say that I'm in finance, so I will be working as a.

✓ But one thing I can say is that I'm in finance, so I will be working in a financial role.

The original is incomplete and misuses 'say that'. Use 'say is that' to introduce a clause. 'Working as a' is unfinished; supply a complete noun phrase such as 'in a financial role' or specify a job title. This completes the sentence and maintains natural structure.