Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は基本的に意味が通じますが、文法ミス（冠詞・前置詞・名詞の単複等）と不自然な表現が目立ちます。具体的には “work on the bill grant” は不明瞭で、組織名の前に前置詞や冠詞が必要な場合があります。また、情報を整理して冒頭で職業を明確に述べ、続けて理由や具体例を短く付けると自然です。語彙は適切ですが、より正確な語彙（e.g., “manage grants” “distribute subsidies to local governments”）を使い、文の結びを一つにまとめて冗長さを避けましょう。

例: I work for the Regional Revitalization Bureau in the government, where I manage grant programs. Specifically, I distribute subsidies to local governments to support community projects, which I find very rewarding.

提案: 回答がわかりにくく、文法と語順の誤りや言いたいことの論理展開が不十分です。“center of Tokyo office” は不自然で、余分なつなぎ言葉（uh）や断片的な文が多いです。質問は勤務地を尋ねているので、まず場所をはっきり述べ、その後に補足が必要なら理由や背景を短く説明してください。接続詞を使い論理をつなげ、文を完成させることを意識しましょう。

例: I work in an office in central Tokyo. However, I am currently in a transition period because there are plans to relocate some functions to rural areas, which aims to support regional communities.

提案: 肯定の応答は簡潔ですが、いくつか文法と語彙の誤りがあります。例えば “convenient for my community” はここでは不自然で、“convenient for me” が正しい可能性があります。“It took just 20 minutes” は現在の通勤時間を述べるなら現在形にするべきです。“some parents which help me relax” は意味が不明瞭で、語句選択と文の完結が必要です。情報を3文以内にまとめ、明確な理由（通勤時間、眺め、職場環境）を述べると良いです。

例: Yes, it's a great place to work. It's very convenient for me because it only takes about 20 minutes to commute from my home. I also enjoy the view of the city skyline from my office, which helps me relax during breaks.

提案: 意味は伝わりますが、多くの誤り（発音に由来するスペルミス “price”→“place”、語順、文法）があり、冗長でまとまりがありません。まず質問には短く肯定し、その後で3点以内の理由を接続詞で整理して述べてください。例：立地の良さ、通勤時間、眺めや休憩時のリラックス効果。正しい語彙選択と短い文で明瞭に表現しましょう。

例: Yes, I like the place where I work. Not only is it close to the city centre, but my commute is short, and I can enjoy a beautiful view from the office which helps me relax.

提案: 意図は理解できますが、専門分野の表現が不自然で、文法的なミス（冠詞や語順、助動詞の欠落）が目立ちます。目標を明確に述べ、どうしてそれを目指すのか、具体的に誰をどのように助けたいかを短く付け加えると説得力が増します。専門分野の英語表現を正確にし、感情表現は簡潔にまとめましょう。

例: In the future, I would like to specialise in tax and budget policy. By gaining expertise in this area, I hope to design fairer funding programs that support local communities and improve people's lives.

× I work on the bill grant.

✓ I work on grant bills.

'Work on' is okay but 'the bill grant' is unnatural. Use 'grant bills' or 'grant programs' and place 'on' appropriately; this clarifies the object of work. Improve by using collocations: 'work on grant bills' or 'work on grants.'

× I work for Regional Revitalization Bureau and the government.

✓ I work for the Regional Revitalization Bureau and the government.

English requires the definite article 'the' before named governmental organizations in this context. Add 'the' to show a specific bureau. Suggestion: 'work for the Regional Revitalization Bureau.'

× It allows me to support local communities and I really enjoy it.

✓ It allows me to support local communities, and I really enjoy it.

Grammatically the sentence is fine but needs a comma before 'and' joining two independent clauses. Improves clarity by correctly punctuating compound sentences.

× I work in the center of Tokyo office.

✓ I work in the central Tokyo office.

Use 'central Tokyo' as the adjective phrase; 'center of Tokyo office' is unidiomatic. 'In the central Tokyo office' is natural. Also include 'the' before institution locations.

× I think, uh, here is my transition period.

✓ I think, uh, this is my transition period.

Use the demonstrative 'this' to refer to the current situation; 'here is my transition period' is awkward. 'This is my transition period' correctly identifies the period.

× So I think moving the local.

✓ So I think moving functions to local areas would help.

The original is fragmentary. Clarify the intended meaning by adding the object: 'moving functions to local areas.' The verb 'moving' requires what is being moved to be stated.

× Functions to rural areas would help us be support local.

✓ Moving functions to rural areas would help us support local communities.

'Help us be support local' is ungrammatical. Use the bare infinitive after 'help' ('help us support') and add the object 'local communities.' Also reorder to make subject clear.

× It took just 20 minutes from my house to the office.

✓ It takes just 20 minutes from my house to the office.

Describing a habitual present situation requires present tense 'takes' rather than past 'took.' Use present simple for routines or current facts.

× I also can see the city skyline and some parents which help me relax when I.

✓ I can also see the city skyline and some parks, which help me relax when I work.

'Parents' is likely a mispronounced word for 'parks.' 'Which' should refer to 'parks' and add the verb 'work' to complete 'when I work.' Also move 'also' to natural position: 'I can also see.'

× Yes, I like this price.

✓ Yes, I like this place.

'Price' is incorrect in context; the student likely meant 'place.' Use 'this place.' If referring to cost, use 'price,' but context asks about workplace place.

× Not only is close to the city centre and during this time required to commute and I can see beautiful landscape from office and I can relax.

✓ Not only is it close to the city centre, but the commute is short, and I can see beautiful landscapes from the office, so I can relax.

Original lacks 'it' and connecting structures. Use 'Not only... but...' for contrast, add 'it' as subject, correct noun forms ('landscapes', 'the office'), and reorder for clarity. Also 'during this time required to commute' is unclear; 'the commute is short' conveys intended meaning.

× In the future, I want to become a specialist in the tax head budget policy.

✓ In the future, I want to become a specialist in tax and budget policy.

'Tax head budget policy' is ungrammatical and unclear. Use the collocation 'tax and budget policy' or 'tax budgeting policy.' Keep 'want to' for future intention.

× It could help others.

✓ That could help others.

Replace 'It' with 'That' to refer back to the previous clause (becoming a specialist). Also ensure modal 'could' is acceptable for possibility. Slight pronoun clarification improves cohesion.

× Uh, it would good for me to support others and I want to see someone to be happy.

✓ Uh, it would be good for me to support others, and I want to see people be happy.

Missing 'be' after 'would' ('would be good'). Also 'someone to be happy' is awkward; use 'people be happy' or 'someone happy.' Use parallel structure and include comma before 'and.'