Opportunities— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repeating phrases (e.g. “when I was a child”) and correct small grammar issues (“had opportunity” → “had the opportunity”, “I had learned” → “I learned”). Also limit to about 3–4 sentences to sound natural and fluent.

Ejemplo: I had the opportunity to learn judo when I was about eight or nine. I trained for more than two years, which helped me develop discipline and basic self-defence skills. Because of that experience I also became interested in mixed martial arts and physical fitness.

Sugerencia: Organise your opinion with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because / moreover). Avoid repetition and awkward phrasing (e.g. “I have I by myself have”); use correct articles and agreement (e.g. “children must try” → “children should try”). Use precise vocabulary instead of vague lists.

Ejemplo: Yes, I think people should try a range of activities. Trying different things builds useful skills and helps you discover interests; for example, learning trading taught me financial planning, while martial arts improved my confidence and fitness. Therefore, exploring a variety of activities can open up more career and personal-development opportunities.

× I had opportunity to learn Judo and I had that as well.

✓ I had the opportunity to learn judo and I did.

Missing article 'the' before the singular countable noun 'opportunity'. Use 'the opportunity' or 'an opportunity'. Also replace 'had that as well' with 'did' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: Use 'the opportunity' for a specific chance and prefer concise verbs like 'did.'

× When I was a child I mean when I was eight or nine years old I had learned Judo for more than two years and it was a very great experience for me to learn new skills, especially doing mixed martial arts.

✓ When I was a child, I mean when I was eight or nine years old, I learned judo for more than two years and it was a great experience for me to learn new skills, especially mixed martial arts.

Incorrect use of past perfect 'had learned' is unnecessary because the sequence of past events is clear; simple past 'learned' is appropriate. 'Doing mixed martial arts' is wordy; use 'especially mixed martial arts.' Also 'very great' is redundant; 'great' suffices. Suggestion: Use simple past for completed past actions and avoid redundant modifiers.

× it was a very great experience for me to learn new skills, especially doing mixed martial arts.

✓ It was a great experience for me to learn new skills, especially mixed martial arts.

'Very great' is unnatural; 'great' or 'very good' would be fine. 'Doing mixed martial arts' functions awkwardly; use noun phrase 'mixed martial arts.' Suggestion: Choose one intensifier and prefer concise noun phrases.

× which gives a person a various path to pursue career in his life, especially a children must try various different ways.

✓ which gives a person various paths to pursue a career in life; especially children must try different things.

'A various path' is incorrect: 'various' modifies a plural noun so use 'various paths.' 'Pursue career' needs an article: 'pursue a career.' 'a children' is incorrect: 'children' is plural without an article. 'Various different' is redundant; use 'different' or 'various.' Suggestion: Ensure modifiers match noun number, include necessary articles, and avoid redundant words.

× which gives a person a various path to pursue career in his life, especially a children must try various different ways.

✓ which gives a person various paths to pursue a career in life; especially children must try different things.

Use of 'his' assumes gender; choose gender-neutral constructions or use 'their' when referring back to 'a person.' Also 'a children' is ungrammatical. Suggestion: Use 'a person ... their life' or restructure to avoid gendered pronouns.

× People should try many things as much as they can.

✓ People should try as many things as they can.

Incorrect word order: 'as much as they can' modifies uncountable nouns; for countable 'things' use 'as many things as they can.' Suggestion: Match 'much'/'many' to uncountable/countable nouns and keep idiomatic order 'try as many things as they can.'

× I have I by myself have learned various skills such as investment management, trading, mixed martial arts, travelling, tracking, various things, which gives a person a various path to pursue career in his life, especially a children must try various different ways.

✓ I myself have learned various skills such as investment management, trading, mixed martial arts, travelling, and trekking, which give a person various paths to pursue a career in life; especially children should try different things.

Redundant 'I have I by myself have' is ungrammatical; use 'I myself have.' 'Tracking' likely meant 'trekking.' Verb agreement: 'which give' must agree with plural 'skills.' Also adjust articles and plurality as above and change 'must' to 'should' for advice tone. Suggestion: Remove redundancies, correct word choice ('trekking'), ensure subject-verb agreement, and use consistent modal verbs for recommendations.