Opportunities— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: 문장이 문법적으로 부정확하고 의미 전달이 불분명합니다. 먼저 주제문을 명확히 하고, 과거 경험을 설명하는데 필요한 시제와 어법을 사용하세요. 예를 들어 'I was afraid of adventures as a child'처럼 간단하고 정확한 문장으로 시작한 뒤, 왜 그랬는지와 구체적인 사례(어떤 활동을 했거나 피했는지)를 한두 문장으로 덧붙이세요. 연결어(for example, because, so)로 문장들을 자연스럽게 이어 주세요. 또한 문장은 3~4문장 이내로 유지해 간결하게 말하세요.

Ejemplo: I was quite afraid of adventurous activities when I was a child. For example, I avoided school trips and climbing activities because I felt nervous about heights. As a result, I usually stayed close to friends rather than joining risky games. Over time, I slowly became more comfortable by watching others first.

Sugerencia: 의견 제시 문장은 명확하지만 이유와 구체적 예시가 부족해 문장이 중간에 끊겼습니다. 주제문으로 의견을 분명히 제시한 뒤, 두세 이유를 논리적으로 연결하세요(예: skills, career choices, personal growth). 각 이유를 하나의 구체적 예시나 결과로 뒷받침하면 설득력이 높아집니다. 연결어(such as, because, therefore, for instance)를 사용해 문장 흐름을 개선하세요. 문장 수는 2~4문장으로 유지하십시오.

Ejemplo: Yes, I think people should try a variety of activities because it helps them discover their interests and develop new skills. For instance, trying volunteering or a short course can reveal a passion that influences career choices. Therefore, experimenting with different things can be valuable for future opportunities and personal growth.

× When I was a child, I really afraid of adventure.

✓ When I was a child, I was really afraid of adventure.

The sentence lacks the past tense form of the verb 'to be'. Because the time frame is 'When I was a child' you must use past tense: 'was'. Use 'was really afraid' to express a past state. Suggestion: Use the correct past tense verb: 'was' for first person singular in past simple.

× So one of my adventures is showing me to another person like classmate.

✓ So one of my adventures was being introduced to another person, such as a classmate.

The original sentence has incorrect structure and verb forms. 'Is showing me to another person' is awkward and mixes present tense with a past context. Use past tense 'was' and the passive/gerund form 'being introduced' to convey that someone introduced the speaker to another person. Also replace 'like classmate' with 'such as a classmate' for clarity. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent with the past context and use natural verbs (introduce/being introduced).

× This is my

✓ This is my experience.

The fragment 'This is my' is incomplete and lacks a noun to complete the idea. Complete the sentence by adding a noun that fits the context, for example 'experience' or 'story'. Suggestion: Avoid sentence fragments; include the main noun or clause to complete the thought.

× I think yes, definitely because many people want to try many different things for their future and their dreams as well so I think many people get

✓ I think so, definitely, because many people want to try different things for their future and their dreams, so I think many people try them.

The original has several issues: 'I think yes' is unnatural; use 'I think so'. Repetition of 'many' is redundant; 'try different things' is sufficient. The sentence trails off with 'so I think many people get' which is incomplete; complete it with 'try them' or a suitable verb. Keep present simple tense because the question asks about general habits. Suggestion: Use concise phrasing for general statements in present simple and complete the sentence with a clear verb phrase ('try them' or 'gain experience').