Parks— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: Cải thiện tính mạch lạc và ngữ pháp: tránh dùng thì sai (ví dụ “when I work” không phù hợp), loại bỏ tiếng lấp đầy như “uh”, tổ chức câu rõ ràng với một câu chủ đề và một hoặc hai chi tiết hỗ trợ cụ thể. Sử dụng thì quá khứ nhất quán khi nói về ký ức và làm rõ tần suất bằng cụm từ chuẩn (e.g. “every day” hoặc “often”).

Ejemplo: Yes, I did. When I was a child, my family often took me to the nearby park after work. We usually went every weekend, and I enjoyed playing on the swings and watching birds.

Sugerencia: Rút gọn và dùng cấu trúc rõ ràng: bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn gọn (Yes/No + brief comment), dùng thì hiện tại tiếp diễn hoặc hiện tại đơn phù hợp, tránh lặp từ và tiếng lấp đầy. Nêu lý do cụ thể và có thể thêm tần suất chính xác (e.g. “rarely” + how often).

Ejemplo: Not as much as before. Because of my hectic work schedule, I rarely visit parks nowadays — maybe once a month — although I would like to go more often for relaxation.

Sugerencia: Tránh lặp và sửa ngữ pháp: dùng cấu trúc mạch lạc với một câu chủ đề rõ ràng và 1–2 lý do hỗ trợ. Chú ý tới subject–verb agreement (“it really improves”), số nhiều/số ít (“parks”), và tránh tiếng lấp đầy. Cụ thể hoá cách công viên hữu ích (ví dụ hoạt động, tiện nghi).

Ejemplo: Yes, I would. Parks provide safe spaces for children to play and for adults to exercise, which improves both mental and physical health. Adding more well-equipped parks with walking paths and playgrounds would benefit the whole community.

Sugerencia: Cải thiện ngữ pháp và sự tự nhiên: loại bỏ lỗi thừa (“she, she”, “that, that”), dùng thì hiện tại hoặc tương lai phù hợp (e.g. “I'd like to visit” / “I want to go”), và diễn đạt tự nhiên hơn khi mô tả (ví dụ nêu tên hoặc tính năng cụ thể). Hạn chế câu dài lặp lại, trình bày một câu chủ đề rồi mô tả ngắn gọn.

Ejemplo: Yes, a friend told me about a nearby park that has beautiful gardens and many colorful flowers. I would like to visit it someday to enjoy the scenery and take photos.

× I think yes, uh, when I work, when I was a child I, my family used to take me to the nearby park every day whenever they are free from work.

✓ I think yes. When I was a child, my family used to take me to the nearby park every day whenever they were free from work.

The sentence mixes present tense 'work' and present plural 'are' with past context. Use past tense 'was' and 'were' consistently because the action happened in the past. Also remove the irrelevant 'when I work' fragment. Suggestion: keep time frames consistent and delete unnecessary clauses.

× I think it's been, there have been some differences between the past and right now because, uh, due to my hectic schedule, so I rarely go to the park this day.

✓ I think there have been some differences between the past and now because, due to my hectic schedule, I rarely go to the park these days.

The original mixes contraction 'it's been' with 'there have been' and uses 'this day' incorrectly. Use 'there have been' to state differences and 'these days' to describe current habitual actions. Remove redundant conjunctions like 'so' after 'because'.

× Absolutely, yes. I think this park is a kind of destination, uh, that's really useful for both children and adults to go for work or to exercise and it's really improve our mental and physical health. So, uh, building more park will be an option, good option.

✓ Absolutely. I think parks are destinations that are really useful for both children and adults to visit for relaxation or exercise, and they really improve our mental and physical health. So, building more parks would be a good option.

Multiple errors: singular/plural agreement ('this park' vs general idea -> 'parks'; 'building more park' -> 'building more parks'); verb agreement ('it's really improve' should be 'they really improve'); word choice ('go for work' -> 'visit for relaxation' or 'go to work' depending on meaning). Also use conditional 'would be' to express opinion. Suggestion: ensure noun-number agreement and match verbs to their subjects.

× Uh, as I heard from a friend recommendation, she, she said that in her near neighborhood, there's a park that, that was a park that really like have a beautiful view with many plants and flowers.

✓ As I heard from a friend's recommendation, she said that in her nearby neighborhood there's a park that has a beautiful view with many plants and flowers.

Problems: possessive missing ('friend recommendation' -> 'friend's recommendation'); adverb form ('near neighborhood' -> 'nearby neighborhood'); redundant phrasing ('there's a park that was a park that' -> simplify); incorrect verb form 'have' -> 'has' to match singular 'park'. Suggestion: use possessives, correct adverb forms, remove redundancy, and ensure verb agrees with subject.

× So I really wanted to go there once in life.

✓ So I really want to go there once in my life.

The original 'wanted' is past tense but the desire is current; use present tense 'want'. Also idiomatic expression is 'once in my life' rather than 'once in life'. Suggestion: match tense to current intention and use common idiomatic phrases.