Parks— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: Cần giảm tiếng ồn (um/uh), viết câu mở đầu trực tiếp và cung cấp chi tiết cụ thể hơn (ví dụ nơi bạn vẽ, loại tranh). Ngoài ra giữ độ dài dưới 5 câu và dùng liên từ nếu nêu thêm chi tiết.

Ejemplo: No, I didn't like going to parks as a child. I preferred drawing, so after school I usually stayed in the art room to sketch landscapes and cartoons. This hobby kept me busy and made me less interested in outdoor play.

Sugerencia: Sửa lỗi phát âm/nhầm từ (‘wide’, ‘get my hair down’, ‘rechange’) và tránh tiếng lấp đầy. Nên mở câu trực tiếp, dùng liên từ để nối lý do và ví dụ, và cung cấp chi tiết cụ thể về tần suất hoặc hoạt động bạn làm trong công viên.

Ejemplo: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax. For example, I often sit on a bench or swing to clear my mind and enjoy the fresh air, which recharges me after a busy day.

Sugerencia: Cần chỉnh ngữ pháp (subject-verb agreement) và sửa những phần thiếu từ hoặc sai cấu trúc (‘making urban more com’). Nên bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, sau đó nêu 2-3 lý do cụ thể với liên từ để mạch lạc.

Ejemplo: Yes, I would like more parks and trees in my city because trees provide shade and create a pleasant atmosphere. Moreover, they help cool the streets and improve air quality, making urban life more comfortable.

Sugerencia: Cần sửa phát âm/sai từ (‘seen spectacular since’), giảm tiếng ậm ừ và tổ chức câu rõ: chủ đề + lý do cụ thể (cảnh, động vật) + hoạt động bạn muốn làm. Tránh câu rời rạc; dùng liên từ để nối ý.

Ejemplo: I'd love to visit Buzama National Park because I've heard it has spectacular scenery and diverse wildlife. I'm especially looking forward to hiking its trails and taking photographs of the landscapes and animals.

× I didn't like going to the parks as a child.

✓ I didn't like going to parks as a child.

Use no article and no plural determiner when speaking about parks in general. 'The parks' refers to specific parks; here the meaning is general so use 'parks' without 'the'.

× When I was a child, I'd, uh, I'm a big fan of drawing, so I often, uh, spent all my time at school after school to, uh, draw pictures.

✓ When I was a child, I was a big fan of drawing, so I often spent all my time at school after classes drawing pictures.

Tense and structure: 'I'd, uh, I'm a big fan' mixes conditional/contracted and present tense incorrectly. Use past tense 'I was' to match 'When I was a child'. 'after school to, uh, draw pictures' is awkward; use 'after classes drawing pictures' or 'drawing pictures after school'.

× Yes, I still like going to the parks now because it helps me and wide and get my hair down.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now because they help me wind down and relax.

Article: 'the parks' should be 'parks' for general preference. Pronoun/agreement: 'it helps me' should be 'they help me' to match plural 'parks'. 'wide' is misspelling of 'wind' and 'get my hair down' is nonstandard for 'relax'; use 'wind down and relax'.

× Uh, for example, I often sit on the bench or on a swing to clear my mind, enjoy the fresh air and rechange my energy.

✓ For example, I often sit on a bench or on a swing to clear my mind, enjoy the fresh air, and recharge my energy.

Word choice and article: 'the bench' implies a specific bench; 'a bench' is general. 'rechange' is incorrect; use 'recharge'. Also add serial comma and maintain parallel verb forms 'clear', 'enjoy', 'recharge'.

× I would prefer to see more trees rather than replacing parks with more developments because trees provide shade and create pleasant atmosphere that help me relax.

✓ I would prefer to see more trees rather than have parks replaced by new developments because trees provide shade and create a pleasant atmosphere that helps me relax.

Structure and article: 'rather than replacing parks with more developments' is awkward; use 'rather than have parks replaced by new developments'. 'pleasant atmosphere' needs the article 'a'. Subject-verb agreement: 'atmosphere that help' should be 'atmosphere that helps' because 'that' refers to 'atmosphere' (singular).

× They also cool the streets and making urban more com.

✓ They also cool the streets and make urban areas more comfortable.

Parallel verb forms: 'cool the streets and making' should be 'cool the streets and make'. 'urban' must be a noun phrase 'urban areas'. 'com' is incomplete; likely 'comfortable'.

× I'd love to go to Buzama National Park in the future because I've heard that it has seen spectacular since and diverse wildlife.

✓ I'd love to go to Buzama National Park in the future because I've heard that it has seen spectacular scenery and diverse wildlife.

Word choice: 'seen spectacular since' is incorrect; likely 'spectacular scenery'. Present perfect 'I've heard that it has' is fine. Correct noun 'scenery' needed.

× I'm especially working. Looking forward to uh, enjoy it, thrilled and taking photographs.

✓ I'm especially looking forward to enjoying it, taking photographs, and feeling thrilled.

Fragment and verb form: 'I'm especially working.' is incorrect; use 'I'm especially looking forward to...'. After 'looking forward to' use the -ing form 'enjoying'. Maintain parallel structure: 'enjoying it, taking photographs, and feeling thrilled'.