Parks— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: Be more concise and avoid fillers (e.g., “umm”). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Replace vague phrasing with concrete information (e.g., how often you went, a memorable activity).

Ejemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my cousin lived next door so after kindergarten we would often visit the nearby park three or four times a week to play on the slides and swings.

Sugerencia: Provide a direct topic sentence and expand with a clear reason and a brief contrast using linking words (e.g., however, although). Avoid repeating phrases like “I would love to go.” Add a specific example of when you might go.

Ejemplo: Yes, I still like parks, but I rarely visit them now because of school and volleyball commitments. However, if I had free time on weekends I would go to a nearby park to jog or meet friends.

Sugerencia: Give a stronger opening statement and support it with specific benefits, using linking words (for example, therefore, so). Replace filler words like “like” and give one concrete example of how parks would improve city life.

Ejemplo: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because rapid development has replaced green spaces with buildings and malls. For example, more parks would provide areas to relax, improve air quality, and offer safe places for families to have picnics.

Sugerencia: Reduce hesitation words and organize your reply: topic sentence, two specific reasons with linking words, and a closing remark. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “wildlife” instead of repeating “swans and ducks”) and avoid repeating “really.”

Ejemplo: I would like to visit Hyde Park because it is very large and has extensive green spaces. For instance, I want to see the lake and its wildlife, such as swans and ducks, and also use the park to exercise and relax on weekends.

× So when we returned from the kindergarten we would always go to parks and just enjoy the slides.

✓ So when we returned from kindergarten we would always go to parks and just enjoy the slides.

The phrase 'the kindergarten' is unnecessary; 'kindergarten' is usually used without an article when speaking generally. This is an article usage/word choice issue; removing 'the' makes the sentence natural. Suggestion: say 'returned from kindergarten' for general childhood context.

× Yeah, I do, but because of school and volleyball I can't really go to the park.

✓ Yeah, I do, but because of school and volleyball I can't usually go to the park.

'Can't really' is informal and can be ambiguous. 'Can't usually' or 'don't usually' better matches the intended habitual meaning. This is a modal/phrase choice issue: use 'can't usually' to indicate frequency rather than ability. Suggestion: use clearer adverbs of frequency with modals.

× But if I had time I would love to go.

✓ But if I had time I would love to go.

This sentence is grammatically correct as a second conditional expressing a hypothetical desire in the present/future. No correction needed; included for completeness.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in the city because nowadays our city has become buildings and shopping malls and airports.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in the city because nowadays our city has become full of buildings, shopping malls, and airports.

The original 'has become buildings and shopping malls and airports' is a sentence structure/word choice problem: a city cannot 'become' those nouns directly without a preposition. Use 'full of' to indicate what the city is dominated by. Also add commas to separate items. Suggestion: say 'has become full of X, Y, and Z.'

× But if there were more parks, there would be more space to like breathe or have fun or just go to a little picnic.

✓ But if there were more parks, there would be more space to breathe, have fun, or just go on a small picnic.

Informal filler 'to like breathe' is incorrect; 'to breathe' is fine. Use parallel structure for the list: 'to breathe, have fun, or go on a small picnic.' Also 'go on a picnic' is the standard prepositional phrase; 'a little picnic' is informal — 'a small picnic' or simply 'a picnic' is better. Suggestion: remove filler words and keep parallel verb forms with correct prepositions.

× I really want to go to Hyde Park because of its size, uh, I saw that, how huge it was and I really admire the, uh, green spaces that it has.

✓ I really want to go to Hyde Park because of its size; I saw how huge it is and I really admire the green spaces it has.

Tense consistency and phrasing: use present tense 'is' when describing a place's current size after saying 'I saw' in the past; combine clauses more naturally. Remove filler 'that' after 'saw' and extra commas. Also 'admire the green spaces that it has' is wordy — 'admire the green spaces it has' is clearer. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and avoid filler words.

× I also really want to see the lake inside of it and the Swans and the ducks swimming on it.

✓ I also really want to see the lake in it and the swans and ducks swimming in it.

Use 'in' rather than 'inside of' or 'on' when referring to a lake's location and animals swimming 'in' a lake. Capitalization: 'swans' and 'ducks' should be lowercase. Use parallel prepositions: 'in it' for both lake and animals. Suggestion: use simple prepositions and lowercase common nouns.

× I also want to go there, uh, to exercise and relax too.

✓ I also want to go there to exercise and relax.

Remove filler 'uh' and redundant 'too'. The present tense 'want' correctly expresses future intention. The sentence is otherwise grammatical; simplifying improves clarity. Suggestion: avoid filler words and redundant adverbs.