Parks— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: Be more concise and direct in your topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition (e.g., “I think” multiple times). Use a linking word to connect ideas (for example, “because” or “so”).

Ejemplo: Not really. When I was a child I rarely went to parks because my family preferred indoor activities. For example, we often spent weekends at malls playing video games or watching movies, so parks were not part of our routine.

Sugerencia: Start with a clear topic sentence that answers directly, then explain with a specific reason and an example. Reduce filler words (e.g., “umm”, “like”). Use a linking word such as “however” or “because” to connect your ideas.

Ejemplo: Not usually; however, I enjoy visiting parks when I travel because they reflect the local environment and culture. For instance, when I was in Kyoto I visited a garden that showed traditional landscaping, which helped me understand Japanese aesthetics.

Sugerencia: Give a direct answer first, then provide two clear reasons with linking words. Be specific about what “well taken care of” means (e.g., shaded paths, clean facilities). This will make your response more informative and coherent.

Ejemplo: Possibly, but only if they are well designed and maintained. Because Jakarta is very humid, I would prefer parks with shaded walkways and water features, and with regular cleaning and security so they feel comfortable and safe.

Sugerencia: Answer directly, then give a specific reason and a brief personal reaction. Mention the park by name or location if possible, and explain why that feature appeals to you.

Ejemplo: Yes, I would like to visit Nara Park in Japan because you can feed and interact with the freely roaming deer. I find that experience memorable since it combines wildlife encounters with a historic setting, so it would be a fun cultural activity.

× No, when I was younger I think I didn't really go to parks as much.

✓ No, when I was younger I don't think I really went to parks as much.

Speaker mixed past reference with a present-tense perception phrase. Use past tense 'went' after 'when I was younger' to maintain consistent past-time frame. Also change 'I think I didn't really' to 'I don't think I really' or 'I don't think I ever' depending on intended nuance; here 'I don't think I really went' is natural. Suggestion: Use consistent past tense for events in the past: 'When I was younger, I don't think I really went to parks as much.'

× I mostly played indoors and I was never much of an outdoor type and my family as well.

✓ I mostly played indoors and I was never much of an outdoor person, and neither was my family.

Run-on sentence and awkward phrase 'outdoor type' and 'my family as well.' Break into clear clauses and use 'neither was my family' for negative agreement. Suggestion: Use parallel structure and correct negative agreement: 'I was never much of an outdoor person, and neither was my family.'

× I think personally I liked mostly playing indoors and in the malls.

✓ I think personally I mostly liked playing indoors and in malls.

Word order and article use are awkward. Put adverb 'mostly' before the verb phrase and use plural 'malls' without 'the' for general reference. Suggestion: 'I mostly liked playing indoors and in malls.'

× No, not really, but maybe when I'm overseas or I'm traveling.

✓ No, not really, but maybe when I'm overseas or traveling.

Redundant 'I'm' before 'traveling' is unnecessary; use parallel form 'when I'm overseas or traveling.' Suggestion: Keep verbs parallel and concise.

× I think parks, UMM are really fun as it shows like the environment of that country and the surroundings as well, so it is a good part of traveling.

✓ I think parks are really fun because they show the environment and surroundings of a country, so they are a good part of travel.

Remove filler 'UMM', use 'because' instead of 'as' to clarify reason, correct subject-verb agreement ('parks... show' so plural), and fix articles: 'the environment' and 'a country.' Also use 'travel' or 'traveling' consistently; 'a good part of travel' is natural. Suggestion: Ensure plural subjects pair with plural verbs and choose clear conjunctions.

× Maybe if it was in a good area.

✓ Maybe if it were in a good area.

Expressing a hypothetical condition about present/future preference should use subjunctive 'were' (formal correctness) especially after 'maybe' when counterfactual. Suggestion: Use 'if it were' for hypothetical situations: 'Maybe if it were in a good area.'

× However, I'm not really interested in going to parks in my city due to the humid hot weather that Jakarta has.

✓ However, I'm not really interested in going to parks in my city because of Jakarta's hot, humid weather.

Phrase 'due to the humid hot weather that Jakarta has' is wordy; use possessive 'Jakarta's' and typical adjective order 'hot, humid.' Also prefer 'because of' for reason. Suggestion: Use concise possessive forms and natural adjective order.

× Though I might be interested if it is well taken care of.

✓ Though I might be interested if it is well taken care of.

Grammatically acceptable but more natural: change 'is well taken care of' to passive continuous 'is well cared for' or 'is well maintained.' This is not strictly an error in the list, so keep sentence but suggest improvement. Suggestion: Use 'if it is well maintained' or 'if it is well cared for.'

× There are a few, though.

✓ There are a few, though.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. 'There are a few' correctly uses 'there is/are' for existence. No error per provided list.

× One that I can mention on the top of my mind right now is the park in Japan where you're able to feed the deers.

✓ One that comes to the top of my mind right now is the park in Japan where you can feed the deer.

Phrase 'mention on the top of my mind' is awkward; use 'comes to the top of my mind.' 'You're able to' is wordy; 'you can' is natural. 'Deers' is incorrect plural; correct plural of 'deer' is 'deer.' Suggestion: Use natural expression 'comes to mind' and correct irregular plural nouns.

× I think that is a really interesting activity you should do while you're in Japan.

✓ I think that is a really interesting activity to do while you're in Japan.

Using 'you should do' is prescriptive; 'to do' is a neutral recommendation and fits better in this context. Alternatively, keep 'you should do it' for stronger advice. Suggestion: Use 'to do' for descriptive comments or 'you should do it' for recommendation.