Work— Part 1 Informe

Sugerencia: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one brief supporting detail. Avoid repetition (e.g., “currently” twice) and correct phrases like “a master’s degree” and “applying and hoping for the best.” Use linking words to connect ideas.

Ejemplo: I’m a full-time student studying for a master’s degree in business at a university in Indonesia. I’m not working at the moment because I’m actively applying for jobs, and I hope to secure a position in business development soon.

Sugerencia: Answer directly and avoid hesitation and repetition. Begin with a short direct response, then give one specific detail about the type of job you want. Use smooth linking (e.g., “However” or “Instead”) and correct small errors like double words and filler sounds.

Ejemplo: I don’t work at the moment; I’m a full-time master’s student at a business university in Indonesia. Instead, I’m hoping to find a role in business development at an international company based in Indonesia.

Sugerencia: Provide a brief hypothetical or opinion instead of saying you can’t answer. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I’m not sure, but...”), then give one reasoned comment about what makes a workplace good. This shows communicative ability even if you lack direct experience.

Ejemplo: I’m not sure because I haven’t worked there, but I think an international company would be a good place if it offers career development and a supportive team, which are important to me.

Sugerencia: Be concise and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear statement about preferences, then add one or two specific conditions. Replace vague phrases (“not so stressful”) with precise descriptions (e.g., “manageable workload”).

Ejemplo: Yes. I would like my workplace if I had friendly colleagues and a manageable workload; a peaceful and supportive environment helps me do my best.

Sugerencia: Organize the answer with a clear opening sentence listing your target fields, then give one specific reason or relevant experience. Remove hesitations and unclear words (“dating and transportation” seems wrong). Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “transportation” or “logistics”).

Ejemplo: I plan to apply for positions in business development, logistics, or supply chain management because I have some practical experience in logistics and I enjoy working in fast-paced, operations-focused environments.

× I am currently a full time student in business university studying a master degree.

✓ I am currently a full-time student at a business university studying for a master's degree.

Errors: missing hyphen in 'full-time', wrong preposition 'in' (use 'at' for institutions), missing article 'a' before 'business university', and incorrect phrase 'studying a master degree' (use 'studying for a master's degree'). Suggestion: use hyphen for compound adjectives, use 'at' for attendance at institutions, include appropriate articles, and use 'study for a master's degree'.

× I do not currently work because I have not found a job yet and I am still currently applying in hoping for the best.

✓ I do not currently work because I have not found a job yet, and I am still applying, hoping for the best.

Errors: redundancy with 'currently' twice; unnecessary preposition 'in' after 'applying'; awkward comma placement. Suggestion: remove duplicate adverbs, drop incorrect preposition, and use commas to separate clauses.

× Like I mentioned earlier, I do not work anywhere.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, I do not work anywhere.

'Like I mentioned earlier' is informal and ungrammatical for spoken/written standard English. Use 'As I mentioned earlier' or 'Like I said earlier'. Suggestion: use 'as' for clauses meaning 'in the way that' or 'as I mentioned' for clearer grammar.

× I am a full time student at Business University in Indonesia.

✓ I am a full-time student at the Business University in Indonesia.

Need hyphen in 'full-time' and definite article 'the' before a specific institution name when preceded by 'the' is common; also capitalize properly. Suggestion: hyphenate compound adjectives and include 'the' when referring to a specific, named institution.

× I I wish that I could get an opportunity to work in business development though in uh, one international company in Indonesia.

✓ I wish I could get an opportunity to work in business development at an international company in Indonesia.

Errors: repeated 'I', extraneous 'though' and filler 'uh', wrong preposition 'in' before 'an international company'. Suggestion: remove fillers and duplicates, use 'at' for working at a company, and use 'an' before a noun beginning with a vowel sound.

× I can't tell because I don't currently work anywhere, I just, uh, study full time, so I don't have a suitable answer for this right now.

✓ I can't say because I don't currently work anywhere; I just study full time, so I don't have a suitable answer right now.

Use 'can't say' instead of 'can't tell' for this context; remove filler 'uh'. Also replace comma splice with semicolon or split sentences. Suggestion: avoid filler words and correct sentence joins.

× Of course, I would like the place where I work only if I meet nice colleagues and the working environment is not so stressful, so I would like a peaceful and friendly working environment, That's where I would be more happy from my opinion.

✓ Of course, I would like the place where I work only if I have nice colleagues and the working environment is not too stressful, so I would prefer a peaceful and friendly workplace; that would make me happier, in my opinion.

Problems: 'meet nice colleagues' suggests encountering rather than working with them — use 'have' or 'work with'; 'not so stressful' is informal—use 'not too stressful'; sentence has run-on structure and capitalization error 'That's'. 'More happy' is nonstandard — use 'happier'. Suggestion: choose appropriate verbs for relationships, use comparative 'happier', fix run-on sentences with punctuation.

× I plan to apply for jobs in the business development field or umm, logistics and transport or supply chain, uh, fields because I have a little bit of experience in it and I love working in these kind of environments, dating and transportation.

✓ I plan to apply for jobs in business development, logistics and transport, or supply chain fields because I have some experience in them and I enjoy working in these kinds of environments, such as logistics and transportation.

Issues: filler words 'umm' and 'uh'; incorrect pronoun agreement 'experience in it' should be 'in them' (plural); 'these kind of' should be 'these kinds of' or 'this kind of'; 'dating' appears incorrect in context—likely mis-say for 'logistics' or 'shipping'; unclear list ordering. Suggestion: remove fillers, ensure pronoun agreement with plural nouns, use correct plural forms for 'kind(s) of', and clarify intended items in the list.