Advertisement— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and an example. Avoid filler words (umm, uh) and correct errors like 'phones listen to us' and 'those kinds of things.'

Example: Yes, I often see ads on my phone, especially on social media. For example, after discussing travel plans with friends I start seeing hotel and flight ads, which suggests apps use my interests to target ads.

Suggestion: Provide a direct answer first (yes or no) and give one specific memory or clear reason. Avoid vague phrases and repetition. Use past tense correctly (I saw, I thought).

Example: I can't recall a specific ad clearly, but I do remember a catchy jingle from a cereal commercial when I was about seven. The tune stayed with me, so I would hum it even years later.

Suggestion: Answer directly and use clear, accurate vocabulary. Replace filler words and incorrect terms ('UMM', 'commence') with natural language: 'public transport', 'more people use public transport.' Provide one specific observation as evidence.

Example: Yes, I see a lot more ads now on public transport. For instance, the subway cars and station walls are covered with posters for streaming services and mobile apps, which I didn't notice as much five years ago.

Suggestion: Give a concise opinion first and support it with one clear reason and an example. Improve coherence by using linking words (however, because). Avoid exaggerated or unclear phrases like 'tiring my eyes' and 'I get sick'—be specific about annoyance or distraction.

Example: I don't particularly like advertisements. Although they can be useful, I find outdoor ads overwhelming because there are too many in the city centre, which makes walking and concentrating more distracting.

Suggestion: Start with a direct topic sentence and give one specific reason and an example. Remove filler words and correct phrasing ('overwhelming schedule', 'try it at home'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

Example: I prefer ads for mobile or video games because I often use gaming to relax after a busy school day. For example, when I see a street poster for a new puzzle game with bright screenshots, I often download it and try it at home.

× I do, especially when I'm on social media because I heard this before, that the phones listen us while we're speaking with people and they, umm, create the algorithm in that way so that they can, uh, find our interests and show us those kind of things.

✓ I do, especially when I'm on social media because I have heard this before, that the phones listen to us while we're talking to people and they, umm, create algorithms in that way so that they can, uh, find our interests and show us those kinds of things.

Pronoun and related word errors: 'listen us' is incorrect; the verb 'listen' requires the preposition 'to' when followed by an object (listen to us). 'Speaking with people' is acceptable but 'talking to people' is more natural here. 'I heard this before' should be 'I have heard this before' to connect past experience to the present. 'Create the algorithm' is unnatural; plural 'algorithms' fits general meaning. 'Those kind of things' should be 'those kinds of things' (or 'that kind of thing') for correct agreement between determiner and noun phrase.

× As far as I can remember, I don't, but I believe that there should be because for example, one day I see something on the ads and I think I've I've seen this before, so it is probably from my adolescence.

✓ As far as I can remember, I don't, but I believe that there should be because, for example, one day I saw something in an ad and thought 'I've seen this before,' so it is probably from my adolescence.

Tense consistency errors: 'one day I see something on the ads' mixes present with past; it should be past 'saw' to match 'as far as I can remember' and 'I thought.' Use 'in an ad' rather than 'on the ads' for idiomatic English. Remove repeated 'I've' and use reported thought punctuation. Maintaining past tense keeps the narrative coherent.

× Yes I do. In the past I used to see UMM advertisements less comparing today, but right now I see more and more advertisements in UMM transport because the people commence to use transport more often.

✓ Yes, I do. In the past I used to see advertisements on UMM less compared with today, but right now I see more and more advertisements on UMM transport because people have begun to use public transport more often.

Preposition and collocation errors: 'on UMM' or 'in UMM' was inconsistent; use 'on UMM' or 'on UMM transport' depending on local usage — here 'on UMM transport' updated. 'Less comparing today' is incorrect; use 'less compared with today' or 'less than today.' 'Commence to use' is unnatural; use 'have begun to use' or 'are using' to express change over time. 'Transport' often needs 'public' before it in English; added for clarity.

× Many individuals believe that this is a good way of influencing people, but from my perspective, I would say there are so many advertisements on the streets and they should be less because they're really tiring my eyes and there are so many advertisements that I get sick.

✓ Many people believe that this is a good way of influencing people, but from my perspective, there are too many advertisements on the streets and there should be fewer because they're tiring my eyes and so numerous that they make me feel sick.

Quantifier and countability errors: 'many individuals' is acceptable but 'many people' is more natural. 'They should be less' is incorrect: use 'there should be fewer' for countable nouns (advertisements). 'Tiring my eyes' is fine but 'really tiring my eyes' can be refined to 'tiring my eyes.' 'I get sick' should be 'they make me feel sick' for clearer causation.

× Umm, I would like to see some advertisements of games because I have a really overwhelming school schedule so in my free time I play games. So when I see advertisements on the street about games I may say oh this game looks really fun I should try that home.

✓ Umm, I would like to see some advertisements for games because I have a really overwhelming school schedule, so in my free time I play games. When I see advertisements on the street about games, I may say, 'Oh, this game looks really fun; I should try it at home.'

Incorrect verb forms and prepositions: 'advertisements of games' should be 'advertisements for games.' Run-on sentence needs punctuation and reported speech formatting. 'I should try that home' is incorrect: use 'try it at home.' Also add commas to separate clauses. Using '-ing' is not required here, but sentence needed clearer clause boundaries and correct pronoun 'it' for the game.