Bike— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Your answer is clear, relevant, and well developed, with a good progression from fear to confidence. However, avoid repetition of “scared” and use consistent past tense: “I was afraid I would fall and hurt myself.” The phrase “got the confidence” is unnatural; say “gained the confidence” or “built up the courage.” Also, “So since then” is slightly redundant, and “I have loved cycling ever since” sounds more natural. Use linking words such as “Eventually” and “As a result” to make the story smoother.

Example: Yes, I did. At first, I was afraid to ride it because I thought I might fall and hurt myself. However, I eventually built up the courage to try, and I discovered that I was actually quite good at cycling. As a result, I have loved riding bikes ever since.

Suggestion: You give a relevant explanation and connect cycling with traffic congestion, but the answer contains several disfluencies and repeated uses of “so.” The city should be called “Ulaanbaatar,” not “Lamb water,” and “half of the population lives here” needs a clearer structure: “about half of Mongolia’s population lives here.” Avoid saying “the city is overpopulated” if you mean it is crowded; “heavily congested” or “very crowded” is more precise. Use a direct topic sentence first, then explain the reason with linking words such as “because” and “therefore.”

Example: Yes, I think bikes are becoming quite popular in Mongolia, especially in Ulaanbaatar. About half of the country’s population lives in the capital, so the roads are often heavily congested. As a result, cycling can be a convenient way to avoid traffic and save time, particularly for short journeys.

× Yes, I did have a bike, but back then I was scared to ride it because I was scared that I will fall from it so that I will get hurt.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike, but back then I was scared to ride it because I was scared that I would fall off it and get hurt.

The sentence refers to a past situation, so will should change to would to express the future from a past point of view. Would fall is the appropriate modal form after was scared. Fall off a bike is also the standard prepositional expression.

× Yes, I did have a bike, but back then I was scared to ride it because I was scared that I will fall from it so that I will get hurt.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike, but back then I was scared to ride it because I was scared that I would fall off it and get hurt.

When someone falls while riding a bike, the usual preposition is off, not from. Fall off a bike means to fall from its seat or surface.

× Yes uh, since I live in the Lamb water, which is the capital city of Mongolia and the half of the population lives here, so the city is kind of overpopulated, so the traffic jams are severe.

✓ Yes, since I live in the Lamb water, the capital city of Mongolia, and half of the population lives here, the city is kind of overpopulated, so the traffic jams are severe.

Half is already a quantifier, so it does not normally take the definite article the before of the population. Use half of the population, not the half of the population, when referring to a general proportion.

× Yes uh, since I live in the Lamb water, which is the capital city of Mongolia and the half of the population lives here, so the city is kind of overpopulated, so the traffic jams are severe.

✓ Yes, since I live in the Lamb water, the capital city of Mongolia, and half of the population lives here, the city is kind of overpopulated, so the traffic jams are severe.

The original sentence uses since and so together in a confusing way and repeats so. Since already introduces the reason, so should not immediately follow that reason. Use since to introduce the cause and one so to introduce the result.

× Yes uh, since I live in the Lamb water, which is the capital city of Mongolia and the half of the population lives here, so the city is kind of overpopulated, so the traffic jams are severe.

✓ Yes. I live in the Lamb water, the capital city of Mongolia, and half of the population lives here. As a result, the city is kind of overpopulated, so the traffic jams are severe.

The original sentence contains several clauses joined together with repeated conjunctions, which makes the structure difficult to follow. Divide the ideas into separate sentences and use clear connectors such as as a result.