Study— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: 「I'm a Worlder」「worked in play on Hong Kong office」「by pass a LS test」は不自然または意味が不明確です。現在の仕事については現在形を使い、職種・勤務場所・経験年数を明確に述べてください。また、「change my career by passing an IELTS test」のように動名詞を使い、IELTSを正確に発音・表記しましょう。最初に直接答え、その後に将来の目標を1文で補足すると、より効果的です。

Example: I’m a worker in Hong Kong, where I work as an Engagement and Partner Manager. I’ve been in this position for three years. However, I’m planning to change careers, so I’m preparing for the IELTS test.

Suggestion: 質問は現在の学習場所を尋ねているため、まず「I study at...」または、すでに修了している場合は「I studied at...」と直接答えてください。「my bachelor degree in Martial」「Major is media communication」は文法的に不自然で、専攻名も不明確です。学士・修士の学歴を説明する場合は、「I earned a bachelor’s degree in...」や「I completed a master’s degree in...」を使い、専攻と場所を整理して述べましょう。

Example: I studied Media and Communication for my bachelor’s degree. After that, I moved to Hong Kong and completed a master’s degree in Education and Public Policy. I’m currently working rather than studying full-time.

Suggestion: 「Yes」と答えた後に、香港で学ぶことの具体的な利点を1〜2点に絞ると、より自然で説得力が増します。「the European world」は不自然なので「Europe」または具体的な国名を使ってください。また、大学の数を述べるだけでなく、教育の質、国際的な環境、交通の便利さなど、なぜ良い場所なのかを説明しましょう。

Example: Yes, I think Hong Kong is an excellent place to study. It has several well-known universities and offers a very international learning environment. I also like the convenient public transport and the opportunity to meet people from different cultures.

Suggestion: 回答が質問の「学習場所にどのような変更を望むか」に直接答えていません。「walking visa」はおそらく「working visa」の誤りであり、ビザの話をするなら、まず「I wouldn’t make any major changes」と述べてから、改善点や理由を説明してください。「everything's reliable ability」は意味が不明確なので、「the system is reliable」などの自然な表現に置き換えましょう。理由を1つに絞り、リンク語「However」や「because」を使うと論理的になります。

Example: I wouldn’t make any major changes to Hong Kong because it already offers a convenient and international study environment. However, I would like universities to provide more career guidance and internship opportunities. These services would help students prepare for their future jobs.

Suggestion: 将来の計画は比較的明確ですが、「ELS exam」は「IELTS exam」、「get the offer from」は「receive an offer from」、「Yale Universities」は通常「Yale University」とする必要があります。大学名・専攻名が不明確なので、正確な名称を使ってください。「after graduation」がどの大学の卒業後かも明確にし、学習計画、就職計画、理由を順序立てて説明しましょう。

Example: After passing the IELTS exam, I hope to receive an offer from Yale University to study fashion communication. I’m interested in this field because it combines my background in media and my interest in the fashion industry. After graduating, I’d like to apply for a job in the United States and begin my new career there.

× I'm a Worlder and I worked in play on Hong Kong office as the engagement and partner manager.

✓ I'm a Worlder, and I work in the Hong Kong office as an engagement and partnership manager.

Because you are describing your current job, use the present simple, work, rather than the past form, worked. Use in the office, not on office. Also, use an before a job title beginning with a vowel sound.

× I'm a Worlder and I worked in play on Hong Kong office as the engagement and partner manager.

✓ I'm a Worlder, and I work in the Hong Kong office as an engagement and partnership manager.

The correct preposition for working at a particular office location is in. The phrase on Hong Kong office is incorrect.

× I have already worked here for three years but now I want to change my career by pass a LS test.

✓ I have already worked here for three years, but now I want to change my career by passing the LS test.

After the preposition by, use a gerund ending in -ing. Therefore, pass becomes passing.

× I have already worked here for three years but now I want to change my career by pass a LS test.

✓ I have already worked here for three years, but now I want to change my career by passing the LS test.

Use the definite article the when referring to a specific test that the listener understands. Also, the phrase a LS test should be changed to the LS test in this context.

× I studied my bachelor degree in Martial and Major is media communication.

✓ I studied for my bachelor's degree in Martial, and my major was media communication.

Use studied for when talking about studying toward a degree. The preposition for is required in this expression.

× I studied my bachelor degree in Martial and Major is media communication.

✓ I studied for my bachelor's degree in Martial, and my major was media communication.

The original sentence joins two ideas without giving the second idea a complete and clear structure. My major was media communication provides a complete clause with a subject, verb, and complement.

× I studied my bachelor degree in Martial and Major is media communication.

✓ I studied for my bachelor's degree in Martial, and my major was media communication.

The standard expression is bachelor's degree. The possessive form bachelor's is needed before degree.

× And after that I moved to Hong Kong and learned the policy and education in in as for the master degree.

✓ After that, I moved to Hong Kong and studied policy and education for a master's degree.

Use for to express the purpose of studying for a degree. The repeated phrase in in as for contains unnecessary and incorrect prepositions.

× And after that I moved to Hong Kong and learned the policy and education in in as for the master degree.

✓ After that, I moved to Hong Kong and studied policy and education for a master's degree.

Use a master's degree when mentioning one degree in general. The original phrase the master degree has the wrong article and form.

× I'm glad I've already finished my first semester here, but in the future I want to go to the European world to have a new major, which fits my career better.

✓ I'm glad I've already finished my first semester here, but in the future I want to go to Europe to study a new major that fits my career better.

Use go to Europe rather than go to the European world. Europe is the name of a continent and is used directly after the preposition to.

× Yes, I think studying in Hong Kong actually gave me the chance to have the walking visa and by having this visa I can continue to work here and I know everything's reliable ability and I'm glad I have it.

✓ Yes, I think studying in Hong Kong has given me the chance to obtain a working visa. With this visa, I can continue to work here, and I am glad that I have it.

The original sentence contains several clauses joined together without clear structure. Dividing the ideas into separate sentences makes the relationships between them clear and grammatical.

× Yes, I think studying in Hong Kong actually gave me the chance to have the walking visa and by having this visa I can continue to work here and I know everything's reliable ability and I'm glad I have it.

✓ Yes, I think studying in Hong Kong has given me the chance to obtain a working visa. With this visa, I can continue to work here, and I am glad that I have it.

The opportunity began in the past and is still relevant now, so the present perfect has given is more suitable than the simple past gave.

× I have to say after passing the ELS exam, I hope I can get the offer from Name Communication of Fashion Majors in Yale Universities and after graduation I want to apply for a job there and try to officially start my career.

✓ I have to say that after passing the ELS exam, I hope I can get an offer from the Fashion Communication program at Yale University. After graduation, I want to apply for a job there and officially start my career.

Use an offer when referring to one offer that has not been specifically identified before. The phrase the offer would be used only if both speakers already knew which offer you meant.

× I have to say after passing the ELS exam, I hope I can get the offer from Name Communication of Fashion Majors in Yale Universities and after graduation I want to apply for a job there and try to officially start my career.

✓ I have to say that after passing the ELS exam, I hope I can get an offer from the Fashion Communication program at Yale University. After graduation, I want to apply for a job there and officially start my career.

Use at with an institution such as Yale University when referring to the location of a program. The preposition in is not natural in this context.

× I have to say after passing the ELS exam, I hope I can get the offer from Name Communication of Fashion Majors in Yale Universities and after graduation I want to apply for a job there and try to officially start my career.

✓ I have to say that after passing the ELS exam, I hope I can get an offer from the Fashion Communication program at Yale University. After graduation, I want to apply for a job there and officially start my career.

Yale University is the official singular name of the institution, so Yale Universities is incorrect. Use Yale University.