Opportunities— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g. when and what you did), then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (past tense) and remove repetitions. Aim for 2–4 sentences total.

Example: Yes. When I was in eighth grade my school held an annual function, and I took part in the choreography. I learned several new dance steps and practiced with a team for three weeks, which improved my coordination and confidence.

Suggestion: Give a clear opinion then support it with specific reasons and one short personal example. Use linking words (because, for example, so) and correct repetitions and tense errors. Keep it to 2–3 sentences for clarity.

Example: Yes, people should try many different activities because they can learn new skills and meet new people. For example, last year I took up photography and now it is my favourite hobby because it helps me notice details and relax.

× Yes, when I was child and I am in and I was in 8th grade, I my school held annual function.

✓ Yes, when I was a child and I was in 8th grade, my school held an annual function.

Errors: missing article 'a' before 'child' (Article errors, ID 22) and extra fragments 'and I am in and' causing sentence structure problems (Sentence structure errors, ID 26). Also missing article 'an' before 'annual function' (Article errors, ID 22). Suggestion: remove redundant words, use 'a child' for singular countable noun, and 'an annual function' because 'annual' begins with a vowel sound.

× So I took part in choreography.

✓ So I took part in the choreography.

Use of article: 'choreography' here refers to a specific event or the activity at the function, so include 'the' (Article errors, ID 22). Alternatively, you could say 'I took part in a choreography performance' to be clearer. No -ing correction needed, but article was missing.

× I learned a new dance step, new dance steps and also some choreography.

✓ I learned new dance steps and some choreography.

Redundancy and number agreement: 'a new dance step, new dance steps' is repetitive. Choose plural 'new dance steps' to match 'some choreography.' Suggestion: keep consistent plural form for multiple items and avoid repeating the same idea.

× Yes, people should try many new things because from it's they learn many, many things and also they meet new people.

✓ Yes, people should try many new things because they learn a lot from them, and they also meet new people.

Problems: incorrect word order and contractions ('from it's they learn') cause confusion (Sentence structure errors, ID 26). Use 'they learn a lot from them' to clarify object of 'from' (Incorrect use of prepositions, ID 11). Also replace 'many, many things' with 'a lot' for naturalness. Ensure subject-verb agreement and consistent pronouns.

× And last year I for example, last year I tried photography.

✓ For example, last year I tried photography.

Redundancy: 'last year' repeated twice. Keep a single time expression. Tense 'tried' is correct (Past tense, ID 5). Suggestion: combine phrases to 'For example, last year I tried photography.'

× That's now that's my it's my hop hobby and I enjoy it.

✓ It's now my hobby and I enjoy it.

Pronoun and extra words: the phrase contains repeated and incorrect contractions 'that's now that's my it's my hop hobby'. Remove duplicates and misspelling 'hop' should be 'hobby' (Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs/word choice, ID 13). Use a single clear sentence 'It's now my hobby and I enjoy it.'