Tiredness— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid redundant phrases (e.g. “the only thing I want is just for”). Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g. “because” or “so”). Also vary vocabulary (use “extra classes” or “after-school lessons”).

Example: Yes, I often feel tired because I attend regular school plus optional after-school classes. For example, I usually have two extra lessons each weekday, so by the time I get home I just want to relax or sleep.

Suggestion: Start with a direct topic sentence and give one or two specific reasons, using linking words correctly. Avoid vague phrases like “bad consequences” — explain what those are (e.g. poor concentration). Also correct grammar: use conditional forms properly (e.g. “if I don’t sleep well” or “if I spent too long studying”).

Example: I feel tired mainly when I don’t sleep well or when I study for long periods without breaks. For instance, if I study for five hours straight, I become exhausted and my concentration and grades suffer.

Suggestion: Use present simple consistently and make sentences concise. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific activity and explain its effect using a linking word (e.g. “because” or “so”). Avoid repetition and fix grammar (“I watch series” not “I'm watching series” for routines).

Example: I usually rest when I feel tired by watching a TV series or reading a book because these activities help me relax and stop worrying about schoolwork.

× Actually yes because in spite of my school classes I have my optional classes after school that can make me feel tired.

✓ Actually, yes, because despite my school classes, I have optional classes after school that can make me feel tired.

The phrase 'in spite of' can be used but 'despite' is more natural before a noun phrase; also 'my optional classes after school' sounds better without the extra 'my' before 'optional classes' and commas are needed for clarity. Use 'despite' + noun phrase or 'in spite of the fact that' + clause. Improve by adding commas and simplifying noun phrases.

× And of course when I got back to home, the only thing I want is just for chilling out or sleeping.

✓ And of course when I get back home, the only thing I want is to just chill out or sleep.

Tense mismatch: question asks generally so use present simple 'get' not past 'got' (present tense issue but corrected under pronoun/phrase usage). 'Back to home' is incorrect; use 'back home' without 'to'. 'The only thing I want is just for chilling out' is unidiomatic: use infinitive 'to chill' or 'to sleep'. Remove unnecessary 'just' or place it before verb. Suggestions: use 'when I get back home' and 'want to chill out or sleep'.

× Well, I would feel tired if I didn't sleep well or if I spent all my time on studying and I'm not given time for resting for myself and it can lead to the bad consequences.

✓ Well, I feel tired if I don't sleep well or if I spend all my time studying and I'm not given time to rest, which can lead to bad consequences.

Conditionals: for general habit use present simple in both clauses ('I feel' / 'if I don't sleep' / 'if I spend'). 'Spent' and 'didn't' suggest unreal past; here the question asks when you would feel tired generally. 'On studying' is incorrect preposition; use gerund without 'on' ('spend time studying'). 'Time for resting for myself' is awkward; use 'time to rest'. 'The bad consequences' should be 'bad consequences' (no article). Also replace 'and it can lead' with a relative clause 'which can lead' for fluency.

× I give myself time for resting.

✓ I give myself time to rest.

Use 'time to + base form' rather than 'time for + -ing' for this meaning. 'Time for resting' is grammatically possible but less natural; 'time to rest' is idiomatic. Also matches habitual present.

× I'm watching series or reading a book and the things give my brain rest and and I cannot think about everything that I usually think.

✓ I watch series or read a book; those things give my brain a rest and I can't think about everything I usually do.

Use simple present for habitual actions ('I watch', 'I read') rather than present continuous. 'The things' is vague; use 'those things' or 'they'. 'Give my brain rest' requires an article: 'give my brain a rest'. Double 'and and' is a typo. 'I cannot think about everything that I usually think' is redundant; use 'I can't think about everything I usually do'. Suggestions: use simple present, replace vague nouns, add article, and remove redundancy.