Tiredness— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: 문법과 문장구조를 더 자연스럽게 고치고, 간단한 주제 문장 후에 구체적 이유를 하나 또는 두 개만 연결사로 연결하여 말하세요. 예: 시제 일관성, 관사/복수 사용, 의미 전달을 위해 불필요한 반복(earn, save the money)을 줄이기. 또한 5문장 이내로 간결하게 답변하세요.

Example: Yes, I often feel tired because I have to work a lot to save money for my trip to Australia. For example, I take extra shifts at work and cut back on free time, so I end up feeling exhausted most days.

Suggestion: 답변이 불완전하고 문장이 연결되지 않았습니다. 질문에는 '언제'를 묻고 있으므로 주제문으로 바로 시간 표현을 제시하고, 연결사로 이유를 덧붙여 구체적으로 설명하세요. 문법(과거/현재 시제)도 정확히 사용하세요.

Example: I usually feel tired when I come home after a long day of work because I’ve been standing and concentrating for hours. After such days, I often feel drained and want to relax immediately.

Suggestion: 행동을 더 구체적으로 묘사하고, 연결사를 이용해 이유나 빈도(예: sometimes, usually)를 넣어 자연스럽게 만드세요. ‘late down’은 틀린 표현이므로 'lie down' 또는 'relax'로 고쳐야 합니다. 또한 한두 문장으로 간결하게 답변하세요.

Example: When I feel tired, I usually stay at home and lie down while watching YouTube or Korean dramas on Netflix to relax. Sometimes I also take a short nap to recharge before going to bed.

× Yes, this day I have to work a lot because I have to earn, save the money. When I go to Australia and I have to spend more money.

✓ Yes, these days I have to work a lot because I have to earn and save money. When I go to Australia I will have to spend more.

The student used 'this day' incorrectly; 'these days' is the correct expression for a general current period. 'Earn, save the money' is awkward: combine verbs with 'and' and omit the definite article before 'money' because it is uncountable and general. The second sentence mixes present and future ideas; use 'will have to' to express obligation in the future and avoid repeating 'money' unnecessarily. 제안: 'this day' 대신 현재의 일반적인 기간을 나타내는 'these days' 사용, 'and'로 동사를 연결하고 'the'를 생략하여 불가산명사 'money'를 일반적으로 표현, 미래 의무는 'will have to' 사용.

× I was I came back home after working really

✓ I feel tired when I come back home after working hard.

The original sentence is fragmented and mixes past and incomplete phrases ('I was I came back home after working really'). The question asked 'When would you feel tired?' so present tense for habitual feeling is appropriate: 'I feel tired when I come back home after working hard.' Use 'working hard' instead of the incomplete 'working really.' 제안: 문장은 하나의 완전한 구조로 만들고 시제 일치를 확인하세요. 'working hard'와 같은 완전한 표현 사용.

× I just stay at home every day or late down just watching YouTube or Netflix Korean drama.

✓ I usually stay at home every day or lie down and just watch YouTube or Korean dramas on Netflix.

The original has wrong verb choices and word order: 'late down' is incorrect; the correct verb is 'lie down.' Repetition of 'just' is unnecessary. Also 'Netflix Korean drama' should be pluralized or rephrased as 'Korean dramas on Netflix.' Use 'usually' for habitual actions. Ensure verbs agree and word order is natural. 제안: 동사 선택(예: 'lie down')과 빈도부사 위치('usually')를 확인하고, 서비스명+콘텐츠 형식은 'Korean dramas on Netflix'처럼 자연스럽게 표현하세요.