Parks— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, avoid repetition, and add one specific detail or memory. Use linking words to connect ideas.

Example: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I enjoyed exploring nature and playing with other children, and I particularly remember catching beetles and climbing the big oak tree near my house, which taught me a lot about wildlife.

Suggestion: Use correct verb forms and natural phrasing. Give a short topic sentence, then explain reason and frequency if relevant, using linking words like 'however' or 'because'.

Example: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks; however, I rarely go now because my work hours are very long. If I had more free time, I would visit a park weekly because walking in nature helps me relax.

Suggestion: Remove hesitations and avoid repeating phrases. State your opinion clearly, then give two concise, specific benefits with linking words like 'because' or 'for example'.

Example: I think more parks would be beneficial. For example, they would improve air quality and provide peaceful spaces for relaxation, which would help people’s mental health.

Suggestion: Be specific about one or two places and avoid vague or repetitive words. Use clear sentences and give a reason why you want to visit, linking ideas with 'because' or 'such as'.

Example: Yes, I would like to visit national parks outside the city, such as those with waterfalls and lakes, because I enjoy hiking and photographing scenic landscapes.

× Yes, I've enjoyed going to parks as a child and I enjoyed nature and playing around with other kids.

✓ Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child; I enjoyed nature and playing with other kids.

The student uses present perfect 'I've enjoyed' with a past time phrase 'as a child', which is incorrect. Use simple past 'I enjoyed' to refer to a finished period in the past. Also 'playing around with' is colloquial; 'playing with' is clearer. Suggestion: use simple past for past habits and avoid present perfect when a specific past time is mentioned.

× It was really great to be able to enjoy outside world, to learn even about some wild creatures like bugs and trees and other other stuff.

✓ It was really great to be able to enjoy the outside world, to learn even about some wild creatures like bugs, trees and other things.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'outside world' is required. 'Other other stuff' is repetitive and ungrammatical; use 'other things'. Also list items should use commas. Suggestion: include 'the' for specific nouns, avoid repetition, and use 'things' instead of 'stuff' for clarity.

× Yes I do but unfortunately too extensive work hours.

✓ Yes, I do, but unfortunately I have very long work hours.

The original fragment 'too extensive work hours' lacks a verb and has awkward adjective choice. Use complete clause with subject and verb: 'I have very long work hours' or 'I work very long hours'. Suggestion: provide a subject and verb and use natural collocations like 'long work hours' or 'work long hours'.

× I don't have such free time to be able to go outside but if I could I would really love to because it still brings me lots of joy and it's my passion.

✓ I don't have enough free time to be able to go outside, but if I could I would really love to, because it still brings me a lot of joy and is my passion.

'Such free time' is awkward; 'enough free time' is more natural. 'Lots of joy' is informal; 'a lot of joy' is correct. Also remove unnecessary contraction 'it's' when referring back to 'going to parks'—use 'is' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'enough' for quantity and 'a lot of' for uncountable nouns; keep clauses clear and concise.

× Uh, well, I believe that there are plenty of parks in my city already, but I believe that the more is better as it improves the overall, umm, ecological situation in the city and it's more beneficial for even mental health of the people living there.

✓ I believe there are already plenty of parks in my city, but more parks would be better because they improve the overall ecological situation and are even beneficial for people's mental health.

Redundant 'I believe' repeated; awkward phrase 'the more is better' should be 'more parks would be better'. 'The overall, umm, ecological situation' contains filler and comma misuse; simplify to 'the overall ecological situation'. 'It's more beneficial for even mental health of the people living there' is ungrammatical—use 'are even beneficial for people's mental health'. Suggestion: avoid filler words, remove redundancy, match plural subject 'parks' with plural verb 'are', and use natural word order.

× Well there is a plenty of places where I would like to go and especially some natural parks outside of the city that have a variety of various wonders of nature such as waterfalls, beautiful lakes and other majestic places.

✓ Well, there are plenty of places I would like to go to, especially some natural parks outside the city that have a variety of wonders such as waterfalls, beautiful lakes and other majestic places.

Use 'there are' not 'there is' because 'places' is plural (there be issue). 'A plenty of' is incorrect; correct form is 'plenty of' without 'a'. 'Variety of various' is redundant; use 'a variety of wonders' or 'various wonders' not both. Also use 'go to' for places. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement with 'there are' for plural nouns, omit 'a' before 'plenty of', avoid redundant adjectives, and use correct preposition 'outside the city'.