Parks— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct tense usage. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, avoid repetition of 'used to', reduce fillers (umm) and add one specific detail (a particular game or memory) to make it vivid.

Example: Yes, I loved going to parks with my mother when I was a child. We often played football and sometimes organised small games with neighbourhood children, which made those afternoons lively and memorable.

Suggestion: Use a clear topic sentence and correct grammar (verb agreement). Reduce hesitations and combine related points with linking words. Mention one specific example of how schedule prevents park visits to add concreteness.

Example: Not much, because my schedule is quite busy. For example, I work several afternoons at my mother's grocery store and I am also studying for a master's in business analytics, so I rarely have free time to visit parks.

Suggestion: Give a focused main idea then support with specific reasons. Avoid vague phrases ('a person that I'm most') and reduce fillers. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to show cause and effect, and offer one concrete benefit of more parks.

Example: Yes, I would. More parks would give children safe outdoor spaces to play and socialise instead of staying indoors on devices. For instance, having several neighbourhood parks would make it easier for families to spend time outside and improve community health.

Suggestion: Be precise and avoid unclear names/phrases. Start with a topic sentence naming the park, then add specific attractions and a short reason for wanting to visit. Remove filler words and correct the park name if mistaken.

Example: Yes, I would like to visit Worldmeadow Park in Incheon. I've heard it has beautiful sea views and offers boat rides, so I would love to go there with my mother when we have some free time.

× I used to go to park with my mom often when especially when I used to feel gloomy.

✓ I used to go to the park with my mom often, especially when I felt gloomy.

Incorrect or missing article before 'park' and awkward word order. Use the definite article 'the' with 'park' when referring to a specific place, and place 'especially' before the clause it modifies. Also 'used to feel' is correct but redundant; simple past 'felt' is clearer here.

× Yes I do, I used to go to park with my mom often when especially when I used to feel gloomy.

✓ Yes, I did. I used to go to the park with my mom often, especially when I felt gloomy.

Tense and response mismatch: the examiner asked about childhood, so 'Yes I do' (present) is inappropriate; use past 'Yes, I did.' Also fix article before 'park' and remove redundant 'used to' in the subordinate clause for clarity.

× We used to play football together and we used to invite other kids around and it was really fun.

✓ We used to play football together and invite other kids over, and it was really fun.

'Invite other kids around' is nonstandard; native expression is 'invite kids over.' Also streamline repeated 'we used to' to avoid redundancy.

× To be fair, not really because most of my time is uh involved in helping my mom's business.

✓ To be fair, not really, because most of my time is involved in helping my mom's business.

Sentence needs commas for clarity. The verb tense 'is involved in helping' is acceptable but awkward; keep as is with punctuation. No major tense error but clarity improved with commas.

× She owns a grocery store and I have to help her out in her business and also I am pursuing my further studies and masters in business analytics.

✓ She owns a grocery store, and I have to help her with her business. I am also pursuing further studies: a master's in business analytics.

'Help her out in her business' is awkward; 'help her with her business' is natural. 'Masters' should be 'a master's' or 'a master's degree.' Add punctuation and split into two sentences for clarity.

× So I would say my busy schedule don't let me.

✓ So I would say my busy schedule doesn't let me.

Subject 'my busy schedule' is singular and requires the singular verb 'doesn't' not 'don't.' Also 'let me' is fine here; no further change needed.

× I definitely would, I would love for the kids to make their memories in the park instead of just staying at home and using their iPad to play Roblox.

✓ I definitely would. I would love for kids to make their memories in the park instead of just staying at home and using their iPads to play Roblox.

Use plural 'kids' without 'the' for general meaning. 'iPad' should be plural 'iPads' to match 'kids.' Split into two sentences for clarity.

× Uh, it would be really nice to have multiple parks, uh, in my city, you know, so whenever I have free time and I feel gloomy, I can go out with a person that I'm most.

✓ It would be really nice to have multiple parks in my city, so whenever I have free time and feel gloomy, I can go out with the person I am closest to.

The phrase 'a person that I'm most' is incomplete and ungrammatical. Use 'the person I am closest to' to express the intended meaning. Remove filler words and adjust word order for clarity.

× There is a Worldmeadow park in Incheon.

✓ There is a Worldmeadow Park in Incheon.

Capitalize proper name 'Worldmeadow Park.' The structure 'There is' is fine. Ensure proper noun capitalization.

× I've heard they have quite good Seaview and they also have a cruise option available.

✓ I've heard they have quite a good sea view, and they also offer a cruise option.

'Seaview' should be 'sea view' (two words) and needs an article 'a good sea view.' 'Have a cruise option available' is wordy; 'offer a cruise option' is more natural.

× I would love to go there with my mom when, uh, we get a chance and when we have free time to visit Wall Middle.

✓ I would love to go there with my mom when we get a chance and have time to visit Worldmeadow Park.

Remove fillers and correct the park name 'Wall Middle' (assumed mishearing) to 'Worldmeadow Park' to match earlier mention. Simplify 'when we have free time to visit' to 'and have time to visit.'