Parks— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản (thì và cấu trúc câu), tránh những tiếng ngập/nghẹn (uh, um) và nói rõ ràng hơn. Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề trực tiếp, sau đó đưa thêm 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ hoạt động bạn làm, cảm xúc). Giữ câu ngắn gọn, tối đa 3–4 câu để tự nhiên và hiệu quả.

Example: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my best friend and we would walk around the paths and feed the ducks. We also enjoyed sharing ice cream and playing on the swings, which made me very happy.

Suggestion: Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và trật tự từ (sử dụng thì hiện tại đơn/hiện tại tiếp diễn phù hợp), loại bỏ tiếng ngập, và dùng liên từ để mạch lạc (for, because, so). Cung cấp một chi tiết cụ thể về hoạt động bạn làm ở công viên và tần suất để tăng tính thuyết phục.

Example: Yes, I still like going to parks. When I am busy with work and study, I usually go to the park in the evenings to reduce stress because the fresh air and quiet paths help me relax. I try to go there three times a week.

Suggestion: Cải thiện trật tự từ và dùng cấu trúc câu đơn giản, rõ ràng (Yes/No + lý do). Tránh dùng cụm từ không chính xác (week made). Nên nêu lý do cụ thể vì sao cần thêm công viên (ô nhiễm, thiếu không gian xanh) và có thể đề xuất một giải pháp ngắn gọn.

Example: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. The city has become crowded with buildings and factories, so the air is often polluted. More parks would provide green spaces for people to relax and improve air quality.

Suggestion: Làm rõ ý định và tránh các câu mơ hồ hoặc gây hiểu nhầm (cụm “when I bleed” không rõ nghĩa). Dùng từ vựng đúng (water park, lakeside) và giải thích ngắn gọn lý do (ví dụ hoạt động thú vị, trải nghiệm mới). Giữ tối đa 2–3 câu và tránh lỗi ngữ pháp.

Example: In the future I would like to visit a water park with my boyfriend because the rides look exciting and it would be a fun day out. We could try slides and pools, which would be an adventurous change from our usual activities.

× During I was a chill, uh, I would worry, go to the park with my best friend who's who, uh, she's so friendly and beautiful. Uh, we go, we go around the park and uh, bye bye our ice cream for each other.

✓ When I was a child, I would often go to the park with my best friend, who was very friendly and beautiful. We would walk around the park and buy ice cream for each other.

The original sentence has multiple sentence structure issues: wrong phrase order ('During I was a chill' should be 'When I was a child'), unnecessary fillers and repetition, and incorrect verbs ('would worry' is wrong contextually, 'bye bye our ice cream' should be 'buy ice cream'). Suggestion: use clear time clause 'When I was a child', remove fillers, use 'would' for habitual past actions and 'buy' for purchasing. Keep clauses concise and use correct relative clause 'who was'. Note: explanation provided in English as requested.

× Nowadays, uh, when I busy on week week study and work, uh, I always go into the park to reduce stress and uh, relax fresh air in there.

✓ Nowadays, when I am busy with my weekly studies and work, I always go to the park to reduce stress and enjoy the fresh air.

Errors: missing auxiliary verb 'am' with adjective 'busy' and wrong preposition 'on' should be 'with'. Repetition 'week week' should be 'weekly' or 'my weekly'. 'Go into the park' is less natural than 'go to the park'. 'Relax fresh air' is ungrammatical; use 'enjoy the fresh air' or 'relax and breathe fresh air'. Suggestion: include correct present continuous form 'am busy', use appropriate prepositions, and choose collocations like 'enjoy the fresh air'. Note: explanation provided in English as requested.

× Yet in this day the my city is it almost full of building and a factory. Week made, week made atmosphere is not fresh and clear in the than in the past.

✓ These days my city is almost full of buildings and factories. The air is not as fresh and clear as it was in the past.

Errors: 'Yet in this day the my city is it' has extra and incorrect articles and pronouns; use 'These days my city' for current time. 'Building and a factory' should be plural 'buildings and factories'. 'Week made, week made' is unclear—likely meant 'week by week' or 'these days' but better to state 'The air is not as fresh and clear as it was in the past.' Use comparative structure 'not as... as'. Suggestion: remove redundant words, pluralize nouns, and use correct comparative phrasing. Note: explanation provided in English as requested.

× In the future I want to go to water plots with my boyfriend because it is so funny and and a little risk when I when I bleed.

✓ In the future I want to go to water parks with my boyfriend because it is so fun and a little risky when I get a thrill.

Errors: 'water plots' is incorrect collocation; should be 'water parks'. 'So funny' should be 'so fun' to describe an enjoyable activity. Phrase 'and a little risk when I when I bleed' is ungrammatical and unclear—likely intended 'a little risky' or 'a little dangerous' and 'when I get a thrill' or 'when I feel afraid'. Also repeated 'and'. Suggestion: use correct noun 'water parks', choose correct adjective 'fun' not 'funny' for enjoyable, and replace unclear consequence with 'a little risky' or 'a little dangerous'. Note: explanation provided in English as requested.