Parks— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler phrases (e.g., "like", "as I tried") and repeated adjectives.

Example: Yes, I loved going to parks with my family when I was a child. For example, we often had picnics and played games on the grass, and those outings were memorable because they brought us closer together.

Suggestion: Clarify what you mean by 'different' and correct word choice (e.g., 'hands-on activities', not 'handicap products'). Give a clear topic sentence, then a specific example and a brief reason. Reduce hesitations and ensure grammar is correct.

Example: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but I prefer theme parks now because they offer hands-on activities. For example, I like rides and interactive exhibits that provide excitement and new experiences.

Suggestion: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with specific reasons and one suggestion. Correct grammar and remove redundant phrases. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., 'because', 'for example').

Example: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because we only have one or two now and they are often crowded. For example, new parks with more greenery, playgrounds and walking paths would give children space to play and adults a pleasant place to relax.

Suggestion: Answer directly and avoid repetition. Mention specific attractions you want to see and explain why. Keep to one or two supporting details and use correct collocations (e.g., 'look forward to going').

Example: Yes, I would like to visit Shanghai Disneyland in the future because I have seen pictures of its unique themed lands and shows. For example, I want to see the Nighttime Spectacular and try the popular rides because they look exciting and magical.

× As I tried, I was really into going to parks with my family there.

✓ When I was young, I really enjoyed going to parks with my family.

Original sentence uses 'As I tried' awkwardly and 'was really into going' is informal; replace with 'When I was young' and 'really enjoyed going' to fit past habitual action. Use 'enjoyed' (past simple) to match 'as a child'.

× We had a lot of like, it's a lot of a wonderful experience and wonderful time together.

✓ We had a lot of wonderful experiences and great times together.

Sentence has informal fillers ('a lot of like') and mixed singular/plural nouns. Use plural 'experiences' and 'times' to match 'a lot of'. Remove redundant 'wonderful' repetition for clarity.

× That was the moment I found very enjoyable.

✓ Those were very enjoyable moments for me.

Original phrase 'That was the moment I found very enjoyable' is awkward and unclear. Rephrase to 'Those were very enjoyable moments' to match plural previous reference and natural word order.

× Yeah, but quite different from when it's worth a try.

✓ Yes, but it's quite different now.

Original 'different from when it's worth a try' is ungrammatical and unclear. Use present 'it's quite different now' to answer current preference compared to past.

× I now I fancy going to the theme park where I can gain more experience from the hand on activity there.

✓ Now I like going to theme parks where I can gain more experience from hands-on activities.

Remove duplicate 'I', use 'like' for present preference, pluralize 'theme parks' and 'hands-on activities' and hyphenate 'hands-on'. This corrects tense and noun forms.

× For example, I can do the handicap products or other kind of thing at the park instead of just going around and wondering like that.

✓ For example, I can try handicraft activities or other hands-on attractions at the park instead of just walking around and wandering.

Replace 'do the handicap products' (incorrect) with 'try handicraft activities' or 'hands-on attractions'. Use 'walking around and wandering' for natural collocation and correct prepositions/verbs.

× I think it would be an ideal idea that there are more parks in my city because not in my city there are only just about one or two, OK two parks.

✓ I think it would be ideal to have more parks in my city because there are only one or two parks here.

Original repeats 'in my city' awkwardly and uses 'an ideal idea' (redundant). Use 'ideal to have' and correct article/number agreement: 'only one or two parks'.

× We are not enough for the kids here.

✓ There are not enough parks for the kids here.

Original 'We are not enough' incorrectly uses 'we'. Use existential 'There are not enough parks' to express insufficient parks for children.

× I want the park with more greenery and views for all people in my city.

✓ I want parks with more greenery and scenic views for everyone in my city.

Change 'the park' to plural 'parks' to match earlier desire for more parks, use 'scenic views' and 'for everyone' for natural phrasing and correct preposition use.

× To be honest, I just want to the Disneyland in Shanghai because I have seen many things online about that place.

✓ To be honest, I just want to go to Disneyland in Shanghai because I have seen many things about it online.

Add verb 'go to' and remove 'the' before 'Disneyland' (proper nouns for theme parks usually do not take 'the'). Place 'online' after 'about it' for natural order.

× It's very intriguing, it's very romantic and also very wonderful.

✓ It seems very intriguing, romantic, and wonderful.

Combine adjectives with commas for parallel structure; avoid repeating 'it's very' to improve style.

× That's what I really want to and I'm looking, looking forward to go there soon.

✓ That's where I really want to go, and I'm looking forward to going there soon.

Use 'want to go' not 'want to' alone, and 'looking forward to' requires a gerund: 'going'. Remove repeated 'looking'.