Parks— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Reduce hesitations and repetitions, use one clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler sounds (uh) and redundant phrases. Add a linking word to connect the ideas (for example, "and").

Example: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. There was a large park in my hometown with many attractions, and I usually visited on weekends when my parents would buy me a big ice cream.

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct small grammar issues (e.g., "see nature" instead of "see the nature"). Use one linking word to connect reason and example. Remove fillers to sound more fluent.

Example: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they let me see nature in the middle of the city, and I often visit them to meet friends.

Suggestion: Start with a clear direct answer and avoid repeating the same idea. Use a linking word to present a reason, and provide one specific detail or example to support your opinion.

Example: No, I don't think more parks are necessary because our city already has many well-maintained parks located in different neighborhoods.

Suggestion: Clarify unclear phrases ("I drew about visiting" is incorrect). Use precise vocabulary ("beautiful views" or "beautiful scenery") and one linking word to give a reason. Remove fillers and casual slang like "kinda."

Example: Yes. I would like to visit Central Park in New York because it offers beautiful scenery and peaceful green spaces surrounded by skyscrapers.

× There were, there was a big park in my hometown that had a lot of attractions in it and I usually went there on weekends and my parents, uh, bought a big ice cream for me, uh.

✓ There was a big park in my hometown that had a lot of attractions, and I usually went there on weekends. My parents often bought a big ice cream for me.

The student used both 'there were' and 'there was' redundantly and created a run-on sentence. Use a single correct 'there was' for the singular noun 'a big park' (There be issue). Also split into two sentences and replace 'bought' with 'often bought' to match habitual past action. Suggestion: use one 'there was' for a singular subject and separate independent ideas into sentences to improve clarity.

× Yes, I really love parks because, uh, it's a big opportunity to see the nature, uh, in the large city and, uh, I often go there to meet my friends.

✓ Yes, I really love parks because they are a great opportunity to see nature in a large city, and I often go there to meet my friends.

The original uses 'it's a big opportunity' (singular) and 'the nature' incorrectly. 'Parks' plural should match plural pronoun 'they'. Use 'nature' without the definite article and 'a great opportunity' or 'great opportunities' depending on phrasing (Article errors and subject-verb agreement). Suggestion: match plural subjects with plural pronouns and omit 'the' before uncountable noun 'nature'.

× Uh, I don't think so, because we have enough parks, even many parks, uh, in different neighborhoods. Uh, and those parks are all nice.

✓ I don't think so, because we have enough parks, even many parks in different neighborhoods, and those parks are all nice.

The phrase 'enough parks, even many parks' is redundant and awkward. Use one quantifier: 'enough parks' or 'many parks'. This is an incorrect use of quantifiers. Suggestion: choose a single clear quantifier and combine clauses to avoid repetition.

× Yes, there are, uh, I drew about visiting, uh, Central Park in New York because it has beautiful view, a beautiful nature, uh, and it's kinda hidden in the skyscrapers.

✓ Yes, there are. I dream about visiting Central Park in New York because it has a beautiful view and lovely nature, and it's kind of hidden among the skyscrapers.

The student used 'drew about visiting' incorrectly; the correct verb is 'dream' and followed by 'about' plus gerund 'visiting' (Verb + -ing form). Also 'beautiful view' needs an article 'a', 'a beautiful nature' is unnatural—use 'lovely nature' or 'beautiful scenery'. 'Kinda' is informal; use 'kind of'. 'Hidden in the skyscrapers' should be 'hidden among the skyscrapers'. Suggestion: use 'dream about visiting' + gerund, include appropriate articles, and use 'among' for being surrounded by tall buildings.