Parks— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct small grammar and reference errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (e.g., "you know"), correct pronoun reference ("them" or "other children" instead of "him"), and provide one or two specific supporting details using a linking word (e.g., "because" or "so"). Keep the answer to 2–3 sentences.

Example: No, I didn’t. I was quite introverted as a child, so I felt very shy around other kids in the park. Because of that discomfort, I rarely went there.

Suggestion: Begin with a direct topic sentence and give a specific reason with a linking word. Avoid vague phrases such as "part of the people"—use clearer expressions like "comfortable" or "belong." Limit to 2–3 sentences and replace brand list with a short example if needed.

Example: Not really. I still feel uncomfortable in crowded parks because I don’t feel like I belong there, so I prefer quieter places such as a local coffee shop where I can relax and read.

Suggestion: Start with a clear topic sentence that answers directly. Use linking words to connect reasons (e.g., "because", "for example") and be specific about benefits. Remove fillers like "uh" and repetitive phrases. Keep it within 3 sentences and use more natural collocations (e.g., "enjoy fresh air" instead of "take some clean weather").

Example: Yes, I would. I think more parks are important because children can play and make friends, and older people can relax and enjoy fresh air. For example, a nearby park could offer playgrounds and shaded benches for community use.

Suggestion: Answer directly then give a concise specific detail or example. Use formal alternatives to slang (e.g., "want to" instead of "wanna") and correct prepositions ("near Beverly Hills" not "near to"). Avoid repeating the phrase "I want to go." Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

Example: Yes, I would like to visit parks in the United States in the future. For instance, I hope to see the green parks near Beverly Hills because they look peaceful and well maintained.

× I was pretty introvert when I was a child and in the parks, you know, there are a lot of children.

✓ I was pretty introverted when I was a child, and in parks, you know, there were a lot of children.

Use the adjective 'introverted' (not 'introvert') to describe personality; 'pretty' modifies the adjective. Also maintain past tense ('were') because the sentence refers to childhood. Omit the definite article before 'parks' for general reference. Suggestion: use adjective forms and keep tense consistent.

× And when I saw him I felt really so scared and weird and shy.

✓ And when I saw them I felt really scared, weird, and shy.

The pronoun 'him' is unclear; use 'them' for indefinite/unspecified people or 'other children'. Also 'really so scared' is redundant; choose 'really scared' or 'so scared'. Use commas to separate adjectives.

× That's why I didn't like going to the parks.

✓ That's why I didn't like going to parks.

Use no definite article when speaking about parks in general. 'The parks' implies specific parks previously identified; here the speaker refers generally to parks.

× Right now I don't like going to the parks because I don't feel like I'm part of the people in the park.

✓ Right now I don't like going to parks because I don't feel like I'm part of the people there.

Use 'parks' without 'the' for general reference. Replace 'in the park' with 'there' to avoid repetition and improve naturalness. 'Part of the people' is acceptable but 'part of the people there' is clearer.

× I like going to the coffee shops like Starbucks or more like this, but not parks.

✓ I like going to coffee shops like Starbucks or places like that, but not parks.

Omit 'the' before 'coffee shops' for general reference. Replace 'more like this' with 'places like that' for clarity and natural phrasing.

× I avoid these places.

✓ I avoid those places.

Use 'those' to refer back to places mentioned earlier rather than 'these', which usually refers to things closer to the speaker. This improves cohesion.

× Not for me, but for the children and the elderly people.

✓ Not for me, but for children and elderly people.

Omit 'the' before plural categories when speaking generally. 'Elderly people' doesn't need 'the'.

× Uh, because thanks to the parks, children can have fun here and socialize with the other children and elderly people can relax and, uh, talk with their friends here and take some clean weather.

✓ Because of parks, children can have fun and socialize with other children, and elderly people can relax, talk with their friends, and enjoy fresh air.

'Thanks to the parks' is informal; 'Because of parks' or 'Thanks to parks' works. Remove 'the' before 'other children' for generality. 'Take some clean weather' is incorrect — use 'enjoy fresh air'. Also streamline the sentence to parallel structure: 'children can... and elderly people can...'.

× My aim is going to the USA in the future and I wanna go to the parks there.

✓ My aim is to go to the USA in the future, and I want to visit the parks there.

Use the infinitive 'to go' after 'aim' rather than the -ing form. Use 'want to' instead of informal 'wanna' and 'visit the parks there' is more natural than 'go to the parks there.' Ensure verb forms are standard.

× I don't know their exact names, but there are some green parks near to the Beverly Hills.

✓ I don't know their exact names, but there are some green parks near Beverly Hills.

Do not use 'near to' in this context; 'near' is sufficient. Also omit 'the' before 'Beverly Hills' when referring to the area.

× I wanna go there.

✓ I want to go there.

Replace informal 'wanna' with 'want to' for standard grammar. Pronoun 'there' is fine; just correct the verb form.