Walking— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more direct and natural in your topic sentence; avoid confusing verbs ("work" is incorrect here). Keep answer within 2–3 clear sentences and add a brief specific example. Use linking words like "especially" correctly.

Example: Yes, I walk a lot, especially when we visit tourist attractions as a family. For example, last weekend we explored a large outdoor market and walked for over two hours, which I enjoy because it keeps me active and lets me see new places.

Suggestion: Good content and clear contrast. Shorten slightly and avoid redundancy ("alone by herself"). Add a linking word to connect the contrast more smoothly.

Example: Not really; when I was a child in South Africa it was considered dangerous for a girl to walk alone. However, my family and I often went on hiking trails together, which were safe and enjoyable.

Suggestion: Answer is thoughtful but slightly long and repetitive ("help... and help"). Start with a concise topic sentence then give one or two clear reasons using linking words and a concrete example.

Example: People like walking in parks because being close to nature is calming and helps clear the mind. For instance, a quiet walk by a lake can reduce stress and make it easier to think through personal problems.

Suggestion: Strong, specific answer. Make the first sentence a clear topic sentence and tighten the last sentence for naturalness ("preferably" instead of "preferably go"). Keep to 2–3 sentences total.

Example: I would like to take a long walk in Kingsway National Park in Perth because the pathways offer ocean views and cityscapes. I would choose a cooler day, since there isn’t much shade along some parts of the trail.

Suggestion: Good content and clear family detail, but the grammar and word order are awkward (start with location and time). Avoid overlong phrasing like "enjoy extremely much." Use a linking phrase to show sequence ("first... then...").

Example: Lately we went for a walk on the beach after a family fishing trip. First we fished together, and then we took a relaxing sunset walk that helped us unwind and spend quality time as a family.

× Yes, I work from time to time when I visit certain tourist attractions with my husband and my children.

✓ Yes, I walk from time to time when I visit certain tourist attractions with my husband and my children.

The student used 'work' which doesn't fit context; the question asks about walking. Use the verb 'walk' to match meaning. This is not a grammatical form error per se but a lexical choice; replace incorrect verb to maintain semantic accuracy.

× When I was younger, I used to live in South Africa and it was considered to be very dangerous for a young girl to walk alone by herself in the streets.

✓ When I was younger, I used to live in South Africa and it was considered very dangerous for a young girl to walk alone in the streets.

Redundant use of 'by herself' and 'alone' is stylistically poor. Also 'considered to be' can be simplified to 'considered'. Remove redundancy: 'walk alone' is sufficient. This keeps past tense consistent.

× I did not go on leisurely strolls, however, my family and I did enjoy going on hiking trails.

✓ I did not go on leisurely strolls; however, my family and I did enjoy going on hiking trails.

Comma splice: two independent clauses joined only by a comma. Use a semicolon or start a new sentence with 'However' to correct sentence structure.

× I think because being close to nature and going for a tranquil, leisurely stroll can help put life's issues into perspective and give you a sense of calm and help a person organise their thoughts.

✓ I think being close to nature and going for a tranquil, leisurely stroll can help put life's issues into perspective, give you a sense of calm, and help a person organise their thoughts.

Remove unnecessary 'because' after 'I think' which causes a fragment/awkward structure. Also parallelism: list items should be parallel verbs; add commas and 'and' for correct coordination.

× I would love to go for a stroll in the Kingsway National Park in Perth.

✓ I would love to go for a stroll in Kingsway National Park in Perth.

Article 'the' before proper park name is unnecessary unless part of official name. Removing 'the' yields natural usage. This is a minor article/modality nuance.

× I would preferably go on a day that is not too hot because there isn't always a lot of shade.

✓ I would prefer to go on a day that is not too hot because there isn't always a lot of shade.

Use 'prefer' or 'would prefer' rather than 'preferably' with 'would'. 'Preferably' is an adverb; the correct expression is 'I would prefer to...'. This corrects word choice and verb pattern.

× For a walk on the beach with my husband and my children, we often like to go fishing and then take a sunset walk on the beach, which we all enjoy extremely much.

✓ When we go for a walk on the beach with my husband and my children, we often go fishing and then take a sunset walk on the beach, which we all enjoy very much.

'For a walk on the beach...' is awkward; use 'When we go for a walk...'. 'Often like to go' is redundant with 'often go'; choose 'often go fishing'. 'Extremely much' is unidiomatic; use 'very much'. These changes correct tense/aspect and adverb use.

× It is very relaxing and it allows us to bond as a family.

✓ It is very relaxing and allows us to bond as a family.

Remove redundant pronoun 'it' before second verb for concise, natural coordination: two verbs share the same subject 'It'. This corrects sentence flow rather than tense.