Money— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar and capitalization, and provide one specific detail with a linking phrase. Avoid repetition (e.g. "I borrowed" repeated) and unnecessary fillers. Also correct small errors ("the IT" → "the last time", "for buying" → "to buy").

Example: The last time I borrowed money was in high school. I needed about ¥100 to buy drinks from a vending machine because I had left my wallet at home, so a classmate lent me the cash and I paid them back the same day.

Suggestion: Improve clarity and grammar. Begin with a direct topic sentence, fix incorrect words ("address" → "others"), and use linking words to connect ideas (e.g. "for example", "because"). Be concise and avoid repetition like "she later she". Give one concrete detail (amount or timeframe) to strengthen your answer.

Example: Yes, I have lent money to others a few times. For example, in high school I lent a friend ¥500 because she only had a card and the shop didn’t accept it, and she returned the money the next day.

× the IT was when I was a high school student and I borrowed money for buying some drinks from vending machines.

✓ It was when I was a high school student, and I borrowed money to buy some drinks from vending machines.

Starts with lowercase 'the' and uses unnecessary article; 'the IT' is incorrect. Use capitalized 'It'. Also 'for buying' is awkward: after 'borrowed money' use the infinitive 'to buy' to express purpose. Suggestions: capitalize sentence start, remove 'the' before 'IT', replace 'for buying' with 'to buy', and add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' connecting two independent clauses.

× So I borrowed about ¥100.

✓ So I borrowed about ¥100.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Keep as past simple 'borrowed' to match the time frame. Included here to indicate no error of -ing form.

× I have lent my money to address a few times but one of them was when I was a high school student.

✓ I have lent my money to others a few times, but one time was when I was a high school student.

The word 'address' is incorrect; likely intended 'others'. Also 'one of them' is unclear when referring to 'times'; use 'one time' or 'one of those times'. Add a comma before 'but'. Suggestions: replace 'address' with 'others' and rephrase 'one of them' as 'one time' for clarity.

× One of my friends was confused because she wasn't able to pay in cash, she just only had her credit card.

✓ One of my friends was confused because she wasn't able to pay in cash; she only had her credit card.

Run-on sentence: two independent clauses joined with a comma should use a semicolon or conjunction. 'Just only had' is redundant; choose 'only had' or 'just had'. Also 'pay in cash' is fine. Suggestions: replace the comma with a semicolon and remove 'just' to avoid redundancy.

× So I lent some cash to my friend and she later she paid me back.

✓ So I lent some cash to my friend, and she later paid me back.

Redundant 'she' appears twice. Remove the extra 'she'. Add a comma before 'and' linking two clauses. Verb tense 'paid' is correct for the past event. Suggestions: delete the duplicate pronoun and use a comma before the coordinating conjunction.